I this my mistake?

[curioscapricorn]

I don't know where to begin. I suppose some background information would suffice.

 

We had been eachother's first love when we were in middle/high school, but lost contact for a long time. At one point she got pregnant and married. A few years down the road, she looks me and we start talking, she told me that she was not happy with her marriage, she got married for all the wrong reasons, etc. We kept the talks mostly friendly, just catching up on our lives and what not. At the beginning of this year, she moved out into her own apartment and we starting dating. Seeing as she was still married, and newly separated, I wanted to take things very slowly, as I was unsure of the situation, but through our communication I had started to fall for her again. I was still keeping my options open, looking for work wherever it might take me. After about two months, she broke up with me. She said that I wasn't invested enough and that she couldn't deal with the idea of me up and moving somewhere for work. I was insulted, we fought, I tried to tell her that I had feelings for her, she said she would think about it. After a few conversations over the course of a month or so, she said she needed time with no contact to think things over and that she felt that by her birthday (then a few weeks away) she would know whether or not she wanted to be together. Halfway through this time she tried contacting me, we got into a fight, I was drinking and said some unfavorable things because she was being a hippocrit by breaking her own rule. By her birthday, she said she just couldn't handle the idea of me leaving and that it wouldn't work. Then there were these pictures of her on her facebook with her husband. I confronted her about it, she denied they were together, I said I had seen the pictures, she said he had just taken her to a concert for her birthday, we argued, finally she said that she went back to him the night I told her to f-off for being a hippocrit. That was that.

I made plans to go to a school locally and after a few weeks apart, I thought I would contact her, I told her about my decision, and we started talking again. No, I didn't make the decision to be with her. By about May, we were been back in a relationship, we've seen each other at least once a week, sometimes I would spend the night, we'd do dinner and movies, it was great. We would also talk on the phone almost every night.

 

Then, on the weekend of July 4th, I was in TN visiting my brother, and she went to hang out with her friend, who is married. I thought the two (maybe three) of them would just be hanging out, but that night she sent me pictures of her and her friend all trashed and there happened to have been another picture, with the legs of two guys in it. So, I called her and confronted her about it because it didn't seem like a favorable situation to me and I may have thrown in there that I had trouble trusting her because of her going back to her ex in the first place. She swore up and down that it was innocent, he was really young, that his girlfriend on was on her way over, along with other people. This was also at 11pm and they had been a foursome for a few hours at this point. She got all angry, drove home, we fought for a few days, neither of us would budge on our stand point, my grandmother past away in this time, I had to go to the funeral, so we just kind of forgot about it.

 

Now, we got into another argument last Wednesday night, I over-reacted to something because I had been painting and the fumes get to my head and make me irritable. I went back to facebook looking for fodder, found a video that her ex had posted of fireworks with him and their daughter (she told me she took her daughter to fireworks alone). I asked her if she had really gone to the fireworks alone, she sent me an angry text telling me that she couldn't believe me that she wasn't going to apologize and fix this this time. In my eyes that text condemned her. On advice from my brother, I told her that we should go our separate ways. Then it turned out that the video that I saw was from the third, she took her daughter on the fourth. Although, her response was that she couldn't have gone the day of the video, because we were on the phone, even though we got off the phone a few hours before any fireworks would start. Seemed like a bs excuse to me. I was still upset at her reactions and over everything, so I didn't talk to her all of Thursday, then she texts me that she'll finish the chair she had been re-upholstering for me that night and bring it by Friday morning. Friday morning rolls around, she has the chair out of her car, it's clearly not finished and looks pretty bad, she says "this is all I'm going to do" this sets me off, I don't say anything, at all, I'm clearly ticked, so she gets in her car and drives off. Friday night we talk, share our views, even have a small laugh at the end.

Saturday morning I get a text that says that I had some valid points, but she still doesn't see my problems. She said that she felt we are on two different wave lengths, that I don't understand her and that she's tired of trying to understand me and that she can't be thinking about how her actions might affect me, that she just needs to think about herself and she agreed that we should go our separate ways. I sent a return text saying that if she couldn't acknowledge the problems I had with her actions and reactions and if she couldn't see how her actions might affect me, then we should go our separate ways. That was the last message between us.

 

I suppose I should touch on what my problems were. The biggest was that she didn't see any problem with the situation at her friend's house over the fourth. She wouldn't acknowledge that it was an unfavorable situation and couldn't see how it bothered me, until I flipped it around on her in a hypothetical situation, but she still wouldn't completely yield to the fact that it was an unfavorable situation. Also, all of her reactions, attacking me when I bring up concerns. I told her it makes her look guilty or like she's hiding something, she claims it's just her natural defense mechanism after being accused so much by her ex.

 

I do want to say that our relationship was amazing when we were together. We got along great, had a lot in common, had a great physical relationship, I enjoyed every second that I spent with her. We said the three infamous words, she told me that I was all she wanted, she's a spiritualist, so she believes that we're soul mates and what not. However, due to an agreement she has with her ex, I could only see her on the days when she didn't have her daughter and she could only have phone calls after she put her daughter to bed on the nights that she had her. They agreed to keep the daughter out of contact with people they were dating for at least three months and until they knew it was serious. This was trying for me, because I grew to feel that I only existed to her after 9pm or whenever she could see me.

 

Now, I'm wondering if this whole thing could just be me making something out of nothing and causing our relationship to end because of it. Is this my mistake? or do I have legitimate points? Does she really want us to go our separate ways, or was she just angry? I feel that if this is my fault, I should try to mend things, but if I'm correct in my feelings over our arguments, then I should hold off and let her contact me.

 

I know I've written a novel here and I greatly appreciate it if you've made it this far and can give me any advice at all.

Edited July 28, 2011 by curioscapricorn
Spelling/grammar, I was in haste at frist

[curioscapricorn]

I feel that clearly my issue with the relationship was trust. She was married, came to me saying that I was her true love, and that she had never been able to completely forget about me. She ended up cheating on her husband with me. I do feel bad about this, but she had made it clear that their marriage was over, that a divorce was in the works which, btw, still hasn't happened. Then, when I wasn't giving her enough, ultimately went back to her ex. This crushed me and made me question if she really meant all the "you're my true love, you're the only one I've ever wanted, we're soul-mates" stuff. I have now realized that I wasn't over these things when we got back together.

I asked a friend who knew her well in high school if she had ever cheated on any of her BF's, he said that to the best of his knowledge I was the first instance of cheating. My question is that if she could justify cheating with me, could she justify cheating on me? Did she really mean the things she said or was she just saying them? Was she just stringing me along as a rebound relationship?