Sympathy Symphony Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) I'll be a junior in high school, and I've known Eli for awhile now. He just graduated, and we're in the same Speech team. I had a crush on him in the winter, up until springtime, a really big one. I was hopeless, I even wrote a poem for him. But I'm wondering if I actually love him. I've always liked Eli. He's funny, intelligent, has a great personality, and is heartbrakingly good looking. We like the same music, both love acting, love reading, and much more. Though, he simply doesn't see me the way I see him. Whenever I'm around him I can't joke around or be my normal self; I know that if I open my mouth to say anything but the bare basics of conversation, I'll end up looking like a complete and total dolt. It's difficult to listen to him when he speaks. He's got the kind of eyes you can simply drown in. I really care about him, too. I was reading the newspaper the other day, when an article came up about a local teen that died in a crash. The description in the first few sentences fit Eli, and before I could even read further I was crying in fear for him. (It ended up being someone else). Still, that incident made me realize I really care about him., so I know it's not just infatuation. The worst part is that I act completely normal around him, too normal. Cool, arrogant even, to the point that I'm afraid he thinks I dislike him. No... the worst part is the two parts of me that oppose eachother. One knowing the unthinkable truth that he'll never feel for me; the other, secretly hoping every day that he likes me half as much as I like him. I honestly feel heartsick. I'm unhappy, I replay in my mind the conversations we have day to day. I daydream him asking me out, all smiles, or the two of us slow dancing while the rest of the world slips away between our fingers. I daydream simply waking up next to him in a sunny bedroom, and I daydream falling asleep on his shoulder, watching a movie. I know I sound completely naive and silly, I don't blame you. It's pretty hard to put this into words, though. All I ask, is... what do I do? I'm so lost, so terribly unhappy. What the hell do I do? Edited July 28, 2011 by Sympathy Symphony
lovesickmonkey Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Ouch. I hate to tell you this but these infatuations don't diminish as you get older (I'm 43 and I still have them). It sounds as though you consider yourself unworthy of Eli. You get all bent out of shape when you're near him. You're not "yourself." But yourself is the best way to be ... it's the most attractive you. Get him off of the pedestal you've put him on. Get to know the real Eli and let him see the real you. If there's any potential between you it will only be revealed when you are two human beings. Of course, it's easier said than done. I was a wreck around the pretty women when I was a junior, unless they were crazy, theater-types, and you know what I'm talking about there, right?
Author Sympathy Symphony Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 thank you! That was so helpful... I'll try to come out of my shell and really get to know him!! Thank you, once again. (and yes, I do know the crazy theatre type!) Haha.
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