d'janiero Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) Hey guys. Never in a million years did I think my relationship would come to me having to do this...or me even having the guts to go NC. But I guess I was left with no over option. Here on some posts as to what happened in my relationship: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t282361/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t282457/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t283372/ Basically together with this girl for 3 years...awesome chemistry from the get go, so much in common, madly in love etc. She was not only the love of my life, but my best friend and soulmate. Around 8 months ago she was diagnosed with cancer, luckilly she got through it (stuck by her throughout). She split up with me twice within the space of a month basically saying we were just more like friends, didnt feel the same about me as she did when we first met etc....but still was attracted to me. So I stuck around for 2 months being friends, in this terrible limbo mode, while she gave me false hope here and there. Funnily enough it was just like we were still together, going out for dates, hanging out snuggling watching dvds etc. We were intimate once, but after that she would never kiss me, but sexual things between us would almost nearly happen whenever we were together. Anyway, on Sunday I finally thought enough was enough, and told her I understood she no longer loved me, and needed to stay away for a while and heal. Her reponse She refused to give me hug goodbye and told me to get out of her car:eek: I called her when I got home to tell her I got home Ok, and asked how she was etc. She was a lil off with me, and being sarcastic about me never wanting to see her again. I reiterated, that it wasnt like that, I just needed time to heal etc. She was like we'll just stop seeing each other for a while, and keep in touch from time to time on BBM. We'll meet up in a few months and be friends by then etc. Throughout the conversation I came to the realisation that my ex wasnt taking me seriously. And she has every right to, as I've been at her beck and call for the past 2 months. Plus she always says she knows me too well, and has said before that I'll never cut her out of my life. So this morning I decided to delete her off BBM to help me cope with BB. By lunch time she texted me to ask if I had deleted her, and I didnt respond. An hour late she called me and I didnt answer and have not called her back. My question is, do I respond and tell her I deleted her off bbm, or just stick to NC and not say anything at all? Edited July 27, 2011 by d'janiero
Chi townD Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 She's not an idiot. She knows that you've deleted her. She just can't believe you did it. Stay NC. AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO RESPOND, DON'T DO IT! Post here instead. She's been through a lot, but one thing that kinda stands out in my head is that in past posts, you stated that her mom gave you," She loves you, but not IN love with you." Speech. If that's what she's telling her mother, well....that's classic talk that there's someone else in the picture. Hell, you've even seen a pic of her and some guy kissing. She was the first to show you and the first to tell you, "It's not what you think." This is called damage control! She wanted to set a story for you before someone else showed you the pic. What are you supposed to think anyway? If a guy walks into the bedroom and his wife is laying naked on the bed as a naked guy is climbing out the window and she says, " It's not what you think." Are you gonna believe her? If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....... Stay NC and heal from this...However, she might send you some really hurtful texts or voicemail when you don't respond. Don't take it personally. She's TRYING to get you to respond! Ignore it.
Rory12345 Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Don't respond. If you do, it will pull you back to stage one again and again. I'd delete her number as well. Get her out of your life. You need to look after yourself and recover. It will be hard but you have here to vent. Stay strong!
sun_moon Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 To the OP, I know you want to respond, believe me, I know how tempting it is and difficult, but stick to your NC. You can do this, the first few weeks are the hardest. You sent her a clear message, she will snap out of her denial eventually and realize you mean business. I'm sorry you are going through this, it really sucks. @Chi town: so your very correct about the hurtful messages. I got texts last week that were hurtful to me and logically I knew it was because he was manipulating his way to get me to react and respond. Even thought I knew that it still hurt. Sadly I responded, but I pushed it off again and started NC once more. Dont make the same mistake just keep with the NC, it will make you stronger.
Author d'janiero Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) She's not an idiot. She knows that you've deleted her. She just can't believe you did it. Stay NC. AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO RESPOND, DON'T DO IT! Post here instead. She's been through a lot, but one thing that kinda stands out in my head is that in past posts, you stated that her mom gave you," She loves you, but not IN love with you." Speech. If that's what she's telling her mother, well....that's classic talk that there's someone else in the picture. Hell, you've even seen a pic of her and some guy kissing. She was the first to show you and the first to tell you, "It's not what you think." This is called damage control! She wanted to set a story for you before someone else showed you the pic. What are you supposed to think anyway? If a guy walks into the bedroom and his wife is laying naked on the bed as a naked guy is climbing out the window and she says, " It's not what you think." Are you gonna believe her? If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....... Stay NC and heal from this...However, she might send you some really hurtful texts or voicemail when you don't respond. Don't take it personally. She's TRYING to get you to respond! Ignore it. I see your point Chi-Town about what her mum said and the pic of her kissing the dude on holiday. However, in the 2 months that we've been appart (well if you could call it that as seen as we never really split) I think I would I have found out by now if someone else was in the picture. I could be wrong, but I'm sure one of her family or close friends would have let the cat out of the bag. The hurtful message came earlier this evening....see below Don't respond. If you do, it will pull you back to stage one again and again. I'd delete her number as well. Get her out of your life. You need to look after yourself and recover. It will be hard but you have here to vent. Stay strong! Thanks Rory12345. For the past few months even when we were together I have simply been putting her before myself in everything I do. Its just the sort of boyfriend I was to her, especially after going through the cancer period.....she never wanted for anything, and part of me feels this is where the relationship went wrong as I started being too nice, needy etc to her. But hell, I couldnt help it. I was juts so thankful she had survived and was still alive having come so close to death. Part of me still feels guilty about walking away from her and going NC, after everything we have been through recently. But I have no other choice at this point in time. To the OP, I know you want to respond, believe me, I know how tempting it is and difficult, but stick to your NC. You can do this, the first few weeks are the hardest. You sent her a clear message, she will snap out of her denial eventually and realize you mean business. I'm sorry you are going through this, it really sucks. @Chi town: so your very correct about the hurtful messages. I got texts last week that were hurtful to me and logically I knew it was because he was manipulating his way to get me to react and respond. Even thought I knew that it still hurt. Sadly I responded, but I pushed it off again and started NC once more. Dont make the same mistake just keep with the NC, it will make you stronger. If I'm being honest, I just don't want her lasting impression of me to be a bad one. So I do actually want to respond and say, its simply for the best that I do this. After ignoring some more of her calls this evening, she sent me another message: "Don't bother calling her back. If your going to act childish, I don't even want to bother with you anymore" Part of me feels she will send me some mean messages to try and get me to react to her, hence why I think I should text her before she texts these awful things to me? Edited July 28, 2011 by d'janiero
sun_moon Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Honestly I have tried that but to no success, nothing you can do or say even with honesty and dignity will get her to bow down respectfully. I have had that conversation multiple times with him, when we hang up, he understands but after a few days or a week and I dont cave when he calls or texts, the normal 'breadcrumbs' turned into angry manipulative texts. Think of it this way, just like you are going through stuff and you went through the worst already, the other half is as well. (well in a way) You went through the shock, sadness, ANGER, begging, etc, more ANGER more sadness, and your are still going through this. She's going to naturally lash out because she isnt getting what she wants, so her ANGER will show, no matter how civil and grown up you are about it. Its just one of the phases she's also going through. Just my two cents, though in my case, I believe he's finally stopped, you will see a new thread if he re-appears. Secondly, remember this, you owe her nothing, you feel guilt because you love her and cant resist, I know, believe me I know. Remind yourself when your feeling week, she walked away, she knows the consequences, it isnt up to me to teach her or counsel her. I have to put myself first, just like she is putting herself first. Eventually she will stop. Good luck. Now, if only I can easily listen to my own advice. Dont worry I'm in FULL NC MODE.
Chi townD Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 You have to look at it this way. She broke it off with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you're going to give her exactly what she wants. She either has 100% of you or nothing. NC IS NOT some sort of punishment for the Ex. It is a tool to help you heal from this relationship. It helps YOU get over these feelings for your Ex so you are capable of moving on. I've seen far too many threads here where people start talking to their Ex's again and they get lulled into a false sense of security and they believe they are making strides to reconcile their relationship only to be told that they want to remain "just friends" or they find out that they've been dating other people while you were lead to believe that you were on the road to getting back together again. Then, the dumpee has to start NC ALL OVER AGAIN. Back to square one and feeling terrible.
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