fetish1980 Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Well the title says it all yall. Men, you can chime in on this too! Women, is it true that even though you may say "want" a nice guy, one who will treat you nice, wait on you , and ultimately be there for you, you all ultimately go for the Bad Boy? When i say Bad Boy, i don't necessarily mean those guys who slap you around and go around robbing and kicking people's faces in. I'm really talking about the ones that put themselves first, don't wait around on you and just flat out act like they have something else going on in life and you're not the first priority. It's been my experience, that nice guys finish last. The guy women complain about is the one they sleep with first. Even if you're a nice guy that gives her no reason to complain, she begins to take them for chumps while the bad boys are viewed as more manly, strong, and confident. Therefore, the nice guy might end up getting the shaft. So what do women really want? They don't want a nice guy, claim they don't want a macho jerk, but yet it seems that those are the guys they end up subconciously falling for first. Give me some thoughts fetish
carhill Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 We need to put this into the agreement form when anyone signs up for LS. The person agrees that this is the case, everyone knows it's the case and the case will never be discussed because it is self-evident. Check the box. Thanks I parked my camper outside a prison once and....
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Wow, what a new and revolutionary topic that has never before been discussed on LS. I don't like doormats. But I like kind, respectful, affectionate men, and have dated as such.
serial muse Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) Women, is it true that even though you may say "want" a nice guy, one who will treat you nice, wait on you , and ultimately be there for you, you all ultimately go for the Bad Boy? Wait on me? No, I don't want anyone to wait on me unless I'm giving them a tip at the end of the night. Deny it all you want, but I'm with a guy who treats me well (as I do him) and is there for me (as I am for him), so I'm a datapoint of one. I don't ask him to wait on me, though, nor would I wait on him. Edited July 27, 2011 by serial muse Corrected grammar
sm1tten Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Here's a thought: women don't want bitter, whiny, boys who think that because they are "nice" they are entitled to our affection.
aliceinchains Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 he suffers from nice guy syndrome. http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/ngs.php
vsmini Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Here's a thought: women don't want bitter, whiny, boys who think that because they are "nice" they are entitled to our affection. HAHA EXACTLY. I fell for a "nice" guy that always complained about how nice guys finished last - which I found to be confusing since he claimed to be happy with me yet still managed to complain how nice guys got the shaft. Guess what? The guy turned out to be a complete lying, cheating jerk. hmmmmm. interesting.
ptp Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I don't think I agree; I used to think that way. I tried being a jerk to women and it totally worked, women eat it up and will like you. However, I realized how long can I pretend to be a jerk when I am not. It just doesn't feel natural. I am a nice guy just not a push over and if a woman wants a "bad boy" she can go find someone else.
KR10N Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Women, is it true that even though you may say "want" a nice guy, one who will treat you nice, wait on you, and ultimately be there for you, you all ultimately go for the Bad Boy?I don't expect any man to wait on me hand-and-foot.I'm really talking about the ones that put themselves first, don't wait around on you and just flat out act like they have something else going on in life and you're not the first priority.I would never put my SO first. I feel that family comes first, so I hope he'd feel the same about his family.So what do women really want?I'll say it the best I can w/ out "nice guy" or "bad boy." I want a man who's honest, faithful & independent. Not self-absorbed.
azsinglegal Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 HAHA EXACTLY. I fell for a "nice" guy that always complained about how nice guys finished last - which I found to be confusing since he claimed to be happy with me yet still managed to complain how nice guys got the shaft. Guess what? The guy turned out to be a complete lying, cheating jerk. hmmmmm. interesting. This happened to me recently. I had to choose between two men, both of which I liked very much. One was always claiming he was a "nice guy". So much, that it got annoying. Show me you're nice and stop telling me. When we'd go out on dates and he quit paying for my lunches, I knew I was going to put him in the friend category. The other guy was my trainer, who we always have fun, but he's not into relationships and doesn't want any expectations put on him as such. He was my "bad boy". I picked the bad boy...why? Because when push came to shove and I needed someone one night, he was there for me and has continued to be. He's shown me he enjoys my company and wants me around instead of talking to try and convince me he's the "right choice". I'm a fan of action over words I guess.
rafallus Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I'm really talking about the ones that put themselves first, don't wait around on you and just flat out act like they have something else going on in life and you're not the first priority. Is there even anything wrong with this in a first place?
OriginalPenguin Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 The other guy was my trainer, who we always have fun, but he's not into relationships and doesn't want any expectations put on him as such. He was my "bad boy". I picked the bad boy...why? Because when push came to shove and I needed someone one night, he was there for me and has continued to be. He's shown me he enjoys my company and wants me around instead of talking to try and convince me he's the "right choice". I'm a fan of action over words I guess. Sorry, what you just described is anything but the Bad Boy. He was there when you needed him? Shown you that he enjoys your company? Wants you around? Yea, that is a nice guy. The Bad Boys are the guys that treat woman like crap, you know; somebody who would never be there when you need him, doesn't enjoy your company and doesn't want you around unless it suits him.
OriginalPenguin Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Back on topic; I have gathered from women I know that it's usually girls who want the bad boys. Women, especially those that have been down that road before, usually understand that all of those thrills come at a price. Usually...of course there are always exceptions.
Audrina Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Well I can speak for myself, but not other women. Sure I have dated the stereotypical "bad boy" but at the end of the day that's not what I'm looking for. There is a reason they are called bad BOYS. I want a man. I want a man who treats me kindly and with respect. I want someone who makes me laugh, makes me feel safe in his arms and I have to know that I can count on him. I don't want a doormat. I want someone who isn't afraid to stand up to me when I've done something that upsets him. I want someone who is not afraid to go after the things he wants in life - this is one of the qualities I look for the most. And I need someone who understands how to create their own happiness without depending on someone else for that happiness. I don't want a bad boy, I want a man who isn't a doormat. I think so many "nice guys" complain about women not being interested in them because they are "nice" but what they don't realize is that while yeah, they might be nice, they are doormats, nobody wants to date someone they can walk all over. Most of us need someone to say enough is enough, when it's enough for that person. That doesn't mean you have to be mean, it means that you're willing to stand up for your own wants and needs in the relationship.
sally4sara Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 When i say Bad Boy, i don't necessarily mean those guys who slap you around and go around robbing and kicking people's faces in. I'm really talking about the ones that put themselves first, don't wait around on you and just flat out act like they have something else going on in life and you're not the first priority. Men, women, vegetarians and librarians, it doesn't matter what group you're looking at you will find a few who are broken and don't know they are worth being treated with consideration. This doesn't mean everyone in whatever group you examine all think that way. You're definition of a bad boy is not on the money. True, a bad boy will not just smack you around and be robbing and stealing - that is a criminal and they don't have to be one gender or the other to be a criminal. But the fella you describe IS a bad person AND not what most women are looking for. The bad boy you see women gravitate to and want to be with for more than a date or two is the guy who has moxie. He stands out from the crowd and not because he is acting like an ass to everyone around him. He is different because he isn't predictable. He won't get easily worked up about what most guys get worked up about - he makes up his own mind about what is worth getting worked up about. He is playful, but not rude or condescending. He has a personal style, but not a costume. And he will risk looking foolish for the chance to be amazing. And while this might get under some peoples' skin and have them thinking he is likely a bad guy, the woman in his life is treated with care. Just because guys like you assume he is a bad guy doesn't mean he is as you assume. How do I know you assume the wrong guys to be "bad"? Because you believe treating others shabby and being a negligent, self serving jerk is a "bad boy". Nope, that's called being an a$$40le. And guys who get confused about this are rarely very nice.
SteelWall Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Nice guys....Bad guys....neither, I wish for a 'normal' guy with just enough interest in me while having his own life too. A guy that has not categorized himself and is his own person, not trying to be a type of guy. A man who is naturally kind and relaxed, and we both enjoy being together without trying while also having a ball with one another. I do not do well with bad boys, because I demand respect, and it will end quickly and on bad terms. I will not continue to give chances to a jerk or care if he likes me or not. This happened recently with a friend who lied to me and treated me poorly unjustly...and it did not make me want him more or wish he wanted me..it put him in the 'eh' category eventually. I refuse to allow myself to be treated like dirt.
azsinglegal Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Sorry, what you just described is anything but the Bad Boy. He was there when you needed him? Shown you that he enjoys your company? Wants you around? Yea, that is a nice guy. The Bad Boys are the guys that treat woman like crap, you know; somebody who would never be there when you need him, doesn't enjoy your company and doesn't want you around unless it suits him. I guess by "bad boy" I think image, not necessarily mean to me. I won't date any of those anymore...done that scene. He's not a nice guy...he's kind of a jackass, but that's part of his charm. One minute he'll be a total PITA, the next he'll want to snuggle me. I know I'm no walk in the park and am pretty moody myself. He's blunt, almost rude, give it to my straight, non-emotional discussion type of guy...hell, I'm not even sure if we're a couple and we've been seeing each other for 3 months. He's not abusive, rude, name calling, never puts me down - always motivates me and is constantly positive about EVERYTHING in his and my life. But you're right, when push came to shove, he was there for me and that speaks volumes. Guess he's a sheep in wolves clothing.
GoodOnPaper Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I had to choose between two men, both of which I liked very much. One was always claiming he was a "nice guy". So much, that it got annoying. Show me you're nice and stop telling me. When we'd go out on dates and he quit paying for my lunches, I knew I was going to put him in the friend category. The other guy was my trainer, who we always have fun, but he's not into relationships and doesn't want any expectations put on him as such. He was my "bad boy". Did your "nice guy" know that he was up against a physical trainer? If so and I was in your "nice guy's" shoes, I wouldn't be terribly motivated to keep buying your lunches either . . .
azsinglegal Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Did your "nice guy" know that he was up against a physical trainer? If so and I was in your "nice guy's" shoes, I wouldn't be terribly motivated to keep buying your lunches either . . . Yes and in turn, I was using my knowledge to help him at the gym. But really, they were both just FRIENDS. I didn't cross that line until I slept with one of them and then I had enough respect to tell him I was seeing him. He deleted/blocked me from everything immediately. I can see your point too.
Author fetish1980 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 Wow, what a new and revolutionary topic that has never before been discussed on LS. I don't like doormats. But I like kind, respectful, affectionate men, and have dated as such. i realy couldn't care less if its been discussed on ls before. we'll discuss it again. How bout that? that's my bad boy mantra (j/k) We need to put this into the agreement form when anyone signs up for LS. The person agrees that this is the case, everyone knows it's the case and the case will never be discussed because it is self-evident. Check the box. Thanks I parked my camper outside a prison once and.... Nice going. you really landed a punch at being witty and funny at the same time! You should do stand up. fetish
carhill Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Probably the results of 23,000+ posts and dozens of 'nice guy vs bad boy' threads. Happy you were enthralled.
rafallus Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 When we'd go out on dates and he quit paying for my lunches, I knew I was going to put him in the friend category. (WARNING: Kanye West's song)
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Back on topic; I have gathered from women I know that it's usually girls who want the bad boys. Women, especially those that have been down that road before, usually understand that all of those thrills come at a price. Usually...of course there are always exceptions. I agree. Our culture has socialized women to be the ones who do most of the emotional heavy lifting in a relationship. When we are young, we think that if it involves work, it must be a relationship!! so in trots 'bad boys' ready to make us work. If our parents have a less than healthy relationship, then we have nothing to model either. When we get more experience, and self confidence, we realize that the 'work' of a relationship requires two and won't settle for less. Both the man and woman giving and sharing. That is where I'm at now and have been for awhile. The 'bad boys' show their hand very early on, and I walk. Better to be alone. I agree that 'nice' guys don't have to wave their niceness like a flag... and whine. If they treat others with the respect and consideration they deserve, they may not be the ones getting laid on date one... but they will end up with the prize at the end. Someone who really loves them. Hang in there!!
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 While I've never met a "bad guy" who had trouble keeping women around and getting dates, I also know plenty of good/nice guys who get dates and relationships too. So... That being said, I don't think I've ever met one of these "nice guys" that everyone keeps talking about who complain (to the women they want to date) about how all women like bad guys and nice guys finish last etc., etc. I don't doubt that they exist, but all the guys I've ever met (including myself) who have trouble getting dates and relationships have that trouble not because they're too nice, but rather because they lack assertiveness in the attraction stage of dating and courtship. They're assertive enough people in other avenues of life: work, school, among friends and family; just put them next to an attractive woman and they're toast. I don't know, just my two cents. Perhaps these "nice guys" are merely over-represented on internet forums and the like. I never thought of niceness as being a deal breaker or deal maker, just one of many attributes that make you who you are.
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