Well....

[Rory12345]

Before I post anything, I would like to say thank you to all of loveshack. I lurk here a lot just because when I am about to post advice I read some other comments and am just in awe at some of the insight

 

 

 

My story, if you choose to read it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t279640/

 

If you can't be bothered to go through it then, I'll give you some bullet points:

 

I had a violent up bringing; was abused both physically and mentally by my mother. Father has no back bone and wishes to be my friend instead of my dad. Never really came to terms to it. Was classed with server depression in February. Went to counselling in May and found out I was passive aggressive. Since then, I've turned a corner, a big one at that. I was consumed with anger/hate/distrust and they have gone. Life is looking up. I've always had an idea of the person I've wanted to be and it feels like I am achieving it. I've just started playing piano and guitar!

 

I was with my ex for around a year. We both do the same course in university. At first I didn't like her, from the way she treated guys/men. It just seemed like she used them for attention but me being me, went back on initial thoughts and we started going out in April '10. In Jan/Feb things just fizzled out, the emotion and physical contact went, More arguing/disagreements. Easter just gone, she started ignoring me when we both went home from university (200 miles apart). So one day, I brought it up with her and she said she wasn't sure if we should be together so a few days later we split up.

 

She said she still loved me and wanted to be best friends and even though I disagreed, I caved in and tried to do the friend. She still lived with me for a few days until we had a massive argument and she moved out. I decided just to leave her be for a few days. One day she kept trying to text me and I just ignored it so she went "you are making me depressed by not texting back and making me ill" so I caved in and reply. The next time I saw her in person she told me she loved me which confused me and she went she wasn't interested in going on nights out or getting with other guys". So I went NC then caved in this happened for two weeks or so.

 

After an exam, I went to the bar and I heard her talking about how this really nice guy walked her home. A week later my friend saw her walking home with him and as I felt betrayed I sent an anger filled text and she replied in the morning saying that I was a pathetic loser who she laughed at and said he was a friends friend.

 

A week later, after our final exam we all went for a drink. She sat with her friends, me with mine. The entire time she was all over the guy my friend saw her with, touching etc. She kept looking over at me while she was just touching him up. The stereotypical guy who knows nothing about women even noticed what she was doing! I saw her out in the evening, all over him and his friend.

 

I tried calling her to arrange when for her to come around but her new guy is her voicemail. A day later her and her new guy was her profile picture. I blocked her.

 

For the next two weeks I heard nothing. The first thing I heard from her was on my birthday where she emailed me about the house but didn't mention my birthday at all.

 

My ex sent a few more texts me about the house. She sent me a text asking if I had moved in, which I didn't understand, as it is no concern of hers! Not only that but when I asked for my 3 dvds back she says she can't afford to post them to me and will give them to me personally. I know that she has a job, so she can afford to post them to me. My best friend has since bought me the dvds, huzzar!

 

Anyway, my brother left his facebook on so, in a weak moment, I typed in her name and saw a new profile picture. It was the standard girl pose. Hand on hip in a dress. I didn't find her attractive when I saw it, I felt nothing actually. It just made me feel a bit rubbish as everything she was is dead. She stood out before and she's gone back on everything. Not meaning to sound big headed but it seems I have matured and handled my problems and she's gone back to being a silly little girl.

 

It may seem like I am not over her, maybe I am not but it feels like I am almost there/am there.The thought of her with any other man does nothing to me. I don't want her back. I don't miss or hate her. I don't want to talk to her as I have nothing to say. I want her to be happy. When I think back to the relationship, I just view it with happy memories. I don't know why but I still do think about her. It doesn't matter to me if she thinks of me or not. I just want to stop.

 

I guess I am just ranting. I'm interested to see peoples opinions. One friend says she will come crawling back. I don't believe her and I don't want to either.

Edited July 28, 2011 by Rory12345

[Rory12345]

I don't mean to bump at all, just wanted to post.

 

While browsing through one of my friends picture albums on facebook, I stumbled across my ex's photo (I have her blocked on facebook). Even though I feel as though I am over her or close to getting over her (not wanting her back, not missing her, no feelings what so ever) the picture still upset my stomach. I didn't find her attractive in the picture but it made it churn nonetheless. It's stopped now, I snapped myself out of it.

 

Cheers,

 

Rory

[Dblock10]

i hope i can get to the stage of not finding her attractive. but she is a really good looking girl. beautiful smile. like magazine perfect.

 

passive aggressive what is this/?

 

so have you finished university now or? I wouldnt be able to bring myself to go looking through my ex's photos now. it would churn the stomach something awful and make me want to contact her.

 

what you going to do now?

[Rory12345]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive_aggressive

 

I thought she was beautiful when I was with her but looking at her now, it just seems her appearance has gone down.

 

No, I've got one more year left with her on my course. I don't care that she's there. This is my most important year of education so my head will be in the books.

 

Thankfully, I don't want to contact her. I have nothing to say to her anymore. Even if I wanted to, I have no way of doing it. Removed all her details.

[Dblock10]

that is strange, but of course you will have to see her on your third and final year. yikes that must be tough!

 

well i met mine in the uni night club so yeah it was lust at first sight!

 

least you have said everything you want to say to her. its still pretty crappy that she's seeing another guy, i guess he isnt on the same course also?

 

isnt it hurtful how quickly girls move on lol. i am dreading the day that i find out she my ex is properly seeing someone new

but by then i hope i would have moved on as well so wont really feel bothered.

[Rory12345]

I think it will be fine. What doesn't kill you makes your stronger, hey?

 

I haven't said all I wanted to say any means but I realized there is no point as saying what I wanted to say to her will do nothing and will make me feel worse.

 

He's on a different course, thankfully. One of our friends introduced her to him a few weeks after we split up.

 

Actually, I say that day she flaunted him in front of my face was the best day of my life. It made me realize so much about myself and it actually made it easier for me to move on as I knew she'd never come back.

 

What happened with yours?

 

Cheers,

 

Rory

[Dblock10]

well thats good then i think once you get to that point its easier mentally to let go. it makes u realise you are better off without.

 

o god, mine is a long story but basically she graduated, im going to 2nd year, and now she is travelling the world for 6 months with a best mate. i am out of the picture left behind with her uni days, shes wiped the slate clean, just as young girls do when "moving on in there lives". she wont be returning to the area as she lives 3 hours from it. she doesn't want ties or relationship stresses whilst travelling, or to be obliged to do something that is near me once she is back. so i had to accept that and let her go despite not wanting to loose her.

 

ive not heard from her in 2 weeks since i went to go see her and have the final talk and goodbye (for now ?)

 

my nan died last night also, she knew (2 weeks back) that i was off to go say goodbye for the last time to my nan pretty much, and yet as i say, ive heard nothing.

 

so im letting her get on with it and thats all i can do. who knows if she will come back and want to meet me, talk to me?

 

it will be fate if we did end up back together. most likely even if she did realise how good i was, she would have slept with a fair few guys given what she is like after a drink etc. so would i want that back? probably not. depends where i'm at i guess... im a very committed kind of guy and doesn't like to have flings.

 

she is back in 6 months. and is leaving in 3 ish weeks time. either way, she never did anything for my birthday, didnt book any time off for us before she goes. told me she couldnt, next thing she tells me is that she booked days off here and there for her guy mate and girl friends bday...

 

cheers

Edited August 22, 2011 by Dblock10

[california15]

Hey Rory - I'm glad for you! - it sounds like you've reached the stage of acceptance/indifference (esp in your second to last paragraph). I'm striving for there too! I, like you, read other peoples posts with the intention of posting and am inspired by other's posts and insight... and I end up not posting because what others have to say sounds better than what I wanted to. LS is great and successful moving on stories like yours are an enjoyment to read. .

[Rory12345]

Thank you for your words california15, they mean a lot.

 

Dblock10, good idea. Just let her do what she wants, don't try to contact her and just try to move on. I'd recommend this forum:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/, as she could have G.I.G.S

 

Cheers,

 

Rory

[reimeivn]

Rory I think you are moving to the state of not able to do any harm to anybody anymore, including you aha. now you just need to let time do its things. and girls do say that but once she broke up with you like that, i dont think you should trust her anymore.

[Rory12345]

reimeivn, I'd agree. I feel stable in the person I am becoming at the moment. My breakup really did open my eyes to it all.

 

She would never come back. It's not in her nature and nor would she want to. It doesn't matter either way, I'd never take her back. It'd be a step in the wrong direction for both of us.

 

Cheers,

 

Rory

[reimeivn]

i feel like i matured so much after the breakup. not to say that i am such a good person or anything, but my ex was bad to me. he was really bad. i dont think he is a good person and so it helps moving on.

 

only the loneliness you know. at this stage i need school work and friends, that make me laugh.

[Rory12345]

I hope you don't mind me asking but what happened?

 

I'm quite a loner type as it is. So I'm starting to really enjoy the time by myself. My friends around here don't make much of an effort with me anyway. So I've just thrown myself into music, books, tv series and I upgraded my graphics card, so now, some computer games.

 

Cheers,

 

Rory