Wesker Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Would that in a way make you the dumper? The ex gets the courage, high hopes, and excitement of being back with you, and you decide no way. Would seeing them getting crushed kinda put that "dumper guilt" back on you? I haven't been in a spot like that,(yet), but just wondering.
carhill Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I would see it more as rejection rather than 'dumping'. Dumping implies there was a committed and exclusive relationship, which there no longer is. When 'dumped', partners are single and free to meet and greet and fraternize with whomever they wish. If one approaches their ex-partner later, to me, it's no different than a stranger on the street. This reflects my personal viewpoint on ex'es, so YMMV.
mr.goodguy Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 This situation is really the fantasy of a dumpee. If only the dumper realized what they lost and tried to get it back would the dumpee then have the upper hand to turn them down. Strangers in the street...perfect. People change with time. We all hope for the better. How many stories have we heard of the cool kids from school growing up and being unhappy. To them their best days are behind them. To those who live life...the best days are always now with better days in front of us. Life ripens...it becomes sweeter. Sorry for the rant. haha.
wilsonx Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 The problem is if its a true gigs case, then it will be the dumpee becomes the dumper. This is where your ex leaves you for someone else, still has feelings for you and when the feelings for the other person wears off, they realize what kind of mistake they have made. They might instantly jump into another relationship to run/hide from both breakups and continue to cycle through this pattern until they have to deal with breaking up with you. Thats usually when they come back or try to come back. One of my friends at work did this, continuously dumped and went through guys only 8 years later realize she still had feelings for one of her first boyfriends and moved to AZ to be with him. Obviously it did not work out as she just became a babysitter for his daughter and actually got tired of it after about 5-6 months and came back to VA. See the problem with GIGS is it takes a long time for the dumper to come back. It happened to my dad over 30 years ago and it took 10-11 months for his ex fiance to come back. My boss at work took 7-8 years for that one but usually anywhere from 6-12 months for her others. This is my 2nd run through with my ex and this time Im not going back. It took her about 2 1/2 months last time.
mr.goodguy Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Crazy stories about GIGS, thanks Wilsonx. Just shows you how even when people act like they are over you, inside they still think about the great, genuine connections they had. Life sure is funny...
listen_to_me_please Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) I was with my ex for about 1.5 years. For about 7 months, she was having cacsual sex with a random two. First her ex before me and then some new guy or maybe mutiple news guys, I do not know. When I found out I broke up with her and then for about a month we insulted each other. Because this was my first break up experience with being cheated on, I could not cope. About 3 weeks into NC she called one of my family members and insisted I was texting, calling, emailing and harassing her (which was not true). My brother whom was with me at the time snatch the phone from my cousin and said "You don't have to worry about him calling you anymore" to which I replied to my brother, she is lieing, he responds and say "Yes I know." Fast forward 2 years, and complete NC, she sends me a Friend request on facebook. I have no idea if that means she came back or tried to come back or wanted in but I ignored it. Then accepeted after about 2 months, I called her and we spoke on the phone. During the conversation I sort of get the vibe that she's single and why she started cheating. I think it was because we stopped going out. It was only a vibe. I don't know if thats a GIGS syndrome or not but it sort of sounds like it because of the fact that when I was with her, she still had feelings for her previous boyfriend and the last time I saw her, she still had feelings for me, even though we were over and I didnt even know that part. I call those type of women relationship hoppers or monkey swingers, they never let go of one branch until they have their hands on another. Edited July 30, 2011 by listen_to_me_please
aerogurl87 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Would that in a way make you the dumper? The ex gets the courage, high hopes, and excitement of being back with you, and you decide no way. Would seeing them getting crushed kinda put that "dumper guilt" back on you? I haven't been in a spot like that,(yet), but just wondering. This kinda happened to me. After about a year and a half of rejection and me trying super hard to win my not-so-great ex boyfriend back whom I was still deluded into thinking was "the one", he told me after my breakup with my then ex (now current) boyfriend that he wanted me back. Initially I was excited and said yes, but after about two weeks of talking to both him and my then ex boyfriend (at which time they both knew I was talking to them both). I finally told my ex that I didn't want him back. In a way I felt bad because he went back into the same spiral of depression, drinking, and trying to cover me up with a string of bad relationships. But I figure he'll be fine. He left me and eventually I moved on and got over it, so he'll do the same in time. And yes I do still care about him and think about him sometimes, sometimes more times than I'd like. But in the end, as I told him what I did was for the best for both of us.
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