snug.bunny Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Casual relationships, are just that, casual. No feelings, no emotion, no care or concern.... It's purely selfish and self-fulfilling. That being said, why would he care, about your health? He doesn't have to...
azsinglegal Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I asked him what "hanging out" meant exactly (to him). He said "hanging out meant getting to know each other and seeing what happens". Though the next line was "I don't feel obligated to report my sex life to you, to be honest". I still take that as watching a movie and having sex ... I told him in the same email last night that when he had sex with me for the first time that he made our sexual health both of our business. I'm kind of gathering by you being upset about this situation that you were hoping for more and when you found out he was sleeping with someone else you got hurt. It happens, more common for women then men to get attached after sex. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Next time you want a FWB make your expectations clear before the sex. Afterwards, things can get fuzzy.
Woggle Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 If you are exclusive and talking with each other that is a relationship. This really shows you differently men and women tend to think. I guess a woman can ask for a FWB to be exclusive but most men are not going to be loyal to a woman they are not committed to. With men either you are committed or you are not. At least this guy is being honest.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 If you are exclusive and talking with each other that is a relationship. Any sustained connection with another human being is a relationship. I have a relationship even with you -- a virtual one, but a relationship nonetheless. I also have a relationship with my mail lady, my landlord, etc. Male-female relationships involving sex and romance are going through some big changes right now, largely driven by the fact that women can earn a living for themselves and do not need men for financial support and basic survival anymore. In spite of the difficulties, I think it's a pretty fascinating time. If there were no such thing as STDs, I'd be having a lot more casual sex right now, that's for damn sure. It's sensible and smart to consider this factor in any relationship, no matter how heavy or light it is.
Woggle Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Any sustained connection with another human being is a relationship. I have a relationship even with you -- a virtual one, but a relationship nonetheless. I also have a relationship with my mail lady, my landlord, etc. Male-female relationships involving sex and romance are going through some big changes right now, largely driven by the fact that women can earn a living for themselves and do not need men for financial support and basic survival anymore. In spite of the difficulties, I think it's a pretty fascinating time. If there were no such thing as STDs, I'd be having a lot more casual sex right now, that's for damn sure. It's sensible and smart to consider this factor in any relationship, no matter how heavy or light it is. Of course but unless it is a committed boyfriend and girlfriend thing most men do not feel they owe a woman exclusivity. This is why I think FWB relationships are similiar to communism in the fact that it sounds good theory but is usually a mess in practice. I tried it once and ended up with a crazy woman stripping on my front lawn. Never again for me even if I do end up single again.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Of course but unless it is a committed boyfriend and girlfriend thing most men do not feel they owe a woman exclusivity. This is why I think FWB relationships are similiar to communism in the fact that it sounds good theory but is usually a mess in practice. I tried it once and ended up with a crazy woman stripping on my front lawn. Never again for me even if I do end up single again. Honestly, mine didn't end well, either. I remained 100% drama free and fair, but after I broke it off, he kept sending me these bitchy, morose texts and e-mails, until I had to block him everywhere. Very childish. But I am holding onto the idea that I can have fun with a man in SOME way that doesn't get complicated and burdensome. Dammit! Maybe that's unrealistic, but I have to have SOME hope.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Also... I tried it once and ended up with a crazy woman stripping on my front lawn. That is kinda funny.
azsinglegal Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Honestly, mine didn't end well, either. I remained 100% drama free and fair, but after I broke it off, he kept sending me these bitchy, morose texts and e-mails, until I had to block him everywhere. Very childish. But I am holding onto the idea that I can have fun with a man in SOME way that doesn't get complicated and burdensome. Dammit! Maybe that's unrealistic, but I have to have SOME hope. I see I'm not the only dreamer.
Woggle Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I have seen very few FWB type of situations that become a big mess. I have nothing morally against it but it doesn't seem to work very well. I nearly had to get a restraining order against her and she was the one who was adamant about not committing to a man but the blow to her ego was too much when a man didn't fall all over himself for her.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I see I'm not the only dreamer. Dream on, sister! Dream on.
Woggle Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 While others deal with dreams I deal with reality. If something does not work and does not seem to work for a good deal of people I tend not to do it. I am not saying don't have casual sex but pretty assume you are not a man's only partner.
grkBoy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 You play with fire and you get burned. Most guys women want as the FWB...regardless if they just want the sex or hope to "change his mind"...are guys who generally get loads of options. Just speaking from my experiences. So girl meets hot or super-hot guy who won't commit, but has no problem being a "booty call", assume he's got a small harem in his little black book and you're not the only tail he's pumping. This is why I like traditional RLs.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Most guys women want as the FWB...regardless if they just want the sex or hope to "change his mind"...are guys who generally get loads of options. Just speaking from my experiences. I avoid guys who are too good-looking for FWB for that reason. My FWB was cute and sexy, but also sensitive, a little nerdy, and in average physical condition. I felt much safer with him than I would have with some hot player, and part of the reason for that is that I knew he wasn't as likely to have multiple partners. Of course, he turned out to be a jerk, too.
grkBoy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I knew a guy who worked the financial district so he had money. Owned a nice yuppie bar also in the downtown area. The guy had loads of girls on the side...even some out of town. Practically all of them though were cut from the same mold. Hot looking, sexual, insecure, low self-esteem, always wanting to be loved and cherished by a "dream man", shallow, etc. All those women equally were banging him (on different occasions) in an attempt to try to get him to commit to a relationship. I gave him loads of credit too because he would be totally honest with them and make it clear he never wanted to get married and didn't like monogamy. He in my opinion exemplified the 80/20 rule. I take my hat off to him.
Woggle Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Women and men really are different. With my one FWB I picked a woman who I thought would never want commitment and I truly couldn't care less who else she was sleeping with because I always used protection. If I meet a woman I want to be exclusive with I don't call it a FWB.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 While others deal with dreams I deal with reality. If something does not work and does not seem to work for a good deal of people I tend not to do it. Like marriage? The majority of marriages fail. Still, you chose to go for the dream of a happy marriage. I've done at least a dozen major things in my life that very few people could pull off. I don't let the failures of others stop me from doing what I want to do.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 I'm kind of gathering by you being upset about this situation that you were hoping for more and when you found out he was sleeping with someone else you got hurt. It happens, more common for women then men to get attached after sex. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Next time you want a FWB make your expectations clear before the sex. Afterwards, things can get fuzzy. I never said I was upset and I as I have said I was and wanted to hang out and have sex. It was when I learned that he was having sex with someone else as well that I was concerned for my health and didn't appreciate his lack of consideration for my health. I never was or am attached to him! The reason I decided to have casual sex with him was because I felt nothing and knew he wasn't relationship material!
Woggle Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Like marriage? The majority of marriages fail. Still, you chose to go for the dream of a happy marriage. I've done at least a dozen major things in my life that very few people could pull off. I don't let the failures of others stop me from doing what I want to do. I have at least seen a few successful marriages. To me FWB tend to be a big ball of confusion. It's too vague.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I have at least seen a few successful marriages. To me FWB tend to be a big ball of confusion. It's too vague. I have some friends who have had successful, fun FWB arrangements. And really, some of these relationships seem better, less complicated, and a lot more sexually satisfying than some marriages.
Woggle Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 If it works for them then good but in general from what I see it's just a big ball of confusion. Then again male/female relationships just seem effed up these days and sadly things don't seem to be getting any better. I think if it weren't for sex many men and women would not even associate anymore. The way I and most men feel is that unless I am committed to a woman I don't owe her a thing outside of the bedroom.
ilovedhim Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 male/female relationships just seem effed up these days and sadly things don't seem to be getting any better. I think if it weren't for sex many men and women would not even associate anymore Wow this is so true. I just started a thread about a guy i know who only needs sex once a month and actually alot of guys replied agreeing with him.
Woggle Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Wow this is so true. I just started a thread about a guy i know who only needs sex once a month and actually alot of guys replied agreeing with him. Most men don't really feel this way but it's incredibly frustrating when you keep trying to have a happy relationship with a woman and it just never seems to work out. Having relationships with some modern women is like putting together when of those extremely complicated do it yourself projects that never seems to turn our right.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Most men don't really feel this way but it's incredibly frustrating when you keep trying to have a happy relationship with a woman and it just never seems to work out. Having relationships with some modern women is like putting together when of those extremely complicated do it yourself projects that never seems to turn our right. Since when was the problem with relationships modern woman? My first choice would be a real, committed, loving relationship. But since I can't seem to meet/find a guy who wants the same thing, is just playing a game and really a boy in a man's body I am frustrated myself. So when this for a lack of a better word FWB situation came up I went with it cause I can't find a guy for a relationship (not this guy, in general) and just sex seemed like a second choice. I just didn't think about another she being in situation. So if I still can't have my first choice, I told this guy it won't work if he has sex with other woman then what now? How does someone find a FWB partner, someone your not interested in a relationship with, don't see as relationship material and can trust with your sexual safety - only have sex with each other?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 How does someone find a FWB partner, someone your not interested in a relationship with, don't see as relationship material and can trust with your sexual safety - only have sex with each other? The sad thing is that even this is difficult to find. It's hard to find good love, and it's hard to find good sex! *sigh* At least my cat loves me.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 The sad thing is that even this is difficult to find. It's hard to find good love, and it's hard to find good sex! *sigh* At least my cat loves me. So I am screwed except not the fun kind?
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