mplsmjones Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Hello, I'm new to this form so please bare with me. I need some help from people about the delimia that I've had with on-line dating. After been doing this for a bit over two years I've had many married men, men that have lied, men that end up having an STD after having dated them a bit (not sex) and flakes. After my experience on POF, I decided that I would move to a paid site and I'm on Match.com. Okay....so I don't get nearly the dates on that site, but I know that 1 out of every 5 are NOT married. I'm not running into married men on that site, so it's saving me time and energy. On POF I could have three dates a week, on Match, I've been on there roughly 9 or 10 weeks and I've dated three guys only a couple of times each. Here's the reality. On Match in 10 weeks or so I've had over 5700 views to date. Maybe 50 emailes or winks but most of them are from guys that are way to old or that look like Larry the Cable Guy. There are some liars on this site, but I've already unfortunately dated them on POF until I found out what lies they were dishing me. I really am ready to meet the right guy, but this has been maddening. I think that I've been through about 100 guys in two years. WOW! Let me discribe myself and if I can I will post a photo. I'm a single divorced mother, I'm a building inspector, a home owner and world traveled. I work out all of the time, I'm well read and I do whatever I can to work on myself. Great cook, too. It's not making any sense. Any ideas what my problem might be? OH and one more thing. I looking for guys between 35 and 46. I'm 43. However, I value anyone's input no matter their age. Thanks! Marie
HardknockLife Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Why are you in such a hurry? love needs time and patience. If you go too fast, you will crush. Hurting yourself but no one else.
Author mplsmjones Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 OMG! What does that post have to do with the price of tea in China? You aren't reading what I've said. I've been divorced five years. I just started dating a bit over two years ago. I took my time to figure out why I married what I did. I haven't been able to find someone that I've been willing to date more than a half a dozen times. More than 50% of them have lied in a big way to me. Hurry? I'm old, dude. I'm not been in a hurry. But I would like to find some one that I'm compatible so I can have sex with on a regular bases before I die.
HardknockLife Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I wonder who would date with a person like you. Sorry to break it to you. I am sorry if I made a mistake, i gave my 2 cents if you dont appreciate it, dont reply.
NursingGirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 OMG! Hurry? I'm old, dude. I'm not been in a hurry. But I would like to find some one that I'm compatible so I can have sex with on a regular bases before I die. Sometimes this forum is not the most friendly in the world! I am in a relationship with someone from POF so it DOES work. You just have to weed through alot of prospects and use your intuition.
HardknockLife Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I didnt say anything mean... I said sorry if i made a mistake. LOL people are so full of themselves.
temporaryvisa Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 OMG, you look FREAKING hot, OP! You do not look 43, and you look quite fit and well dressed. Very cute hair, such nice skin, pretty lips, totally in style. I'm 19 and I hope to look as good as you do when I am your age...jeez... Btw, thank you for painting your nails it's the little touches that make a woman soooooo lovely!
Author mplsmjones Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Sometimes this forum is not the most friendly in the world! I am in a relationship with someone from POF so it DOES work. You just have to weed through alot of prospects and use your intuition. Thank you! How long were you on that site prior to meeting someone that you were congruent with? I still keep a positive attitude. I just want to know if I should join another site, or if I shouldn't put that I have an advanced degree? Or maybe my photos are bad??? I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.
ScienceGal Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Hi Marie, As a single woman myself I can tell you that I am thinking about partnerships too. I am 29 and have never been married. So part of my "hurrying" is that I would like to have at least one child. But. it's not a desperate hurrying, it's more of an "ok, it'd be nice if Mr. Right came along... any day now!" I am being patient because I know finding the right guy is so important! I just joined an online dating site but it's only been a couple weeks. I have just planned to meet up with a man after emailing back and forth for the past week. (wish me luck! Other than that I try to think of other things to get out socially and meet people. Have you considered or done anything like that? Any type of club (book club, womens social group, wine tasting, outdoor activities group, etc.) or even volunteering. Pretty much, just get out there! I would me not limit yourself to just online, especially since you're not having great luck with it.
temporaryvisa Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Have you tried finding a guy at the gym, or at some classes? Maybe dance classes or something? I am unsure why you would need online dating, you seem like a catch.
Author mplsmjones Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 OMG, you look FREAKING hot, OP! You do not look 43, and you look quite fit and well dressed. Very cute hair, such nice skin, pretty lips, totally in style. I'm 19 and I hope to look as good as you do when I am your age...jeez... Btw, thank you for painting your nails it's the little touches that make a woman soooooo lovely! THANK YOU! Thank you! Bless you! OMG! Thanks! I've been feeling so rejected lately..... I totaly agree about the little touches. I don't leave the house without my nails painted. I have to assert my girlness as I am in a man's profession.
Author mplsmjones Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 How would you see my profile? I'll be glad to share it, but it's on match...can you find it? Do you have a membership? I'm a confirmed member of the YMCA. It's mostly for my seven year old boy. We are in tons of activities there for him. I work out there everyday. We kind of don't "date in our family" there, if you get what I mean. I thought about visiting another gym. That's for reminding me of that. I think I'll look about for a visitors pass at a less family oriented gym.
thatone Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 suggestion: try okcupid, it's free as well. from a man's standpoint, okc has by far the best format. POF is just glorified craigslist, match is slanted toward women (by being more formal with the questions/answers and not inviting women to type enough for men to write good first messages with). i'm not using the dating sites anymore, but when i did, after using them all for awhile i much preferred okc than any of the others.
Author mplsmjones Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Hi Marie, As a single woman myself I can tell you that I am thinking about partnerships too. I am 29 and have never been married. So part of my "hurrying" is that I would like to have at least one child. But. it's not a desperate hurrying, it's more of an "ok, it'd be nice if Mr. Right came along... any day now!" I am being patient because I know finding the right guy is so important! I just joined an online dating site but it's only been a couple weeks. I have just planned to meet up with a man after emailing back and forth for the past week. (wish me luck! Other than that I try to think of other things to get out socially and meet people. Have you considered or done anything like that? Any type of club (book club, womens social group, wine tasting, outdoor activities group, etc.) or even volunteering. Pretty much, just get out there! I would me not limit yourself to just online, especially since you're not having great luck with it. Here's wishing you luck!!! Have fun! I wish that I was your age again. I am out there, but it's probably the wrong place as everything revolves around my seven year old boy. I am looking into a kayaking club and a political organization. I'm already a hospice volunteer....but maybe I should focus on volunteer work that deals with the living. LOL
Imajerk17 Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Well, can I be blunt? First of all, you might want to expand your age-range up. Guys in their late 30's tend to be looking for women who are in their 30's (or 20's) as well. If you make contact with someone great who is 36, fantastic. But if your restricting yourself to guys younger than 45, it's going to be slim pickings for you. It's just going to be a tough sell for a single mom in her 40's, to appeal to a male in his late 30's who has no kids AND who has options. Secondly, have you tried writing the guys you could be interested in, first? Third, what is the text of your profile?
temporaryvisa Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Yes, actually OKC is a LOT better. You should definitely make a profile there! I bet you a lot of young guys will message you for sex, though. lol Well, I dont have an account but maybe you can copy and paste your content in here?
temporaryvisa Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Pffft, slim pickings. I don't think so. While I do agree she should date up, (lol I am attracted to a man at work who just turned 50...don't ask) don't make it sound like it's going to be hard for a guy to be attracted to her. Op, I have the same problem (dated many guys and nothings worked out yet) but that's just because I'm insane, immature, channeling my energy into the wrong kind of crap, and have a lot of growing up to do. I'm also obsessive. Lol. I'm not ready. But you probably are--maybe fate is telling you that you'll find someone out of the blue, spontaneously!
NursingGirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Thank you! How long were you on that site prior to meeting someone that you were congruent with? I still keep a positive attitude. I just want to know if I should join another site, or if I shouldn't put that I have an advanced degree? Or maybe my photos are bad??? I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. If you have a BS/BA, it WILL cut down on your responses but not significantly and you will get better quality. If you have a Master's degree or beyond, I would take it off and put Bachelor's. I have been single since 2008 and I met a guy on there and we dated for a year and 9 months before we broke up. I am now in my second POF relationship and I met him in March of this year. We didn't date right away though...in May we had our first date. He was the first person I talked to when I got back on the site.
NursingGirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 But if your restricting yourself to guys younger than 45, it's going to be slim pickings for you. It's just going to be a tough sell for a single mom in her 40's, to appeal to a male in his late 30's who has no kids AND who has options. Secondly, have you tried writing the guys you could be interested in, first? Third, what is the text of your profile? I agree with all of these points. How old are your children? And maybe you COULD post your profile here if you are open to lots of constructive criticism from some and some mean ass comments from others, lol.
Imajerk17 Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) Pffft, slim pickings. I don't think so. While I do agree she should date up, (lol I am attracted to a man at work who just turned 50...don't ask) don't make it sound like it's going to be hard for a guy to be attracted to her. Well, actually, yeah. The OP is asking us because her intended audience (great guys around the age of 40, give or take a few years) isn't going for her product--herself here. Slim pickings. She would be better off if she were to include her audience to men up to 50 (say) and who have kids. It's a hell of a lot more likely that she will appeal to a 49-year-old man who is also a divorced dad, than she will a 38-year-old guy who has no kids. And it's a lot more likely that she will have things in common with the first guy too! Edited July 29, 2011 by Imajerk17
NursingGirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 ... than she will a 38-year-old guy who has no kids. Don't most 38 year old guys have kids? Forty-nine year old's kids are most likely grown and that is no problem at all! That's freakin cool! I still would aim in the 40's. I wouldn't even go below 40. And yes, most of them look like Larry the Cable guy at that point (but not all!)
Feelsgoodman Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Let me discribe myself and if I can I will post a photo. I'm a single divorced mother, I'm a building inspector, a home owner and world traveled. I work out all of the time, I'm well read and I do whatever I can to work on myself. Great cook, too. It's not making any sense. Any ideas what my problem might be? OH and one more thing. I looking for guys between 35 and 46. I'm 43. However, I value anyone's input no matter their age. Thanks! Marie It's not making any sense because you are not living in the real world. To me, it makes perfect sense. Given your age and marital/family status, you will have to choose between guys who are "too old", look like the cable guy, are cheating on their wives or all the above. The reason why these are the only types that contact is, well, because these are the only types of men that are interested in you. Let's look at things realistically . You are a divorced single mother who is long past her prime. Do you honestly think that you're going to attract a good looking, single, high-quality guy who is younger than you? Really?? You are one of those women who have ridiculously unrealistic expectations.
temporaryvisa Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Wow, feelsgoodman, are you an ugly fat older woman or something...Why the bitterness...jesus ****in christ, she is a good looking lady. get over it.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Wow, feelsgoodman, are you an ugly fat older woman or something...Why the bitterness...jesus ****in christ, she is a good looking lady. get over it. No, you are confusing me with your mom. The OP asked what her problem was. I gave her an honest answer.
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