sun_moon Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Tonight's breadcrumb stated that he had an emergency that had to do with a family member and needed a favor. I was reluctant and didnt act for a while, but I eventually responded only to get no response. I admit I felt guilty and that's what made me do it. Immediately after, I felt stupid and sad. Perhaps he's dealing with the "situation", perhaps he changed his mind and realized it was a bad idea to contact me, perhaps he got the reaction he wanted-a response, I dont know but the what ifs are driving me crazy and I'm quite shocked at myself that I even am obsessing over it. My gut told me that he did this because it was another excuse to call me, or that he did it out of vulnerability of the situation. I dont know, only time will tell. Today during work I realized, hey the weekend is coming and I have a quiet uneventful couple of days ahead. My friends are busy and I am faced with being alone. It gets to the point where I am tried of checking in and seeing if they are available, I am going to stop asking. I crave socializing and being in fun settings, but the harder I try to do that, the farther it gets. I have to face the loneliness and accept that we all have to go through with it. So, my weekend plan is this, go to the gym, go to dance class, and watch a movie. While watching a movie alone isnt my ideal situation, its a start. I have to find my inner strength and bring it out. Anyone else feel like they are doing all the legwork in getting their friends to hang out and socialize and running into brick walls? Feeling quite melancholy tonight, this too shall pass.
PelicanPete Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Being alone is nothing more but a state of mind. You can look at it as isolation, or you can look at it as a time of solitude. Socializing can be fun but it follows the same rule of thumb as any relationship, becoming dependent will cause you to lose touch with yourself and lead to grief in the long run. When you are always around other people, it is never quiet enough for you to hear the answers within yourself.
aussie_bloke Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Anyone else feel like they are doing all the legwork in getting their friends to hang out and socialize and running into brick walls? I hear ya! Doesn't help when all your friends are sickly happy in their relationships and/or enaged/married! Your weekend plan sounds good, pick a good movie tho, no girly chick flicks
Author sun_moon Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Haha it's morning and my first thought is back to him. Pete I understand the solitude and am growing more accustomed to it, I just have so much alone time. So I am having the urge to send a text and ask if everything is ok with the situation but am not certain if I should just sit waiting in silence instead? Thoughts?
Mack05 Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Haha it's morning and my first thought is back to him. Pete I understand the solitude and am growing more accustomed to it, I just have so much alone time. So I am having the urge to send a text and ask if everything is ok with the situation but am not certain if I should just sit waiting in silence instead? Thoughts? Sunmoon! I missed you . I think it's time to cut the chord permanetly. I would send one last text to him saying that you will no longer be replying to any attempts he makes to contact you. Be firm and say it's for the best that you both move on with your lives. What he is thinking or what his problems are, no longer concern you. It may seem cruel but remember you are no longer a couple and this is best for you both even if it doesn't feel like it right now..
Author sun_moon Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) Awe thanks Mack missed ya too. Mack I wish I could just turn it off! But why the **** do I care? Do you know how many "last text/talk" I have had with him? Too many to count. It hurts because this time I sincerely sent a response and he ignored me. Im fighting every fiber in my being to not send a text showing my concern. I want to not care.... Why would he ask for help and retract it? Is it possible he's fighting with himself too as I am because I've told him to stay away. Because I've blown his ego enough times that he regrets the call? Why do I want to burst into tears, why is this bothering me so much? Edited July 29, 2011 by sun_moon Typo
Gisele Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Why do I want to burst into tears, why is this bothering me so much? Because you're a lovely person who feels guilty if she doesn't help someone she knows, ex or not.....and because as long as he's still hanging around and dropping breadcrumbs, hope and disappointment will still be playing big roles in your life And those ups and downs makes anyone tearful You replied to him because you're kind and caring - but the fact is it was inappropriate of him to contact you about it....he's making you feel obligations towards him, which is why you feel like you care And you're probably also more hurt than you realise by his subsequent lack of reply - it's a slap in the face when you're upset enough to interpret it as 'i regret reaching out to you about it in the first place' or 'i just wanted to see if you cared' Let him deal with the family crisis with his family....and don't feel like you've let yourself down by responding to a breadcrumb like that. It's one of those lose-lose situations: if you hadn't, you'd be worrying about how 'heartless' you look But i suggest no more responses to anything Hope you're doing better overall hun x
amethyste Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Have you asked him if everything's okay? Anyway, if I were you, I wouldn't contact him. What for? I understand that you care - and caring is not something wrong, but I don't think he cares that you care (woah, I hope that makes some sense!). We should hang out together! I'd love to go out (not as in "clubbing" though), but I have no one to go with. I spend most of my days alone, indoors - which is kinda depressing & maddening. Oh well...
wilsonx Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Being alone is ok and soon enough you both amethyste and sunmoon will realize it. Sunmoon, look at what you are facing now. You are tired of feeling like your friends are too busy to hang out with you. A few weeks ago, I was like that. I had friends that invited me to hang out with them and then they would stand me up on the day I was suppose to. It really hurt a lot on those days because I was depending on them to come through and they didn't. I later realized that night they they really weren't my friends. I would never do that to one of my friends in a time of need. They were just being friendly acquaintances even though I have known the girl for 6-7 years. My friend that I posted about his gf has GIGS and was going to break up with him. He was my friend. He helped me out a lot when I was going through the rough times and he called me up last night when I was hanging out with other friends and I gave him the attention that he gave me. My friends understood that and actually respect me for being there for him. The moral of this post is go meet some new friends. Go hang out with old friends you havent talked to in years. Get on skype and starting talking to old friends roommates you havent seen in years. Don't have any expectations of your old friends or new friends. You will hurt yourself if you do. Also give yourself some space and give them some space. Talk to people on here. I talk a lot with heart, its fun to realize and talk real life stuff other then our ex's with people that have gone through the same type of relationship stuff as you. I've learned a lot from him and he's learned alot from me. We actually have a lot in common as far as career paths we are choosing. Its kind of weird
Author sun_moon Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Gisele, I missed you so much! I am glad to see your spirits are good. You've hit the nail on the head my dear, to the point that after I read your comments on my phone I couldn't hold my tears back at work anymore. Then I spent my lunch period crying thinking about everything, its like I'm purging what I've held in for a bit because I was "ok" or not thinking of him at all. Thanks Gisele, I do care about him and I do care PERIOD. I do feel like I received a slap in the face and the hurt it just keeps cycling back. I've cried enough (surprisingly) to let the urge to contact go, recognizing it comes from rejection and hurt. He's a big boy, I'm sure he managed the situation just fine. I'm sure at this very moment he's resenting me anyway. Amethyste, I asked if he was ok (not in so many words), yesterday when I replied. No, I wont contact him, the urge has passed (I hope it stays that way) I think he cares and is hurt that I wont give him what he wants, open communication. But I understand what you are saying, in the end he's just acting selfishly, because he should have respected my wishes a long long time ago. BTW send me a PM because I'm curious to see how you think hanging out is possible. lol
Author sun_moon Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Being alone is ok and soon enough you both amethyste and sunmoon will realize it. Sunmoon, look at what you are facing now. You are tired of feeling like your friends are too busy to hang out with you. A few weeks ago, I was like that. I had friends that invited me to hang out with them and then they would stand me up on the day I was suppose to. It really hurt a lot on those days because I was depending on them to come through and they didn't. I later realized that night they they really weren't my friends. I would never do that to one of my friends in a time of need. They were just being friendly acquaintances even though I have known the girl for 6-7 years. My friend that I posted about his gf has GIGS and was going to break up with him. He was my friend. He helped me out a lot when I was going through the rough times and he called me up last night when I was hanging out with other friends and I gave him the attention that he gave me. My friends understood that and actually respect me for being there for him. The moral of this post is go meet some new friends. Go hang out with old friends you havent talked to in years. Get on skype and starting talking to old friends roommates you havent seen in years. Don't have any expectations of your old friends or new friends. You will hurt yourself if you do. Also give yourself some space and give them some space. Talk to people on here. I talk a lot with heart, its fun to realize and talk real life stuff other then our ex's with people that have gone through the same type of relationship stuff as you. I've learned a lot from him and he's learned alot from me. We actually have a lot in common as far as career paths we are choosing. Its kind of weird I understand. The friends I do have, they are wonderful but carry immense responsibilities and busy lives, they make time when they can afford to. I have one friend whom I havent talked to in months, and she knows what I'm going through, I suspect she's going through her own love pains but does she reach out? No. I wanted to see what happens if I stopped calling and texting her, guess what, my theory proved right, she has not once reached out after I stopped. Does it hurt, not anymore, I dont expect anything from her and I suspect she has BPD. I've done so much for her in the past and put up with a lot, she has done a lot for me as well, but when you notice a trend, it just gets old. Your true friends know when you need help and know when to reach out. She's the same type of friend you've described above, cancelling things all the time, etc. My best friend on the other hand, a true amazing friend, as crazy and stressful as her life is still checks in on me every couple of days. She returns calls, she apologizes if she cant talk and we just play tag till our times aline. While we cant always do things together, her heart is in the right place, and is always there for me. BTW talking to people on here is so very very therapeutic and I agree with you, its just easier. For now, I will try to keep my chin up and just enjoy my solitude. I will go to the gym, watch movies, maybe shop, go to the book store, all things I can do alone. I will continue dancing because its great social setting and I have made some nice acquaintances.
Author sun_moon Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 A small update Yesterday evening I received a text thanking me for returning his call and that he has decided to walk away from the "situation" with the family member. (Apparently some drama he got sucked into) Thankfully for me, I had such an emotionally taxing day that by the end of the work day, I treated myself to a movie and left my phone in the dust. After an enjoyable long distraction, I found his message waiting. I didnt respond and dont plan to. My thoughts are that he realized him reaching out was a mistake and is bowing down/away from contact, like I asked.
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