misssmartypants Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 About a year and a half ago I met a man and literally fell for him. I don't fall for anyone or anything, but him I fell for. He wanted a casual, unlabeled, relationship and kept things at that level. I, being an idiot, let my feelings get the best of me. When I basically told him I cared about him and wanted a more "formal" relationship, he told me that I was beautiful, smart, fun, and good in bed. But that I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend. I was hurt, and it still stings a little. Anyway, he's been engaged twice and both times it ended badly for him since then. (I know because I see this all go down on facebook or hear it from mutual friends). He will text me every now and then when he's bored or lonely, wanting a hookup or sexytexts, I've been polite, but not sexual with him. 1) The girls he's been choosing all seem to be different versions of me. Similar looks, similar hair. 2) He's complaining on facebook that he doesn't have a girl and he's bummed about it. So I have declared a six month hiatus as far as men go. No dates, no hook ups, no hanging around on POF or OKcupid (I deleted my profiles on both). I don't really want to get back with him at this point. I guess the point is, am I a totally evil person for kind of enjoying the fact that he's lonely and bummed after he rejected me like that?
sm1tten Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I dated a guy a few years ago where it was intense and passionate and I felt like I was falling... and then one day he told me that he didn't care enough about me to "stop looking" on OKcupid. And that he had been looking for a few weeks. He then proceeded to break up with me via VM while I was in the hospital (a day later). A couple of months later I met a guy with whom I stayed for two years. Very very sparse contact, initiated by him, mostly politely ignored by me. Incidentally, I saw him in person shortly after my breakup, but only said hello, as I was with my "rebound" at the time. After that ended, I rejoined OKC and saw he was still there. He added me on a social network and I read that he'd been dumped twice after the second date without any contact - these girls had simply poofed on him. And yes, I giggled a bit. I don't care if it's evil or not.
Jynxx Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I guess the point is, am I a totally evil person for kind of enjoying the fact that he's lonely and bummed after he rejected me like that? I'd have to go with yes. From your story it seems the guy was honest with you and respected you enough to not string you along. There's no reason at all why you should be happy for his misery. Also, it seems like you discovered the equivalent of "the friend zone". He likes you and is nice to you, but doesn't want a relationship.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 I'd have to go with yes. From your story it seems the guy was honest with you and respected you enough to not string you along. There's no reason at all why you should be happy for his misery. Also, it seems like you discovered the equivalent of "the friend zone". He likes you and is nice to you, but doesn't want a relationship. I don't enjoy his misery so much as think its ironic. I certainly don't want to be someone who enjoys the misfortunes of others. At the same time, I'm still not 100% "over" him, and I get these flashes of "what the hell else could I possibly have to be or have to be worthy of being loved" and he is the one who did that to my self confidence. And you're also right. He never strung me along and has never once been mean, dishonest, or dishonorable.
NursingGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 But that I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend. There was certainly a better way to say this, dontcha think? Ouch!
Author misssmartypants Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Nurse- He didn't use those exact words, but that's all I can gather. Anyway, he ended up messaging me earlier today. "Hey sexy" I said "Hi" he said " I like boobies" I said "I know, I have nice ones" He said "prove it" I said "why" He said "Just plyin" Then I texted him and asked him why he keeps messaging me or texting me when he doesn't really like me. I told him it makes me a little like crap. He said he did like me, and why can't he talk to me without dating me. Haven't heard anything since then, and probably wont for several days. But he'll be bored or lonely and will text. I don't understand. Why am I good enough to do all those things with, but not date. But he'll call a woman who'd mean to his son "girlfriend" or another one who's a drop out barfly, but not me? I know I sound pathetic, that's why I am not dating for six months, because I am messed up.
grkBoy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) I guess the point is, am I a totally evil person for kind of enjoying the fact that he's lonely and bummed after he rejected me like that? No. It's totally fine in my book. Apologies to everyone else if this makes me look evil or vindictive, but I dropped the "hardcore nice guy" deal a long time ago and will only be a nice guy to the people I love and respect. I'll admit I laugh a little when I see the women who burned/rejected me in the past to chase douchebags are still single and complaining endlessly on how there's no "decent men" out there. You dig your own hole. Edited July 28, 2011 by grkBoy
thatone Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I guess the point is, am I a totally evil person for kind of enjoying the fact that he's lonely and bummed after he rejected me like that? i'm kinda looking forward to the new gf from out of town coming to visit the city i live in so i can 'happen by' a couple of the places i dated waitresses from that screwed me over. and yes, she is hotter than all of them, by a margin too much for them to ignore.
temporaryvisa Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Why would you even talk to him when he clearly says you are not good enough?! Seriously, please get him out of your life, brush him off, you're sexy, smart, beautiful. Anyone is lucky to have you! Ignore this loser.
Jynxx Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Lots of repressed anger itt. Seriously, someone made you feel a negative emotion. It happens, it's part of life. What you do is move on, maybe learn from it and maybe just leave it behind you. Seeking revenge by making fun of peoples misfortune in dating, parading your new gf before her or calling someone you've never met and who behaved the most decent he could have given the situation a loser over the internet is childish and bitter and takes your focus away from the nicer and more important things in life. Peace out.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Really, please stop talking to him. Besides being arrogant and mean towards you, he pretty much sounds like a loser. "I like boobies"? And he's been engaged, TWICE, within the past year? Obviously he is a flop at relationships, at this stage of life anyway, and you are lucky that you didn't get more deeply involved with him Also purge him from your fb please.
NursingGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Why would you even talk to him when he clearly says you are not good enough?! Seriously, please get him out of your life, brush him off, you're sexy, smart, beautiful. Anyone is lucky to have you! Ignore this loser. I knew a guy like that once and I said to him, "It bugs me when a guy wants to f*ck me but doesn't want to date me." That's the last I heard of him and the last I wanted to hear of him. Set him straight and move on, no revenge necessary but I can understand the feeling.
NursingGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 i'm kinda looking forward to the new gf from out of town coming to visit the city i live in so i can 'happen by' a couple of the places i dated waitresses from that screwed me over. and yes, she is hotter than all of them, by a margin too much for them to ignore. Hahaha, you are doing this? I still like you though.
musemaj11 Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Anyway, he ended up messaging me earlier today. "Hey sexy" I said "Hi" he said " I like boobies" I said "I know, I have nice ones" He said "prove it" I said "why" He said "Just plyin" Is he some gangbanger thug or something? Such a conversation can only be done by someone with very little intelligence.
thatone Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) Hahaha, you are doing this? I still like you though. in at least one, the reason i can't resist is the waitress from there was screwing her boss the whole time and the only reason she was stringing me along was to make him jealous and get dates in places he couldn't afford. so yes, i will get the proverbial double whammy there, and she can't really speak up because the owner of the restaurant doesn't know that the boss is screwing waitresses who work there. if she makes a scene she'll get them both fired. Edited July 29, 2011 by thatone
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