babycat Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Hey everybody, i'm a first time poster (yay) but have been lurking about for a few weeks now. So be gentle with me lol. Well usually people start with the whole story but thats just way way too long. so ill try and shorten it to the last few weeks, the important bit for right now. Basically i'm a wreck my boyfriend of 3 years officially broke up with me. To be honest i cant tell you when we broke up, if you ask him he would say 3months ago, personally i dont have a clue as he has had me back and forward on a yo yo all that time. He would want me gone one minute but then be calling me all hours telling me he cant live without me. So he had recently changed his mind about us yet again and he was on board with being together and really trying to make this work and then i got a phone call from him saying that he really does love me but he has to be honest with me to be able to move forward in the relationship *warning flags*. He then so politley proceeds to tell me that he has been sleeping with this girl for the last 2months. I cant believe i thought any different. The moment he told me everything made sense. I think somewhere deep down i fully suspected he was at it. So i tell him sorry but no thanks thats one step to far, i want no more contact with you, if you respect me stay away from me. Since then my life has tumbled out of control. It took a couple of days to hit me but oh boy did it hit me. It hit me on facebook 2 days later when i saw a post from her saying me and R are expecting a baby. I was distraught, how could he be so hurtful and just drop me in this way, well it turned out to be a lie, maybe to hurt me i dont know. I dont know much anymore, i almost hate this person but some obscure part of me loves him so much i cant seem to let go, i know i have to and eventually i will but the pain is so intense, i never imagined a person could feel so much pain, its like its eating me from the inside out. I managed a few days without contact i sent him a message saying that i dont want to hate him and even though i am in terrible pain we had so many good time that i want to be able to remember them and not feel like they were a waste. he replied with " I dont want to hate you either, ill phone you later and we can talk. So i wait and i end up missing his call, i phone back about 15minutes later to be met with i will phone you in half an hour. You can guess what happened yep no phonecall. So i decided F*CK it i am not wasting anymore energy on this person. So i have been no contact for about a week until today when i get a delightful text from him accusing me of sleeping around with this guy for months and that he plans to tell his girlfriend (who is crazy btw). I replied saying that he could believe whatever he wanted and if he really wanted me to get battered by this girl after everything he has already put me through then he should go ahead. Afterward i was so annoyed for breaking contact and jumping to the bait. I Vowed i would not do this again. Then a few hours ago i recieve a call from a blocked number, when i answer its him. My stomach flipped i was taken completley of guard, i hesitated for a second to long and all of a sudden i was sucked in. I began pouring my heart out, every feeling i have had and more, i wanted to know how he could to this to the person he was so in love with 2weeks ago. Its so unimaginable to me. He couldnt give me any answers, all i got was "i dont know" and making excuses for himself. then he informs me that he and this girl are now in a relationship together. I was gobsmacked. How could he replace me so quickly. He told me about how they booked a holiday to paris today for her birthday in november. He has booted me out of his life and thrown her straight in. She is sleeping in our bed and cuddling on my couch. Its so totally unfair. How can he treat anyone like this never mind me. He then tells me that he hopes he never sees me on a nightout incase he does something he regrets and he wouldnt want to do that to her. WHAT!!! Is he totally insane or am i soo messed up in the head right now that im missing something. Then he tells me he hopes we can be together in the future just not at this time. I'm so baffled by his behaviour but the way he talks its as if he sees nothing wrong with this behaviour. "im just trying to be honest". Hes in lala land and in the process turning me into a looney tune. Will it ever end?? im so emotionally exhausted. Sorry for the rant, i thought i would manage to keep it short but i kinda babbled on. I'm not even sure if it makes sense, theres just so much, sorry. I just couldnt stop. Also i apologise for my bad spelling and grammer. Its 2.30 in the morning here and this is the second time i have wrote this. It chucked me out last time when i tried to submit it. ( I burst out crying lol). Im not sure what i want from you readers and its okay if i dont get a reply. It feels nice to get it out there and off my chest in a safe enviroment xx
DontWorryBHappy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 The BEST possible thing you can do right now is go no contact. I'm sure his girlfriend would love to hear that he told you he wants to be with you in the future! Look at him, he's desperate. He calls you up and tells you about his new girl, expecting you to freak out. He obviously has zero respect for his new girl, and none for you either. He sounds a bit crazy. Don't talk to him, at all. If you MUST say anything else, tell him that you're doing just fine, and wish him well with his new relationship. That will irk him way more than freaking out at him will, or pouring your heart out. Act like you don't give a damn.
just_scott Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 WoW first of you don't deserve to be someones yo yo and your with them 3 yrs . it's either all in or all out .the guy cheated on you kick him to the curb -sure you'll still have some loving feelings towards him you had 3 yrs together BUT he messed up on you by cheatting .it's gonna take you some time to feel better BUT you'll get through it and find someone who wants to be with only you the way a relationship should be like a lot here say go totally No Contact it'll help you heal , don't go thinkin about what he's doing etc those thoughts will drive you crazy and you'll end up contacting him and re open your wound No Contact is tough to do BUT it's best for you
Author babycat Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Hey thanks for replying, well its the next day and today was sooo hard, he accomplished what he set out to do and get under my skin and bring all those feelings rushing to the surface. I have no intention of contacting him again, he has messed me about for to long allready and i'v finally had enough. i wont give him the satisfaction. Although im hurting terribly at the moment, i feel like last nights conversation gave me some sort of closure. By expressing the way the he has made me feel, even though i got none of the answers i wanted atleast i got it out. The sad thing is i still don't think he has any conception of how much he has damaged me, he honestly believes he hasnt done that much wrong. I am coming to terms with the fact that this isn't the man i fell so madly in love with. I dont even know this creature. Its all so sickening. Was it all lies?? Was he that good of an actor to fool me all this time. People dont just change like that, he must of had this in him all along. The hardest part im dealing with just now is what you say just_scott, the not thinking about them together its with me constantly. I know this is self destruction but i cant get the thoughts to stop. Do they cuddle like we cuddled, does he send her lovey dovey texts, are they with eachother just now, is the sex better?? (doubt it though lol) Its driving me insane. Its uncomprehendable to me that he can even talk about her in this way, like hes been with her for months its been 2 effin weeks. Arghhh When will the madness end. Again thanks guys for replying. i need this stuff drummed into me x
just_scott Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 babycat yepp thinking of your ex and the new girl and what their doing and IF he's doing things with her he did with you etc those thoughts will drive you crazy too bad theirs no dam switch in you to turn those thoughts off ,i know i've been through those and it suxss ,i just think of my relationship as some stupid play i was in , or some movie i seen NOW i think of it as an ongoing comedy and i just laugh at it , hell i've seen my ex and the new guy out and waved to them , seen them in a bar and sent over a round of drinks and just smiled I'M not gonna waste my thoughts n feelings on someone who clearly isn't thinking of me eventually those thoughts you're having will stop or at least get so less you'll be able to deal with them ONE day i know my ex will contact me BUT i wont be responding AND if i do it wont be the reponse she'll be expecting right now it's a game to me nothing more EVERYTHING you've heard from your ex probably wasn't lies just short truths for those moments or maybe he was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear NO matter what feelings of love don't just poof disapear he' gonna come across things that will remind him of you and the same for you could be a song , a place,a t.v. show anything just don't let those thoughts linger inside you you'll find someone who wants to be with you and only you may take ime but it'll happen
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