wheelwright Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Bigger question is: What are you going to do about it? You can: 1. Decide, that maybe it applies to some people, but not all, and look for those who are different. 2. Accept it's all of them (or enough not to bother with searching for exceptions). And drop all pretenses you're any better. 3. Accept it's all of them, yet try to be different. 4. Not care as much about relationships with anyone. I am thinking there may be a point 5. There really should be, for the sake of us all. Maybe we're just flawed, and we should develop equanimity rather than indifference as a more positive slant on point 4.
nyrias Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I thought we had deduced that it was a lack of conscience and laziness. There is no conflict. Variety seeking or trying to fulfill a need (like sex) not fulfilled at home is the root cause of the desire. A lack conscience and laziness is the cause of why they choose to use a A to fulfill those needs. A perfectly consistent view. One part explains where the desire comes from. The other part explains HOW they decide to have As to fulfill those desires.
donnamaybe Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 There is no conflict. Variety seeking or trying to fulfill a need (like sex) not fulfilled at home is the root cause of the desire. A lack conscience and laziness is the cause of why they choose to use a A to fulfill those needs. A perfectly consistent view. One part explains where the desire comes from. The other part explains HOW they decide to have As to fulfill those desires. Wow. That paints a pretty dim picture of cheaters. Lazy and no conscience.
Crabbies Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 And if they have to lie and sneak around to get it, they're pretty damn pathetic. Not everyone does that... Your judgement people make choices...
donnamaybe Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Not everyone does that... Your judgement people make choices... That's not an A. That's an "open marriage."
rafallus Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Have you forgotten where we are posting? I suppose I could have said Cioran, but then - who would have known I was marveling over Nyrias' overweening nihilism? Nietzsche is the common man's poster child for nihilism. Now lets get reeaaall pretentious about some LS posting! For the record, I wasn't alluding to Nyrias. Not even close. Maybe we're just flawed, and we should develop equanimity rather than indifference as a more positive slant on point 4. What's the difference though, may I ask? End result is about the same - you care less. And it's not like you have to turn into hermit - actually, you can mix your choices (I basically do for myself). And since I'm not feeling like a dickhead much now, I'll admit to the obvious: I probably did not exhaust all basic options. If you got others, feel free to elaborate.
Crabbies Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Wow. That paints a pretty dim picture of cheaters. Lazy and no conscience. You speak with the simple conviction of a young girl at times... Fascinating...
donnamaybe Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 You speak with the simple conviction of a young girl at times... Fascinating... It's called "the truth." You oughta try it sometime. I know, I know. Honesty, schmonesty.
Crabbies Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 That's not an A. That's an "open marriage." No, that's just "marriage" for many people... Many, many people...
donnamaybe Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 No, that's just "marriage" for many people... Many, many people... And I feel sorry for them that the only kind of people they can attract are dishonest, sneaky liars.
Crabbies Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 And I feel sorry for them that the only kind of people they can attract are dishonest, sneaky liars. You...are...adorable...
nyrias Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Wow. That paints a pretty dim picture of cheaters. Lazy and no conscience. Well, i don't white-wash my posts. The world is a pretty dim (but interesting) place.
nyrias Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 And I feel sorry for them that the only kind of people they can attract are dishonest, sneaky liars. Well, 50% of all marriages end. Do you feel sorry for those too?
donnamaybe Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Well, 50% of all marriages end. Do you feel sorry for those too? Nope. I ended mine and I am certainly not sorry. I left a selfish jerk and now have the best man I could ever imagine.
nyrias Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Nope. I ended mine and I am certainly not sorry. I left a selfish jerk and now have the best man I could ever imagine. Did the selfish jerk look like the best man before DDAY?
donnamaybe Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Did the selfish jerk look like the best man before DDAY? He pulled the bait and switch. I kept hoping he would see the light...
nyrias Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 He pulled the bait and switch. I kept hoping he would see the light... See .. that is my point. Often (but obviously not always), a WS spouse looks like the best spouse BEFORE D day. There is no way to tell. So if you (the general you to everyone) think you are in the perfect relationship, i would be very very careful. Not that I can avoid that trap myself (hypothetically) so i guess trusting is just human nature.
donnamaybe Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 See .. that is my point. Often (but obviously not always), a WS spouse looks like the best spouse BEFORE D day. There is no way to tell. So if you (the general you to everyone) think you are in the perfect relationship, i would be very very careful. Not that I can avoid that trap myself (hypothetically) so i guess trusting is just human nature. I know this man. He has a very long track record already. When I met the ex he was only 23. No years of proven adulthood under his belt.
StoneCold Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 See .. that is my point. Often (but obviously not always), a WS spouse looks like the best spouse BEFORE D day. There is no way to tell. So if you (the general you to everyone) think you are in the perfect relationship, i would be very very careful. Not that I can avoid that trap myself (hypothetically) so i guess trusting is just human nature. Yup... I know exatly what nyrias is saying here. Mr/Mrs. "demon from hell" today was Mr/Mrs. "Dreamy from heaven" x amount of years ago. They all start like that. If they didnt you would have said "next" and passed them over. I know this man. He has a very long track record already. When I met the ex he was only 23. No years of proven adulthood under his belt. Not that I'm trying to jinx you or wish poorly on you...but.....there isnt anything you could say that hasnt already been said by some refugee of a relationship that did a 180 screwed them up. As Nyrias said... I would be careful and stay on my toes.
rafallus Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 (edited) Often (but obviously not always), a WS spouse looks like the best spouse BEFORE D day. There is no way to tell. So if you (the general you to everyone) think you are in the perfect relationship, i would be very very careful. Not that I can avoid that trap myself (hypothetically) so i guess trusting is just human nature. And turn relationship into paranoia? "Oh God, she isn't home yet, she is probably pounded by another guy she met in the grocery. What to do, what to do?" With mindset like that, I just wouldn't bother altogether. It's plain masochism to me. Nah, it's a thing to worry about when it happens (or you get actual premises that make it sound plausible it does. If you are paranoid, it would be "all the time"). Theoretically you can get struck by lightning at nearly any moment, do you worry about that too? Edited August 21, 2011 by rafallus
Woman In Blue Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 (edited) I don't hate, but I think it was wrong to kill bin laden. To go into a room and kill a man in front of innocent bystanders. I found the US stance of rightous retribution worrying. Well gosh, I suppose you're right. :laugh: Maybe we should have waited until the scumbag had gone into a modern office building/skyscraper then hijacked a plane and flown it into that building - killing THOUSANDS of innocent people - in front of millions of innocent bystanders while it was televised all over the world. Would that have been better than doing it in front of the few "innocent" bystanders in the room at the time? And golly, how innocent can those bystanders really BE if they were in the company of an insane piece of sh*t who engineered the death of THOUSANDS of innocent people, hmm? You should write to our Congress and President and let them know you didn't approve of the way this dirtbag's death was handled. I'm sure they'll keep your opinion in mind when they're chasing down the next terrorist whose committed crimes against humanity, yes sir! Good Christ. Edited August 21, 2011 by Woman In Blue
nyrias Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Nah, it's a thing to worry about when it happens (or you get actual premises that make it sound plausible it does. If you are paranoid, it would be "all the time"). Theoretically you can get struck by lightning at nearly any moment, do you worry about that too? The chance of struck by lightning is what? 1 in millions? 1 in thousands? The chance of a divorce is what? 1 in 2. 50%. So no .. i wont worry about lightning. Bad relationship, yeah .. the probability warranted it. Would you worry about it if your plane has a 1 in 2 chance of crashing tomorrow?
donnamaybe Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Yup... I know exatly what nyrias is saying here. Mr/Mrs. "demon from hell" today was Mr/Mrs. "Dreamy from heaven" x amount of years ago. They all start like that. If they didnt you would have said "next" and passed them over. Not that I'm trying to jinx you or wish poorly on you...but.....there isnt anything you could say that hasnt already been said by some refugee of a relationship that did a 180 screwed them up. As Nyrias said... I would be careful and stay on my toes. Oh, I will keep up my end of maintaining the R, but make no mistake. This man would leave instead of cheat. Say what you want, I suspect possibly in a defensive ploy, but not everyone would stoop to that level. BTW, N keeps using the term d day. I was assuming that meant divorce day as regards my ex because there wasn't another woman. Only absolute self absorption.
nyrias Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Oh, I will keep up my end of maintaining the R, but make no mistake. This man would leave instead of cheat. Say what you want, I suspect possibly in a defensive ploy, but not everyone would stoop to that level. BTW, N keeps using the term d day. I was assuming that meant divorce day as regards my ex because there wasn't another woman. Only absolute self absorption. i thought D DAY is discovery day?
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