sandrawg Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I posted a few weeks ago...I live on the west coast. I met this guy (let's call him Tom) in early June when i was visiting family and friends on the east coast, at a BBQ. He is the friend of a friend (let's call him Jon) -they've known each other since college. Anyway, I thought he was attractive..we hit it off, right off the bat. Talked all night, made out...he got my number. I didn't think he would call, but he did, and we started talking/texting/skype'ing like crazy, for 8 days. Then he told me he'd just broken up with this girl right before meeting me, and it was an LDR, off and on for 6 yrs. Said they had a lot of problems because she didn't give him much attention, but that his heart belonged to her, and that he needed to go up to see her July 4th wknd to see if it was over. Now, by that time, I had already made plans to fly out and spend the wknd with him; got a hotel and everything. Jon told me their relationship was very shaky.that this girl is not the best for Tom..but that Tom keeps going back, and it's very frustrating. I was gonna cancel my plans but, I'm a model, and I'd lined up photo shoots I didn't want to flake on. So I didn't hear from him at all July 4th wknd but a few days later, he wanted to take me out to dinner..go out to an art gallery, or something..I dunno, it was confusing. We ended up hooking up..and yes, I did go out with him the day after..we hung out with his friend-slash-boss. When I was up there, he said the gf and him were going to "work things out." Still, that didn't stop him from hooking up with me and taking me out on what was effectively a date, the next day. I posted up here when I came back from the trip, and everyone said to dump him, that it's not too late to get away from this situation. I haven't been good at that. I don't call or IM him, but he's always contacting me. We've spent HOURS on the phone, every day. I don't know how he has time to talk to the LDR girlfriend?? Since he's always talking to me. I'm actually relocating out there in the fall, and he keeps talking about spending time with me, and all the things we will do... ?? His friend Jon is actualyl going to be my housemate. So I'm sure I will see Tom a lot, even if I'm trying to put some distance btwn us. Anyway, something happened that I think is going to help me end it. I was on Jon's Facebook, and I saw a comment by someone I thought might be Tom's girlfriend. I did a little poking around, and based on what little info Jon and Tom have both told me about the girl, it's definitely her. She even has Tom's brother as a FB friend (tho not Tom; he's not on Facebook.) I dunno..something about seeing her photos, and her info..it just hit me..this is a REAL person. I know it sounds dumb, but the reality of what I did..helping her bf cheat on her..just hit me in the face. She became a real person and not just some abstract concept that I could shove under the rug because it's inconvenient that he has a gf. I just started feeling gulty about how it would effect her to know what her boyfriend did with me. And it made me realize I need to move on. Anyway, I suggest anyone who's considering getting involved with an unavailable person, go look at their wife's or gf's facebook, or somehow find photos or info about the BS. It just might make you think twice.
MissBee Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I posted a few weeks ago...I live on the west coast. I met this guy (let's call him Tom) in early June when i was visiting family and friends on the east coast, at a BBQ. He is the friend of a friend (let's call him Jon) -they've known each other since college. Anyway, I thought he was attractive..we hit it off, right off the bat. Talked all night, made out...he got my number. I didn't think he would call, but he did, and we started talking/texting/skype'ing like crazy, for 8 days. Then he told me he'd just broken up with this girl right before meeting me, and it was an LDR, off and on for 6 yrs. Said they had a lot of problems because she didn't give him much attention, but that his heart belonged to her, and that he needed to go up to see her July 4th wknd to see if it was over. Now, by that time, I had already made plans to fly out and spend the wknd with him; got a hotel and everything. Jon told me their relationship was very shaky.that this girl is not the best for Tom..but that Tom keeps going back, and it's very frustrating. I was gonna cancel my plans but, I'm a model, and I'd lined up photo shoots I didn't want to flake on. So I didn't hear from him at all July 4th wknd but a few days later, he wanted to take me out to dinner..go out to an art gallery, or something..I dunno, it was confusing. We ended up hooking up..and yes, I did go out with him the day after..we hung out with his friend-slash-boss. When I was up there, he said the gf and him were going to "work things out." Still, that didn't stop him from hooking up with me and taking me out on what was effectively a date, the next day. I posted up here when I came back from the trip, and everyone said to dump him, that it's not too late to get away from this situation. I haven't been good at that. I don't call or IM him, but he's always contacting me. We've spent HOURS on the phone, every day. I don't know how he has time to talk to the LDR girlfriend?? Since he's always talking to me. I'm actually relocating out there in the fall, and he keeps talking about spending time with me, and all the things we will do... ?? His friend Jon is actualyl going to be my housemate. So I'm sure I will see Tom a lot, even if I'm trying to put some distance btwn us. Anyway, something happened that I think is going to help me end it. I was on Jon's Facebook, and I saw a comment by someone I thought might be Tom's girlfriend. I did a little poking around, and based on what little info Jon and Tom have both told me about the girl, it's definitely her. She even has Tom's brother as a FB friend (tho not Tom; he's not on Facebook.) I dunno..something about seeing her photos, and her info..it just hit me..this is a REAL person. I know it sounds dumb, but the reality of what I did..helping her bf cheat on her..just hit me in the face. She became a real person and not just some abstract concept that I could shove under the rug because it's inconvenient that he has a gf. I just started feeling gulty about how it would effect her to know what her boyfriend did with me. And it made me realize I need to move on. Anyway, I suggest anyone who's considering getting involved with an unavailable person, go look at their wife's or gf's facebook, or somehow find photos or info about the BS. It just might make you think twice. Good for you!
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Then he told me he'd just broken up with this girl right before meeting me, and it was an LDR, off and on for 6 yrs When you meet a guy and you hear the "on and off" thing and also are told they "broke up" JUST before you two met, it's a huge red flag - RUN. Anyway, it's obvious he's not "done" with her and she isn't done with him. Whatever dynamic they have together may not be healthy but something keeps bringing them back to one another. I'm glad to hear that you aren't going to pursue anything more with him. It's good that you see her as a real human being not someone who is facless and doesn't exist. You saved yourself from alot of pain and heartache by walking away now.
spice4life Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I completely agree with WWIU. Another red flag is saying their still friends. Means. They are not over them yet and they will go back in heartbeat. Good for you!
Author sandrawg Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 It's hard. I'm crying, because I guess i've gotten more attached to him than I'd like to admit. But I'm telling him over IM, we need to put the brakes on. I appreciate everyone's support here. I need it.
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