manders_01 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I have been in an interesting relationship (think Iris and Jasper from The Holiday) for about 2 years now. When I was laid off in November, we went from seeing each other super frequently (he was the contractor on the project I was the architect on) to texts and phone calls sporadically. We had been back and forth a few times before my birthday in May but come my actual birthday (which also happens to be the anniversary of the first time we had sex), I got no contact at all. I gave it one last go that night and texted him "Hi" but didn't get a response. I resolved to fall out of love and move on. I put up online dating profiles, got out on dates, made a commitment to myself to go out and meet people. I was still in love with him but my thoughts of him were coming fewer and farther between. My rose colored glasses started to dissolve and I was angry at some of the ways he treated me. I was doing pretty good at the moving on, the falling out of love, not so much. To make a long story short, at the end of June I saw him at a baseball game. Shortly after I saw him and freaked out, he sent me a text saying he was there and thinking of me. I texted back and told him I was the loud girl behind him. We texted a few times then after the game, we talked. It was great, even his admitting that he was on my **** list. At the end of our meeting, we suggested we get together after I was back in town (this was the Fourth weekend). Needless to say, I was back to square one. I came back and it took all my willpower not to text him immediately and ask him out. So when I did, we decided to meet for lunch or happy hour. I gave him some times I was free and waited for a response. A week and a half later (Monday), he texted me and asked me to do happy hour this week. I said yes, we decided on today. When he didn't respond to confirmation on where, I didn't think much of it since we had several days to firm things up. But yesterday I knew. He's stood me up / cancelled on me before. And I knew he was going to do it again. Sure enough, when I texted him to ask if we were still on for happy hour, I got this response, "I'm not sure. I'm in court today and I thought this hearing was going to be short but looks like its gonna be a 2 day deal." I'm done. I cannot handle having my heart ripped apart so easily by someone. I haven't written anything back at this point because I honestly don't know how to say it. We are not in an actual relationship. At this point, I don't even feel like we were ever even friends. How should I respond to basically say forget it, I'm done without coming off as some uber-bitch who thinks she's entitled to feelings and courtesy reserved for actual girlfriends?
geegirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) I apologize for coming of as harsh but this reminds me of a guy I was dating. Why do you think he is entitled to a polite explanation as per your decision after he has treated you like something that's been stuck under his shoe? And even after he has treated you poorly, you sit there and ponder about how nice you need to appear to him. Wake up. You are not in a relationship. He's blows hot and cold. He treats you badly. You said you were never even friends. He deserves nothing. Do you want to tell him to get lost so that you can get a rise out of him, hoping he will come running? A little bit of a jolt? Even if he does, he will treat you the same way the second time around. Why are you wasting time on someone who has no significant meaning in your life other than treating you like a rag doll? After how he has treated you, he is not entitled to anything but silence from you. Walk away with your self-respect and dignity. He treats you this way because he knows he can toy with you. He says sit and you sit. He says stand and you stand. Stop. If you are done with bad behavior, be done and that means walk away. There is no need to announce it to someone who has shown you time and time again that he doesn't really care. Edited July 29, 2011 by geegirl
Author manders_01 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Thank you. I had not responded to him and I will not.
geegirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Please don't. I was in a similar situation and it never changes. You will be toyed with because that is his pattern. Just cut him out of your life for good. It doesn't get any better with these types...just worse.
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