exticy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Hello, I have been dating a girl for a long time now. When I met her she we were both very young. I entrepreneur and I told her in 2004 that I will be venturing into my own business ventures and it may get tough before it gets better. I have been working day and night to make my business a success. In the beginning of the relationship I didn't want to be serious with her but the more I tried rejecting her she held on for dear life. I didn't care much in the beginning of the relationship but as time went on I started to become more and more sensitive to her needs. I wrote my book in 2003 and I did not put her name in the book because I didn't want to put a false hope on such a young relationship. But we lasted all these years. Times got tough and the economy got tough. I was scrambling to keep my business a float and turn it into a success. In the mean time she has been complaining I won't marry her or commit to her. I told her I wasn't financially ready and I needed more time. This was in 2008 and she told me she loved me and will stick it out till the end. Last year she started to act real weird with me. She lost hope in my business venture and started to think I was a failure. I told her she needed to be patient as I am on to something that will change our lives forever. She kept telling me she will leave if I don't straighten up and put her first. I tried my best to keep things stable but this year she started a new job and started to act real weird. She was acting distant then she dropped the bomb she wants a break. I tried to fix things over and over but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. She told me she wants me to do well and get my life together and she wants to be free to make new friends and change the way her life has been going with me. I tried today to make sense of the reasoning and acts behind someone who I love dearly. She told me today she doesn't love me the same way anymore she has lost love for me and it killed me. I even told her I had put a down payment on a ring for her yet she told me to return it she is not interested. ITS OVER! I am devastated over this because I really wasn't expecting it. I been so focused on by business I would have never expected the women I spent all my time and life with would just pick up and walk out one day! We never broke up for more than two weeks in so many years. This is so difficult for me. What must I do? Is this girl acting bratty and selfish? Should I ignore her and find a real women who would meet me half way? Should I keep fighting for her?
wilsonx Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Hey, first off I want to say that I am sorry to hear about your ex. It sucks but she broke her promises not you. When you started dating, you clearly told her and throughout the years that your business comes first. She stuck around for it. Her telling you that she will leave you if you don't put her first is her trying to change you and your dreams. You were set in your ways before you started dating you and she should have accepted that. Thats not your fault. I can't tell you what to do, I can give you advice. My advice would be to let her go and make your business a successful one first. Once you get to where you want your business to be then go out and start meeting new women and go from there. You did everything right in the relationship and you set clear boundaries. Just let her go and I know it hurts but you have to do it, Go NC and start healing and moving forward with your life
immitable Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I am thinking your girl wanted attention, yes she agreed to you in the beginning but regardless of your business you have to keep her interested as well. She has to see some signs that you belong to her and that you won't hit the road with some other girl as soon as you get your business where you want it to be. and I would just like to add: - women see men as a source of security - women marry when the guy is right. - men marry when the time is right
KoolKat Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 You're not going to like what I'm about to say. Basically you got what you wanted. Your business came first and you made sure she always knew that even after discovering that actually you did want a serious relationship afterall. By the sounds of it, no, she is not being bratty and selfish - you just left it too late. You can't just say "My bad" after these years and expect everything to be all better. For all she knows, you'll go straight back to ignoring her once you've put that ring on her finger. She's also not going to accept a ring now because you only put a payment on it because you're going to lose her, not because you were actually ready to marry her. There's no romance or caring in that. I don't understand where so many men think that marriage can wait for everything else. If someone loves you so much they want to marry you and you feel the same way then you propose whether you're 'financially' ready or not otherwise why should the girl wait around wasting years of her life? To be honest, if I were you, if she's made up her mind about going, let her go and be happy with someone who will put her first and wait for another doormat to come along. Sorry for being so harsh, but you made your bed etc etc.
Author exticy Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Because we live in a world where money is EXTREMELY important to live and raise a family. In new york you need to make at least 100,000 to even live in your own condo. Life is all about money. Yes people say love but love doesn't pay the bills. Financial security should be #1 because everything else flows from that and life gets allot easier. When you add mortgage, children and all the other requirements of marriage YES It must be taken seriously and with time. If it were up to me I would live in a hut and be married and happy but this is how society has molded all of us!! USA and UK!!
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