My husband of 5 years cheated for the first time in our 11 year relationship

[Depressed Mama]

My husband of 5 years told me 2 months ago that he had been cheating on me for the 2 months before that with a girl from work. I had felt like our marriage was okay but in the last few months I noticed he seemed quite disconnected and unhappy. I confronted him twice about the possibility of them actually having a relationship but he acted like I was crazy and I actually felt like I was crazy too. We have 2 children and we both can say that we do love each other and that up until about 6 months ago, things were going really well. We have been trying to get pregnant for 1 1/2 years now and it really hurt me to find out that through all of that he could risk the possiblility of getting someone else pregnant not to mention all of the other disrespect that comes from this. We immediately decided to make our marriage work and go to counseling especially for the kids. I am not doing it just for the kids. I truly love him so much and cannot imagine a day of my life without him. He is a wonderful man and that's what kills me so much about all of this. There are many things that I have learned about myself as a wife through this and I really do feel as though this is a blessing in disguise. I have become a better wife and mom because of everything I have learned but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid of what could happen in the future. He claims it is over and I have actually spoken to her and she claims it is over. It's just so hard to believe because they used to get in there cars during lunch and meet at her house to have sex and sometimes just to talk and kiss. They even met at work when nobody was around just to talk and kiss.

 

The one big problem is that he can't quit his job because we really need the money and insurance so until we can find a different option I have to send him off to work everyday with her. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life but I really do want to make this work. One of the hardest parts of all of this is that I feel like she is prettier than me. I am not an ugly person or anything but if you put the two of us in a lineup with a group of men, I'm sure they would choose her over me everytime. She is just your typically tall blonde with blue eyes and I am average.

 

Since I found out, we have had sex almost every day and just like every other messed up thing in my life right now, I got pregnant. I tried for 1 1/2 years and finally when everything is a mess and we don't even know if we'll make it I got pregnant! A day after I found out, I started having a miscarriage and it just completed a week ago.

 

My mind is so out of whack right now. I thought I was to the acceptance stage and then I went back and started feeling more pain and sadness again. I am just so depressed right now and I don't know what to do. I am having so much trouble coping with all of this and just need some advice from someone who doesn't know me. What can I do to get out of the way I feel? I am just so hurt and scared. I am afraid to open up my heart to him again and be hurt but I don't want to give up.

[analystfromhell]

My ex-wife had a miscarriage and it greatly affected her- if it's an option I'd really recommend seeing a counselor about it. Discussing it with friends or your husband is OK but a counselor can help you explore the topic without judgement or worrying about how what you say or feel might impact a personal relationship.

 

As to your husband and relationship with him- I feel for you. My wife has done something similar recently and it really, really hurts. We are seeing a marriage counselor and I'm hoping it helps. My guess is it's not really over with the other woman but the only real way to tell is for him to open up which I'm assuming he hasn't done.

 

Glad you posted here, there are lots of us who've gone through this and with luck we can be of some help to you.

[turnera]

You need to get a counselor and start going, for both issues. This is not something you can do on your own.

[Eddie Edirol]

First of all, if he cant try for another job because you need the money, why would you be trying to have a baby if you cant afford it?

 

Second, before marriage councelling, you should find out from him what made him step out of your relationship to go cheat. Whatever happened between the two of you to make him fall out emotionally, if only temporary.