DontWorryBHappy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) A little backstory. My ex and I were together for 7 months. It wasn't the longest relationship in the world, but I loved him deeply. When he broke up with me he said he did not love me anymore, and felt he did not know how to love. He wanted to remain friends, but I rejected that, saying that I couldn't be less than a girlfriend. We ended up getting together a couple times despite that, but nothing had changed, and I was devastated... so I stopped talking to him. He would try to talk to me sometimes but I did not want to be friends, so I deflected the contact. One day he called me about returning an item of mine, but he also said he wanted to talk. I asked him what he wanted to talk about and he said "nevermind". I couldn't get that out of my head though, so the next day I told him if he wanted to talk, to meet me outside. We met up and he had missed me a lot, seemed very interested in talking with me... then that night he asked if we could try things again. I ended up agreeing, but it only lasted a week. I wasn't over the hurt of the break up, felt insecure, was always looking over my shoulder (so to speak) expecting him to leave again. He ended up saying he still needed to work on himself and told me he wanted to try this relationship again later. After he left again I was totally devastated. This time I found it impossible to stay away from him. I went over to see him more than once, and was given the impression that he still truly cared about me and wanted things to work with me.. even showing me a drawing he was making of me and saying that he wanted to be with me, just not right now. After I gave in more than once and went to see him, he began to get frustrated of course... but he still kept saying that he wanted to get back together with me later. Finally I sent him a text message because I was angry about something he had said in a previous conversation, and tried to assert myself by saying that I was glad to stay away from him, being that he says he doesn't love me. I felt extremely guilty about that text for a week until I ran into him in person. He was talking to a girl, and after he started walking away from her I approached him. Suddenly I found myself angry with him, maybe because I was jealous of another female talking to him (with her hand on his shoulder) when I couldn't, or maybe because I was putting on a defense to make myself feel like I had the right to be upset or something.. and I showed that I was upset. He went to talk to me outside, but it didn't go well and I left. Later that day I ran into him again and stupidly approached him a second time. I blurted out, "tell me the truth, you were just using me and never wanted to get back with me!". He had to leave to get on a bus, but I followed him on to the bus and asked him if he was still wanting to fix his issues to get back with me. He said he HAD BEEN trying to do that for me, but that it seemed like I wouldn't let him do it (because I kept approaching him). I was confused, hurt, kept pressing him, to no avail. He was cold toward me by then - I know I chased too hard and let my emotions take over. He said maybe we can try this again if we cross paths in the future, but getting back together with me was no longer his plan. Before I left I blurted out how I had loved him more than anyone, that this hurt more than anything, that I wanted him to be happy, and to please not blame me for how this turned out. All of that was stupid.. but that's what I said. The last incident happened 9 days ago and I've been no contact since. My question is, is there ANYTHING I could possibly say to make this any better? Could I say that I agree that the break up was a good choice, and I made a mistake by trying to chase him, and for getting upset? It kills me to think that he may just see me as a pathetic person from here on to eternity. Or do I just need to leave this trainwreck alone and accept my defeat? If there really isn't anything else I can say to him, is there anything someone here can say to me to make me feel like I'm not the most pathetic person in the world? Is there any way to feel better about this situation? I can't stand thinking that maybe I had somebody who wanted to pursue something with me in the future, but I ruined it by chasing and being upset and emotional... I mean, he kept saying how much he wanted me, that he truly liked me, was affectionate, was drawing a picture of me.... but of course we still weren't together, and my emotions went crazy and I got angry, desperate... Did I cause him to change his opinion about me? Help Edited July 28, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy
R32 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) You've already said everything you wanted to. Keep NC, and if he chooses to work things out with you then he'll come back on his own. In the mean time, start working on yourself. You also answered your own question, he wanted time/space to figure himself out and you kept coming on too strong. Don't count on anything, and start your recovery. Edited July 28, 2011 by R32
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