AndyW Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I was recently dating a girl from high school that is married. I'm 35 and she is 33. She sought me out on fb and we started talking back in Feb. I know it wasn't a great idea but the more we talked the more she convinced me it was over between them and she was just trying to figure out the best way to leave and take her 3 yr old son. I agreed to meet and long story short we had a 5 month relationship. I say relationship because we talk 100 times a day. Emailed, fb, yahoo messaged, saw each other 2 or 3 times a week. As time progressed I pushed and pushed because for one it wasn't right and for two I wanted to know this was real and not a game to her. She finally told him about us and he throw her out. That same day she yahoo messaged me it's over and goodbye. She begged him to take her back and he did. They are apparently working it out whatever the hell that means. She has been cheating on the guy for the better part of there marriage. I guess I'm just lost, hurting, angry, mad at myself, feel like a fool, etc. etc. etc. I know I probably dogged a bullet. She clearly isn't a great person with morals or anything of that nature. But I bought into all of it. I cry everyday and I'm not sure if it's just cause of the loss, or I'm guilty for even being part of something so f-ing stupid. Just depressed, bottom line. I almost lost my job and this has taken a huge tool on me. Mind you the whole time she told me she wanted a life with me and a future. she told me if she didn't a have a child she would have left day one for me. Don't even know how to let go or move on. She just walked away and went silent on me. And just so I don't get slammed here, no I don't think it's ok to date, see, spend time with, a married woman. I didn't seek her out, I actually for two months told her no I won't even meet her. I should have stuck to that but I didn't. I guess cause I was lonely.
Author AndyW Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 Sadly this is the first person I have let in my heart and life since 2008 when my ex fiance left me. 5 months might not seem long but I gave all of myself with the belief that she was being honest with me. I feel broken and like a piece of trash.
Author AndyW Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 I'm so lost. I love her so much it hurts. It's so hard to love someone and not have them love you back the same way. I want to spend my life with her and she choose another man. I need to get away from LA and my life here. I'm going to quit my job and move away. I need to get away from all of this. I'm a mess. The hardest thing is my best friend is gone and that was her choice. I have to except she didn't want me. I have to try and figure out how to be okay again. I deserve someone that wants a life with me and wants to be with me. My ego is shattered. My heart is shattered. I'm a shell of what i was back in Feb. I gave all of myself to someone and they decided it wasn't good enough and that's hard pill to swallow. I love her so much. She made me laugh, smile, she made me feel like I was 16. I would get butterflies when I saw her. I saw her Sat. and he just re-confirmed what i already know. I love her. I don't really know where to go from here. Everyday I just pray and hope she will come back to me but that's no way to live. Excepting that someone doesn't want you is beyond painful. Yes, people haven't wanted me before but nobody that I wanted this badly. We were great together. Great! All I do is cry now. 35 year old gross ass man and all i do is cry. My employees ask me why I'm so sad all the time and i have to leave and go outside cause i start crying. It's awesome now. I see her Saturday. She acts like she cares. Than right back to silent. Like I'm a piece of garbage again. I don't understand at all. Than I'm right back calling and leaving messages like a mad man. All seeing her did was give me hope she wanted me back. It made me think she missed me and loved me and now I'm right back at square one. This is horrilbe. All these woman want to go out with me and all I think about is her. I'm going on a date tonight just to try and forget about how miserable and hurt I feel. UGH At the end of the day there is nothing I can do. She didn't choose me. I think she will be back. We love each other too much for us to be apart. There was something we had that isn't an everyday occurance. There was something I had with her that I have never had with another woman. I would have taken care of her and her son. I would have loved them and protected them. I would have loved her the way she wanted and deserved. There is nothing more I can do now. I don't know where I will be in the future. All I know is I believe in my heart that Gen and I belong together. I know she feels the same way and I guess that's why this is so sad. She is too scared to go for it. Nothing I can do. This will be my last post. I'm going dark. No more fb, social networking, no more anything. A month ago today the most beautiful woman in the world sat in my lap at my office and told me she wanted a life with me, a future with me, and only me. She told me there was no better guy in the world and that she didn't want to stay with her husband. We kissed, we cried, we hugged, we were in love. A month later she is gone. I'm destroyed and empty. I'm a shell of a man. I have cried everyday for a month. I love her and want her back. I want to spend my life with her. I hope one day I can come back here and write she came back to me. I hope one day she makes this right. Until that day I'm going away. She is the most amazing and wonderful woman I have ever meant. We are still in love.
olivec Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Man thats a preatty crappy deal. I know how you feel my last relationship was 6 months but it felt like longer how i felt about her. We broke up at the end of april and its been a struggle ever since, but believe it or not you will feel better in time and heal. Its not gunna be easy its a tough process but you cant let her have all this power over you because shes not given a damn about how you feel right now. If she did she be with you and realise your a great guy. Ultimately you gotta let her go and move on man as there is better out there trust me. Keep your head up bro.
Author AndyW Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Thanks for taking the time to write to me. I have never been this messed up over anyone in my life. I really thought she was the one. Going to be 36 in a month and I was convinced by her words and actions that I was it for her. I don't even know where to begin now. It's been a month and I'm still freaking devasted over her. I don't even feel like a man right now.
perpetual_illusion Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I thought I was the only one in a situation like this. My first love from high school looks me up, we exchange e-mails here and there. She says all the same crap about not being happy in her marriage, that it's over, that if she didn't have her daughter she would go anywhere with me. She's still married, but I didn't start dating her until she moved out. She told me I was the only one she wanted, the only one she ever really wanted. I fell for it and I fell for her, hard. Now she wont give me the time of day, we broke up over something stupid, and it's just over to her, rather than talk, it's leave me alone. I don't get it. Check out 1784's second post in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290568/b796b13b83a415125dea363c45c9360f it's full of wisdom. As I'm now realizing, for whatever reason her feelings changed or she was just lying to you or herself, but it's over, you're not what she wants, she doesn't deserve you. Like olivec said, keep your head up, go NC, move on with your life, there's someone better out there for you.
Author AndyW Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Been trying NC for a month. I'm failing miserable. Seeing her Saturday has sent me into a major tail spin. She called me Monday and i said i couldn't talk cause I was at work and she said she would call me later. Didn't hear a word from her. Remind of how little i actually mean to her and has destroyed me yet again. I could have never turned my back on her. I can't stop crying. I feel like a fool and not a man.
Sebastian76 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Hey Andy, I feel for you man! It's a ****ty deal you got there! Just remember one thing when you feel cast out and worthless. The one who did this to you was a very messed up individual! She literally had two boyfriends at the same time, lying non stop to both of you. Being treated like garbage by someone not normal should not get to you. Had she been the nicest girl in the world it would mean something else. You could be the nicest, coolest most awsome guy in the world, but to her you'd just be a pawn in her mindless game none the less. Nice, good and strong people are treated like crap too once in while. What you should deal with is your lousy judgement in women. Founding a relationship on cheating and lying is doomed if you ask me. The fact that she hadn't dumped him after one month should tell you all you need to know. Puzzling how it's the psycos who treated you like dirt who gets to you the worst.
Sebastian76 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) Oh and by the way, for you to start feeling like a man again I'll strongly advise you to start hard core NC straight away. Just see how a few tiny breadcrumbs from her sent you straight back to square one, crying and in total agony! Don't let her feed you any more breadcrumbs. From what I have heard about this woman so far, I'll bet she'll be a master at stringing along and if you're not strong she'll leave you in the mud for months on end. Start reading threads on this forum and you'll soon see how people are strung along, manipulated, used for ego boosts etc. Only way out is NC. Bite the bullet, just go total NC no matter how hard it is to begin with. I believe in you, be strong my friend! Best // Seb Edited August 4, 2011 by Sebastian76
olivec Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 sebastian is 100% right on with NC Andy. i know its tough but you gotta do it man. i had the same problem because my ex was still contacting me and like a dumb ass was still being sucked in and ofcourse i felt there was still hope for the relationship. I was wrong it was all in my head and I let my emotions control me and i wasnt thinking straight. Bottom line when you still contact your ex or respond to her you give her all the power and then its just a sick game shes playin on you.
Author AndyW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Going to try and start today. It hurts because her husband knows about me. She told him everything. He told her it was over a month ago and she begged him to take her back. She could of had me but she didn't want me. I have been dumped but that's different. In this case she lied to me for basically 2011. I have her name tatted down my side. I'm just a fool. I bought into everything she said. Every promise. I don't trust many people in this world to begin with but I let her in and I trusted her. I was convinced. Saturday all she said was that she didn't know how to leave. She said that she can't have everything she wants "meaning her son and me". I know I will be fine eventually. I don't know if I will be fine as far as relationships are concerned. I am doing NC starting today. I admit I left messages yesterday. I'm so confused but at the same time it's so simple. She didn't want me. She choose him. Really not that confusing. Just beyond hard. Sadly my love and feelings for her were real. When I told her I wanted a life with her I meant it. My words and actions were the same. This is going to take a long time to get over and wrap my head around this whole stiuation.
Author AndyW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Btw, thank you both of you. Seb and olivec. I appreciate you taking the time to write to me. It does make me feel better to hear advice.
single_again Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I can definetly feel where you are coming from. I am coming out of a 4 yr relationship and we have two children together and I have 2 from a prior relatnship. We were supposed to be married this month, but had so many issues that we could not overcome. I broke it off but it's still just as hard. I am trying to be strong....I am using prayer as my guide, so pray, pray, pray.
Author AndyW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Honestly, I'm a wreck. I do the best i can to get thru work and i usually starting crying while i walk to my car. I'm an idiot.
single_again Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 No u r not an idiot, you are a person with feelings. Its hard and it sounds like you don't have time to grieve. Luckily, I am not working right now, so I just mope around the house...Thinking about the crap all day....Thinking about all the good times....knowing that we broke up for all of the bad...It's okay...just get all of your anger, resentment, and everything out and go from there
Author AndyW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 That sad fact is we didn't break up, we didn't get into some big fight, she just choose someone else and left me behind. All the promises, everything she said to me, everything she said she was going to do, she did the exact opposite. I believed everything she said. I believed with all my heart that she was being honest and she wanted a life with me. I feel played, trick, lied too, like an idiot. Maybe in time I will have some clarity. But right now, today, i have zero clarity other than the fact she doesn't want me. And in the end I guess that's all i really need to know. She had a choice and it turned out not to be me. God does it hurt. It's not about my ego. I'm a pretty good guy, with a career, plenty of friends, with a great family, and woman actually want to date me. Yet, here I'am destroyed over one woman who simply doesn't want me. Just need some time I guess. My head feels like it's going to explode. I'm either sad and crying or angry and pissed. Those are my only two moods for some time now. I don't know how i lost myself in this. Back in Feb I was a totally different Man.
single_again Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 All of your feelings are totaly normal. You are obviously a good guy, and she will think about it when it's wayyyy to late. You are going to move on and b so over her...it may take a little while but it will happen! You can IM me whenever you feel like venting...I am jazzyjohnson2004 on yahoo.
Author AndyW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 Thank you. Sadly I know it's going to be too late by the time her train wreck of a marriage is over. Thanks for listening and for the IM.
olivec Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Andy its the weekend my friend do something fun thats what i'm doing. Gunna watch ufc with a few of my buds and have some drinks and wings. Thats the stuff you need to start doing to get yourself back on track and feeling good. Trust me brotha its helped me alot.
Author AndyW Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 I did go away this weekend. Hung out with some friends and some woman that have been interested in me for awhile. I admit, it's just not the same. When I was in my 20's it was much easier to bounce back. But I will be 36 in three weeks and I admit, I'm beyond depressed over this. I guess it will just take time. Had a really bad day yesterday. Hard not to think of her and what she is doing. Hard to realize she is gone and doesn't really care what I'm doing. Coming to terms with this and it hurts. I'm mentally and emotionally spent. This girl I know wants me to go with her to Punta Cana for a week in Sept, She has a wedding to go to there and she wants me to be her date. I'm thinking I need a vacation and it will be good for me to get away for a bit. She is aware of my stiuation so it's not like she is in the dark.
Author AndyW Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Forget all these posts. I will be fine. Just saw stuff I didn't need to see. Sadly I let one messed up person into my life. I'm not going to let one sick woman ruin me.
Author AndyW Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Going to get this f-ing tat covered today. Should have done that 4 weeks ago.
Author AndyW Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 I woke up today and for the first time in a month I feel good and relieved. I now know what kind of person I was dealing with. I saw her and her husband posting to each other on twitter and it hit me. I realize now I was just used and nothing more then a toy. I realize I got involved with a very selfish and messed up woman. Last Saturday she was telling me she loved me and this and that. She is a liar that I allowed to play both sides for 6 months. I was manipulated and I allowed it all to happen. But not anymore. I'm free from her and her games. I'm free from her lies. I got involved with a married woman and that's not right. I did cause I was lonely and I know she would not expect much. But I started to fall and I did and she led me right down that path. She was never going to leave for me. She was never going to be mine. The whole thing was when it fit into her schedule, her time, my feelings, hopes, dreams, etc. meant nothing to her. I'm looking for someone that is loyal, honest, caring, respectful, etc. and she is none of those things. Watching her husband call her honeycakes a month after I was having sex with her in every possible way is beyond strange to me. I'm glad I'm out of this position and I'm glad it's not my problem anymore. I'm free to find a woman who will love me right and I can start to forgive myself for my poor decision making and choice.
Author AndyW Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) The only thing I don't understand is how a husband allows his wife who just had a 6 month affair and also she has been cheating on him with multiple men over 7 years back into his house and bed. I can only assume she is manipulating him just like she did me and not being fully honest. Not my problem but disgusting. Edited August 9, 2011 by AndyW
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