calvinist Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Hi folks ,well a wee bit about me. I'm 37, I was married for 5 years before getting divorced and have a 10 year old boy. I thereafter had a serious relationship for a further four years and lived together before she broke up with me and pursued someone else. Following that I had a number of meaningless short term sexual encounters which I used [wrongly] to make myself feel better and more attractive. I met a girl about 6 months ago and we seemed to hit it off. We are the same age and have similar interests and had our fair share of failed relationships. We were happy whether it was going for meal or cinema or just a walk down the road. We both had insecurities and spoke about it and I constantly reassured her about how I felt towards her. I learned from mistakes I had made in previous relationships to make this one work, however about 1 month ago I noticed she started to seem disinterested and distant. She stopped responding to texts and made excuses not to see me. I spoke with her about it and she said her job and outside interests [she volunteers for charity radio] had squeezed her time. She texted me the other day to end our relationship, saying I was a great guy and too good for her but she felt it wasnt going to work. After several messages she ended the relationship and we have had no contact since. Im sure its just girlie code for ''I've lost interest in you/no longer fancy you'' or ''I've met someone else but cant tell you'' Its disappointing as her previous long term boyfriends have been disasters. I decided he was gay and the other one sapped her self confidence and called her names yet she gave them 9 years of her life. I treated her with respect and she commented I made her feel like a princess yet I barely got 6 months. Now I'm on the internet seeking answers. I'm such a loser. Thanks for your time.
dreamscape123 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Sorry to hear about your situation.... I hate it when they say, " i do love you, I do miss you, but I cant be with you, I dont deserve someone as good as you "... have been told the same thing.... Going on the internet for answers and coming on here is a good thing mate, you are NOT a loser. You are infact researching for yourself wich is what you need to do in order to begin to heal....
PegNosePete Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Dude. Anyone who says "you're too good for me", is usually right. You are too good for her.
Chi townD Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Why would you call yourself a loser for reaching out to people that have been through what you're experiening right now? Well, personally, I would go NC on this girl and heal from this. I would also suggest that you take some time for yourself. No reason for you to jump into a relationship until you are absolutely sure you're ready for it.
immitable Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Hi, I think that you opened too soon to her and therefore no longer a challenge, just me thinking...
Author calvinist Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Hi, I think that you opened too soon to her and therefore no longer a challenge, just me thinking... hi folks , many thanks for your replies and advice! in a strange sort of way places like this do help ,a sort of therapy if you like . talking to strangers who have/are going through similar problems to myself is worthwhile. as the the 'challenge' thing i dont really understand that.surely if you meet someone compatable to yourself and you click,the challenge of making someone like/open up is nothing more than mind games?
geegirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) A different point of view and speaking from personal experience. If she gravitates to partners that treat her badly and abuse her, she is addicted to those patterns and unconsciously seeks those types of relationships. That is what she is used to and that is what she knows. All she knows. These types of R's fuel her interest because they are toxic and toxicity is all she has subjected herself to. You gave her the opposite, in which case you believe good guys finish last but it's not you. You wonder why she couldn't appreciate your niceness after she was in bad relationships, it was probably "boring" to her, in her mind. It's not what she's been used to if all her other partners/Rs were drama filled. It's not about you. It's not you. You're not the loser. You dodged a bullet. If she was in an R for 9 years with an unhealthy partner, most likely she has some serious demons holding her back. Edited July 29, 2011 by geegirl
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