dumpedandsore Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 in my previous threads, i wrote about how i was heartlessly dumped. in my 20 odd years of life, i have never had any encounter where a guy liked me and wooed me. I have to try to "find" love online and hoping can find a good man who really likes me and is serious about a r/s. I joined many social events , or what you called speed dating events. Over the few years attempt, i only get rejection, rejection, then taken for a ride and dumped without a blue and never to hear from the guy again. I am just sincerely and seriously looking for true love but i doubt i ever get it. Guys in social events would be interested in any other single girl but me. If i managed to have a 2nd date from the guy on the net, usually the guy is just bored and looking for plain clean company or just no-strings attached r/s. For those who became my bf, i realise they never liked/loved me..i wonder if they took me seriously. After some whirlwind "romance", they dumped me out of the blue and i never hear from them again. Before i know it, they are not the least affected and have moved on happily, looking for new love, as if im just an object,or i never exist.. dont have to feel bad over me or how i feel and they never missed me. while i look at ppl around me, some find love easily from workplace, school or even from the net. The guys that i knew earlier from the net choosed to hook up with other net girls they knew later, and im just the "hi-bye" friend, the girl they would never want to be with. i feel very helpless and deeply saddened about my recent break-up. for unknown reasons, im just unable to have a normal bgr, to have a guy who fights to be with me and truly loves and cares for me. all my short "r/s" unknowningly to me have become "practical deals" to the guys. Unhappy with me, they just throw me and walk out of me. I swear i never hear from them again. what should i do? this has been making me deeply upset for the past 7 years. if feel like giving up. maybe im destined to be single, lonely and unwanted for the rest of my life.
thelovingkind Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Describes my life exactly, and I'm twenty three, so don't be surprised if you've got a bit more time left on this wondrous carousel. The difference between you and me though is attitude, and this is only because it's something I've been working on really, really hard. I used to see every new guy who entered my life as the Big Hope, and then when sparks started flying he'd become the Big Love, and then when it all ended in the ways you describe he'd become the Big Disappointment. Rinse and repeat. Now I try to see things in a more fluid, optimistic and de-pressurised way. Beginning with my past, I try and look back and see, not a litany of failures, but a history of amazing times during which I got to meet a whole cast of interesting, different people - not just partners, but their friends and family - and do a variety of things I'd never have done if I had just one relationship. In the present I try to accept now that it's okay for people to come into my life and spend some time there, and then leave again if they choose, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean I failed at anything, or that I was played or used. I see meeting new people as an opportunity to learn new things about myself, about them, to try and better myself as a person - become a better conversationalist, for example. Most of all I try and just enjoy the moment, whether the moment lasts one date, or three, or three months or whatever. This doesn't mean I don't have any standards, and I just welcome anyone into my life and sleep with anyone who wants to sleep with me. I still exercise judgement in these areas as I'm sure you do. If anything I've actually become much more discerning with this new outlook. I'm not on a frantic hunt for an ends, I'm enjoying the means of life, which means I can do it all much more on my own terms.
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