I want to say this to my ex so she knows but I don't know whether I should

[antinko]

I think I finally get it why my g/f dumped me.

 

Originally, when we got together, I was strong willed, confident and knew what I was doing, but then over the last year things got tough.

 

Now, although things were tough for her and I supported her, I did get real down at times.

 

I've also made a few needy mistakes post-break up, but for the last week it's plagued my mind. I've realised that I've not been my true self for ages and I really want to let my ex know that.

 

I'm at a place where I've regained a lot of my confidence and it's not just me saying that I have.

 

I know she has some feelings for me, but she said 'something was missing' and I know what it is now - I just got bogged down. It's the first time I've experienced this and I know I'm stronger for it now.

 

Please advise: do I contact her in any way? Can I tell her what I've learnt? If so, how should I phrase it?

 

or should I just keep away and remain NC?

 

I just want her to know that I understand.

[wreckedhero]

You've got nothing to lose mate. I would write her a letter saying what you feel and wait and see. You'll either get her back or you won't. Good luck. I hope you do.

[WTRanger]

Write the letter and don't send it. I'd bet the farm that what you think is missing isn't anywhere close to what she's actually feeling.

 

Ex's generally don't like to get letters from people they've broken up with that tell them how they should be feeling and what's in their mind.

 

You said you made some classic needy and clingy mistakes (which, for what it's worth we all probably do)? If you send that letter, chalk up another classic clingy mistake.

[dreamscape123]

I think I finally get it why my g/f dumped me.

 

Originally, when we got together, I was strong willed, confident and knew what I was doing, but then over the last year things got tough.

 

Now, although things were tough for her and I supported her, I did get real down at times.

 

I've also made a few needy mistakes post-break up, but for the last week it's plagued my mind. I've realised that I've not been my true self for ages and I really want to let my ex know that.

 

I'm at a place where I've regained a lot of my confidence and it's not just me saying that I have.

 

I know she has some feelings for me, but she said 'something was missing' and I know what it is now - I just got bogged down. It's the first time I've experienced this and I know I'm stronger for it now.

 

Please advise: do I contact her in any way? Can I tell her what I've learnt? If so, how should I phrase it?

 

or should I just keep away and remain NC?

 

I just want her to know that I understand.

 

 

Its a tough one... It could make you look needy ,and push her further away.... you need to think about it carefully.... But as said above, I guess you have nothing to loose...

[antinko]

No contact it is. I just needed to post this so I could stay strong about it.

Edited July 28, 2011 by antinko

[immitable]

you are doing fine, just don't send the letter.

 

Initiate a small meet up for a coffee or such, if she agrees pls try to keep it short 45 min tops, try to give hints or she may notice herself what changed. Let her time to for the information to soak in.

 

You have to be prepared emotionally for this and really want her, she is going to sense confidence in you and this time you have to start from scratch. We all have to understand that relationships end for a reason, they are dead, you performed an autopsy on it and times come to start new relationship with same people and I am a firm believer that people do change if they really want things to work out for them in the future.

[antinko]

In short, there was nothing 'wrong' with me: I'm just naive and was lacking some things which she obviously wants in a man.

 

Basically, I'm 25 and just coming into my own with my profession. It's been a real struggle in the context I'm working in and I haven't been the confident smiley me I was in the first few months of the relationship. I've also worried about money etc. but often needlessly because I'm conscientious.

 

Understandably, the passion got lost somewhat and I stopped being that smiley person she loved originally.

 

My ex is a few years older, so not 'much', but being a 28 year old lady, she's starting to think about settling down in the next few years because she really wants a baby. Previous partners have been older for her, well established...but lacked the things she was attracted to me with.

 

Obviously, she's going to be a bit distressed if I lack confidence and, then go and shoot myself in the foot post-break up by being needy and making classic mistakes. I so wish I could take those back now, but no use crying over spilled milk... I can only learn.

 

I know partners come and go, but I do love her. It's been 2 months now and my feelings remain unchanged.

 

I have been on a couple of dates since breaking up because I did want to 'try' and get over her, but I realised it doesn't work that way. I couldn't take the dates further because it almost felt like cheating.

 

So, either we reconcile somehow, or I just have to get over it...in time.

 

I also realise now that, despite not constantly messaging her, she's always had communication from me with no fewer than 2 weeks space in between. I don't think she's had enough time to properly miss me, and although we had a good conversation yesterday (bumped into her in the gym) and I remained smiley and confident (somewhat cool actually - I was quite pleased with myself), she probably doesn't trust my resolve just yet, so I need to just give her space.

 

I guess I'm mostly disappointed in myself. If I'd discovered these forums just post-break up, I think I would have avoided making so many mistakes, but you live and learn.

 

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be...