ddevil Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Hopefully you all will be proud of me. quick recap: my ex dumped me after 3 years and 3 months together. the first 6 weeks she was a wreck, using me as her emotional tampon. I went along with it... I got sex out of it at least. She wanted to remain friends, and I went along with it for said 6 weeks, holding on to some serious false hope. As she started to fall back more and more to a friendship only type relationship with me, I got aggrevated with her seeming ease of doing such. The final straw were some comments she made on FB in reference to me judging my character... So I blocked her, deleted her number, blocked her on AIM, moved my stuff out of her parents house (had some things in storage there) and implemented NC. My idiot friend "A" accidentally invited my ex, "E" to a party that I was also invited to. luckily, I found out through someone else that she was going to be there so I could mentally prepare myself beforehand. This party was primarily MY friends, people that E had only known, met, or hung out with through me. When I did find out about E being invited, I didn't think she would stay too long because it was obviously going to be sort of awkward.. Plus, even when we were dating, she never really liked hanging out that long. I have been NC with her since the end of April (save for one happy birthday text i sent her). I had gone to a wedding earlier in the day, so luckily I was looking pretty damn sharp. When I arrived at the party, the first thing I saw was her car parked in front of A's house. I didn't fully decide to goto the party until right before I walked through the door. My friends L and Y made sure to remind me that they were there with me and that it was going to be alright. When I walked in the door, I peeked into the garage area where everyone was gathered and caught a glimpse of my ex. I had driven far, so I used this opportunity to goto the bathroom, give myself a pep talk and put on my game face. I had debated not going to the party at all once I found out E was going. Firstly because I wanted to continue my 100% NC with her, and also as a sort of jab to my friend, A for not only inviting her (be it accidentally or not), but also because I had to find out about her showing up second hand. I was NOT the first person to find out about her planning on going, which ruffled my feathers. On the other hand, I still wanted to go because a few female friends I had not seen in a very long time would be there and I looked forward to reconnecting with them.. as an added bonus, my ex would have to watch me talk and give a lot of attention to these girls and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. I debated slipping back out the front door and just leaving... but I was already there.. I might as well follow through. I opened the door to the bathroom and headed to the garage. I saw some old familiar faces so I quickly fell into conversation about all things geeky. I would sneak glimpses at my ex. She was there with some girl I had never seen before.. I knew she wouldn't go alone. It took a lot of courage, but I eventually ended up sitting at the same table as E, and I pretty much ignored her. I tried not to look at her, I didn't acknowledge her when she tried to interject into the conversation. I felt horrible doing it, but in some way I needed to prove to myself that I could put a brave face on in front of her.. and maybe in some way, show her that I don't need her, and that her actions during the breakup (stringing me along) is not something I'm very happy with. Eventually, our eyes caught. I can honestly say I didn't really feel anything in my heart when it happened. I was too focused on maintaining my aloof outer appearance that it didn't really effect me at the time. If I felt anything, it was more of an "oh ****" feeling because I knew she would take that opportunity to try and get my attention, and I knew I had to think of something to do quickly. She flashed a cheesy forced smile. Not forced in that she didn't WANT to smile, forced in that I don't think she really wanted to smile. It was her fake smile she put on when she was sad or upset. I dated her for 3 years, I've seen it many times. She softly said "Hey" and waved at me. I waved back at her, and continued with my conversation with whoever I was talking with at the time, barely breaking stride. I continued to ignore her and not look at her. A few girls were talking to me that I had not really met, so that was a nice feeling. One of them even made it a point to seek me out and introduce herself. I wished in my heart that my ex saw this, and that it made her extremely jealous. Its weird, because I'm not much of a drama person or anything of that nature.. but I guess in my head somewhere I want my ex to regret her decision through and through. I could tell that my ex was over-acting as a way to try and get my attention. She would laugh excessively loud, or show her phone to her unknown girlfriend and they would giggle about something. I didn't bite or show any visible attention to it, I just kept trucking for the whole night. When she finally decided to leave about 2 hours later (it felt like 10 times as long) she walked up to me as I was talking to someone. I saw her there but I kept talking and she just stood there.. she said to someone (idk who) that "i'll just wait till he's done I don't want to interrupt". I finished my thought and I turned and looked at her. She said "Um, Mom and Dad wanted me to tell you they say 'Hi'." I replied "Tell them I said hey." She then said "It was good seeing you..." there was a pause. I can't remember if I didn't say anything, or if I said "Yeah..", but after that she said "Bye." in a somewhat solemn manner. "Bye." I replied pretty coldly. After she left I let down my guard, but that is when everything started to really effect me and get to me. A lot of people were asking about what the deal was (apparently they could tell something was a bit weird... maybe because I was ignoring her). It was almost harder to deal with once she left. My friend A tried to come up to me at the end of the party to talk to me about inviting E, and I cut him off and told him I didn't want to talk about it. I guess I'm still a bit annoyed with him. My other friend R commended me on how I acted, and told me that if I needed to talk she was there for me. I thanked her, but told her it wouldn't be necessary (I've felt a lot lately I can't really goto any of my friends about E anymore). But a few days later, I'm still having trouble shaking off the events of the party.. I'm trying to remain true to myself and to respect myself. I've been bouting back n forth with emailing E to explain to her that I don't hate her, but that I still am not ready to even think about talking to her, let alone see her or attempt to be her friend again. The thing I keep trying to remember is that she dumped me, and this is what she wanted. I have nothing to apologize for, and I have nothing to explain to her. She has made her bed, and its time to sleep in it. Breaking up with someone has consequences. You cannot simply roll-back a 3 year relationship to friendship only, especially when marriage and children were beginning to come into conversation. (However this plays into our age difference, which is another topic for discussion... even though it most likely played into why she dumped me, and also plays into why I blame myself for the entire situation). Staying friends with someone or keeping them a top priority in my life when they want to reduce my ranking in theres is absolutely a stab in the heart, and completely unfair. There is nothing in this world that would have made me consider dumping E, but she clearly didn't feel the same way. The break isn't so much of what hurt, its how she handled the immediate thereafter that really tore my heart to shreds. The bottom line is, everyone here needs to realize that no matter what, you have to respect YOURSELF above all else. If I can do it, you can too. Be strong. An ex is not worth sticking your neck out for, especially when they're the ones who have dumped you.
2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 You should just stay away from her, dont email or txt you will rgret it and you will also give her an ego boost as well + it will justify in her that you were not hurt really by the BU and so will think it is ok to do this to others - that she can dump someone and use them as their emotional tampon until they are healed then drop you like a hot plate then they will come crawling back as a friend. Do not repeat do not give her any satisfaction by contacting her however much you want to. Keep remembering how she treated you post BU. 2011
mr.goodguy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I agree with most of 2011 except for "Keep remembering how she treated you post BU." The only thing you can change is the present (easier said than done, but doable)...who your friends are, who you go out with, etc. Forget about the b*tch...however she treated you, she did. It only deteriorates your healing to remember that bad parts. Be the bigger man, head up, smile on, indifferent to her. SHE lost out...and she'll realize that over time. Happy healing, my friend.
MovingOn13 Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Good story indeed man. It struck a cord with me. I remembr when i got dumped i knew i would see my ex a month later at a college club meeting. I approached her in a desperate man's attempt to kinda try and rekindle things ( after break up it had been a month of full NC). I invited her to go get ice cream she claimed she was busy. The meeting ended and she walked past me...didnt say a word. I eventually passed her towards my dorm since i was longboarding and i sayd bye...and she said bye as well. It hurt that she wouldnt even say goodbye...but afterwards i went full NC and 7 months later i get a friend request and her best friend posting a bitchy response to my status about getting some girls number. It really sucks that a lot of dumpers dont respect the dumpee's feelings. They seem to always want their cake and to eat it too.
d'janiero Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Thanks for sharing your story ddevil. You should give yourself some credit in the way you handled the whole situation, as many other dudes in the same scenario would have probablly faked. In reading your post I think maybe I'll actually be ok oone day and get over my ex whom I was with for 3 years. I'm in a similar position to you at the moment. My ex broke up with me 2 months agao, and I stayed friends with her during the period, while whe was having the best of both worlds. I innitiated NC with her a week ago, and to be erfectly honest, part of me feels really guilty for doing so. But as you said, I have to keep reminding meself that it was her that wanted this. Left to me I would have still been with her. Just out of interest, what is the age difference between you and your x? Also what were her reasons for ending the relationship? Thanks and good luck.
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