befreckled Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 With LDR, the expected time to see out relationship norms is often stretched. If you've only met twice in a span of 6 months, how realistic is it to hear those words? The bf and I have been going on 8 months without much issue. We've met three times so far. We've spoken in a few conversations about ending the distance (Well, I've spoken and he agreed). Onto the dreaded "ILY", I approached the topic cautiously, I asked him first if he more than liked me. Semantics, I know. Trust me. And he agreed that he does without a skip of a heartbeat Last night, I asked him if he loved me in a few variations and he replied in the following ways - yes, of course, me too (answering quickly after I told him, i loved him). He has never said the words - ILY. What is my hang up with it? I puzzle myself and its frustrating because, we have a good relationship, LDR or otherwise. We rarely fight, this is our first attempt at an LDR and we are averaging a meet up every 3 months which is amazing for an international relationship (shortest flight time between us 26hrs), I've met his parents, he will meet mine in a few days. So, I'm stumped. I'm backing off emotionally for the next day or so because, I don't like how I sound. Is it me?
LickABattery Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I honestly don't think the "ILY" is that important, i mean sure its nice to say it every now and then to your partner and get the "ILY TOO" back but i honestly think you don't need to say the words to know if your Partner loves you or not. I say ILY to my Partner who is also in another country and somtimes she wont say it back and it's the same with me she has said it to me and sometimes i dont even say it back we don't complain to each other that we dont say it back. I mean i can't say anything atm though cause i have yet to meet my GF so its not the same situation seeing how you already met your partner. But i honestly don't think its nessecary if you know you both love each other. Some people might disagree and say "well its romantic and shows you love that person" Yes its romantic, but you can show you love someone in other ways not just by saying "i love you". So in summary i dont think its entirely important but its good to say once in an awhile.
SillyS Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Honestly, just talk to him about it. I'm just coming off a one and half year LDR and I can tell you, my boyfriend used to say I love you often and very early on and he was full of ****e for most of it. So if he showing you that he loves you, then you should probably give him the benefit of doubt and either realize that its something that he might not be noticing or that perhaps that saying the words is just that and that relationships are a little bit more than words and promises. So i don't think they are important to say, because he seems committed to you and from what you have said, he seems to love you plenty. All guys are just not the same, some are not mushy and go nuts with all the expressiveness but that doesn't mean they don't love as hard.
KathyM Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 With LDR, the expected time to see out relationship norms is often stretched. If you've only met twice in a span of 6 months, how realistic is it to hear those words? The bf and I have been going on 8 months without much issue. We've met three times so far. We've spoken in a few conversations about ending the distance (Well, I've spoken and he agreed). Onto the dreaded "ILY", I approached the topic cautiously, I asked him first if he more than liked me. Semantics, I know. Trust me. And he agreed that he does without a skip of a heartbeat Last night, I asked him if he loved me in a few variations and he replied in the following ways - yes, of course, me too (answering quickly after I told him, i loved him). He has never said the words - ILY. What is my hang up with it? I puzzle myself and its frustrating because, we have a good relationship, LDR or otherwise. We rarely fight, this is our first attempt at an LDR and we are averaging a meet up every 3 months which is amazing for an international relationship (shortest flight time between us 26hrs), I've met his parents, he will meet mine in a few days. So, I'm stumped. I'm backing off emotionally for the next day or so because, I don't like how I sound. Is it me? I don't think you should ever pressure a guy to say those words. Some people take those words very seriously, and some are very free with them. I think it's good that he's cautious with those words. It shows they have real meaning for him. When he finally does say them, they will be that much more meaningful. Don't try to force it out of him.
Tayla Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Oddly its a phrase that can be so "un-used" when need be, and "over-used" when not necessary. Timing and the way its said can be the value in it. I personally use it freely and with good intent for i never know when that person will hear it again. Many regrets come from not being able to say it due to circumstances. My Former LDR and I said it freely and it just became a "given". Then again I recall how we implemented it into conversations that made it endearing, such as ...I love the way you can "fill in the blank".... And that just seemed to be enough. Not hearing it and just "assuming" that the actions should cover it doesn't wash too well....That's just my two cents....maybe its because hearing it with tenderness is the icing on the cake I agree that it shouldn't be coached into saying it, but with holding such an expression is not healthy either....
Recommended Posts