missy22 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I love him, I will get that out there first. Here is a backdrop: I am 23 years old with rough but long term relationship past. My goals in life include a college degree, and traveling to teach English overseas. I want a long life full of love, happiness, traveling, adventure, art, spirituality. He is 27 years old. He finds himself frequently tired as he is a workaholic. He poor health and little energy. His longest relationship is 9 mo. He lives with mom and can't do laundry. We have HUGE differences. The main common ground is our feeling and a few topics. His life goal is to stay where he is, work his way up in the company, and get a family and kids (which I don't believe I want). My major concern is his temper: Scene 1) His mom asks him more than once if he is hungry, he raises voice and turns mean stating "I F***ING ALREADY TOLD YOU NO ONCE" Scene 2) I ask him "do you mind if _____", he says "no", I ask "are you sure?", then he gets snappy with me. this is reoccurring. His mom overheard him talking shortly with me the other day and she talked to me about it. She told me his attitude took a decline 2 years ago, about the same time his libido did. Now I have addressed him, and a few times he stated that his temper has improved and if it was years ago he would have hit whoever he was dealing with (asking questions). I have seen him punch a wall a couple times too. He says he would NEVER hurt me. But emotionally, as small as it is, someone getting mad over small, thoughtful inquiries and concerns does hurt. Especially as I worry about others and can be insecure (working on the flaws lol) Now All this raises HUGE red flags for me. I wrote down my issues and concerns and voiced them. And we have been a lot better since we talked when I almost left him (that was during a logical period of non fighting too) and he says he needs time to "dim" his temper. Now I see him trying to be happier and loving to me, but I still weigh everything. Maybe I should trust and move forward, a fresh slate. I have blown up over his tone/attitude a lot before, threatening breakup numerous times as I do not want to deal with anyone mistreating me or anything. He loves me very much and wants me around for a long time, he is expressing it frequently as he has before. ...but the logical part realizes the reality of everything. any ideas on what to do?
Philosoraptor Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Listen to the little voice inside. You know something is wrong here and that this relationship isn't going to be worth it in the long run.
carhill Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 A good question to ask yourself is why you find a 27 yo workaholic who lives with his mother and can't do laundry to be attractive? I asked myself that question at 27 when I already owned two homes and my own business and could very capably do my own laundry (and everything else). I wondered who these men were that women were knocking me over in their zeal to get to. I have my answer. How to deal? 'Your language and attitude towards me are unacceptable. Good bye' No ultimatums, no threats, no 'almost leaving him'. Go. Decisively. Obviously, if he wasn't charming and attractive, you'd already be long gone so you'll have to resolve those issues for yourself. As you're seeing, charm and attractiveness don't always translate into healthy relationships. That process takes skills and emotional balance, in addition to compatibility. Best wishes with your decision.
linwood Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 He is 27 years old. He finds himself frequently tired as he is a workaholic. He poor health and little energy. His longest relationship is 9 mo. He lives with mom and can't do laundry. This is your biggest red flag. almost 30 years old and his mommy still does his laundry? There`s no excuse for this living situation at his age other than the fact that he`s an unmotivated, slacker. If he`s an unmotivated slacker at 27 he`ll be an unmotivated slacker at 67. Dump him for this reason alone. We have HUGE differences. The main common ground is our feeling and a few topics. His life goal is to stay where he is, work his way up in the company, and get a family and kids (which I don't believe I want). That`s a dealbreaker ain`t it? He wants kids, you don`t. This is an area where no compromise is possible. Find someone who wants a lifestyle more in tune with what you want. My major concern is his temper: If you marry this fool the only change in his life will be that you will become his mommy. You will be the primary subject for his anger on a regular basis, while washing his undies. Dump him ...but the logical part realizes the reality of everything. any ideas on what to do? Well yeah, dump him and find a man...a real man. From what little you`ve posted here I see no attributes in him that could overcome the downsides you`ve listed. Some of the downsides are so low I can`t think of any attribute he could have that would make it worth dealing with. Dump him.
sassybetch Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 why are you with him? he seems like such a nightmare, i mean even you know it! or you woudn't be posting here. you guys are so not on the right page, you want completely diff things in life. so why are you wasting your time??!?? you are already 24, go and find someone with the same wants and values as you and dump this dude!
bikinibeach Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Your bf sounds like an ass but i also had to say that i get beyond annoyed when someone is constantly asking me 'are you sure??'. I once offered to take a friend for dinner. She asked that. We were dscussing the place, casual and NOT over the top. She asked me a third time. Then i'm telling her how to drive there, the plans were made .....and she askex me fourth time!!! I had had it so i said, you know you're right! I'm not sure after all. Next time!! :) This happened by text. Lol. SO annoying.
mr.goodguy Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Life's too short to try to get a square peg to fit in a round hole. Learn from this experience...there are too many good guys out there for you to waste time with this 'kid'...I mean 'guy'...sorry, I really did mean 'kid.'
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