The 26 year old guy at work says he has a crush on some other Indian chick.

[thehead]

I want to word this post carefully but honestly tempvisa, so you get something from it.

 

From a guy's perspective, your insecurity really takes away from your looks. I mean, it's really bad. It's so bad, I would never ask you out, though I personally prefer girls with dark hair and eyes. I just wouldn't be able to get past the lack of confidence and the neediness.

 

It's not just a matter of looking good, OP. We guys have to talk to you too.

 

We have to sit in the car on the way to dinner and the LAST thing we find entertaining is a bunch of bragging and listening to you cut down other girls.

We don't want to sense you need our validation to make yourself feel okay.

We don't want to hear you talk about how you're hotter than so-and-so.

Because as soon as you do that, you're suddenly not. It's an ugly trait to be conceited, OP. Even if it's false, it's still unattractive.

 

We don't like it when girls fish for compliments. We don't like it when you play games, the intent of which is to validate yourself or get us to say you're attractive.

We don't like a personality so erratic and spastic, it's impossible to hold a conversation.

 

And aren't these all the problems you said you were having? Keeping guys interested? Lots of first dates kind of thing but no takers? Honestly, I can see why just from the last few days you've been here.

 

The question is, do you want to work on any of it? Because so far, it just seems like you're using the site like it's Hot or Not. And the pattern of looking for external validation continues. It's sad to see TBH.

[rafallus]

You're the funniest troll I've ever seen here.

 

See? That's sth good about you not just about your looks

 

Because your looks actually repulse me, but that doesn't matter, since you're funny.

Edited July 29, 2011 by rafallus

[ilikesunita]

btw, Pierre! You are sooo right about my mom being beautiful! look at her...

 

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/166560_492932249726_516764726_5755776_491592_n.jpg

 

She is such a freakin confident woman. She has a birthmark on her face, the shape of India, and quite large, covers a big part of her face...She still thinks she is beautiful. She has 12 toes--she doesn't make an issue out of it. All her life, people have thought she is beautiful and smart--and those who didn't, didn't matter to her.

 

She is so successful here--In that photo she graduated from her CMA program. She is a brilliant, hard-working, loving, confident woman..

 

I hate how I'm not even 1/5th of her.

 

Did you ask her permission prior to posting that? She looks elegant in that photo.

 

But I don't get your agenda in this thread:

 

- You say you're hot, and I agree you're pretty. but then you say how much you dislike yourself

 

- You sway between self-confidence career/academically, but then poor self-confidence in other areas of your life

 

Have you considered seeking therapy?

[temporaryvisa]

Aw, you guys....

 

 

Give me another chance

[ilikesunita]

It's just you're appearing to me very contradictory.

[temporaryvisa]

Um, she was probably prettier than me, she has more regular features.

[Forever Learning]

I want to word this post carefully but honestly tempvisa, so you get something from it.

 

From a guy's perspective, your insecurity really takes away from your looks. I mean, it's really bad. It's so bad, I would never ask you out, though I personally prefer girls with dark hair and eyes. I just wouldn't be able to get past the lack of confidence and the neediness.

 

It's not just a matter of looking good, OP. We guys have to talk to you too.

 

We have to sit in the car on the way to dinner and the LAST thing we find entertaining is a bunch of bragging and listening to you cut down other girls.

We don't want to sense you need our validation to make yourself feel okay.

We don't want to hear you talk about how you're hotter than so-and-so.

Because as soon as you do that, you're suddenly not. It's an ugly trait to be conceited, OP. Even if it's false, it's still unattractive.

 

We don't like it when girls fish for compliments. We don't like it when you play games, the intent of which is to validate yourself or get us to say you're attractive.

We don't like a personality so erratic and spastic, it's impossible to hold a conversation.

 

And aren't these all the problems you said you were having? Keeping guys interested? Lots of first dates kind of thing but no takers? Honestly, I can see why just from the last few days you've been here.

 

The question is, do you want to work on any of it? Because so far, it just seems like you're using the site like it's Hot or Not. And the pattern of looking for external validation continues. It's sad to see TBH.

 

 

This is some of the best advice you will ever get. Please print this out and read it every day for a while. Making changes within oneself and developing a calm, poised, positive confidence and cultivating one's self esteem is a process and a journey. It doesn't happen overnight. Please take to heart this insight given by The Head, it was given to you as a gift and I hope that you will treasure it and take it to heart. I only wish I had received such wonderful insight at your age! I was much the same way as you. Western society can stoke the fires of our insecurities as females (television, magazine covers, everything) and it is up to you to overcome the stereotype of beauty nonsense and find happiness and peace in your own right in your life. Good luck, you can do it!

[Untouchable_Fire]

I do think I am very pretty! I also notice, very pretty girls usually think I am very pretty too I try not to let comments bother me, but they do. Im learnin quick though.

i know I am NOT everyones cup of tea, but its difficult because I am used to being told I am gorgeous. Wait, am I gonna get flamed for saying that...haha. the problem is me. I get compliments on the daily but i only concentrate on the nay-sayers. people can say im cute til the cows come home and die, but i will remember the one chick who said i was fugly or something. its a ****ty problem because it relies on others. i was just looking at myself in the mirror and dancing to this song, pretty girl rock and i felt like i looked gorgeous, my naked body and my hair and face. but now this comment has got me down

 

Because you put so much emphasis on being pretty, your self confidence is ruled by other people.

 

Part of this is a phase you are going through. You are trying to learn how to define yourself in relation to those around you.

 

I'm telling you now. Learn to place the "pretty" factor farther down the list or you will suffer the consequences when you have to do it later in life.

 

I believe that I learned to do this naturally, because as a boy I competed in everything. Maybe I wasn't the fastest runner, but I was the best at throwing. I learned to balance myself.

 

I've had women tell me I'm the best looking man alive... and others tell me I'm the ugliest jerk they have ever met. Both statements mean nothing to me.

[ilikesunita]

Um, she was probably prettier than me, she has more regular features.

 

Quit the broken record. You don't seem to be taking on anybody's advice, and by expressing self-doubt you dig a greater hole for yourself.

[Rinas]

Looks can only last us so long, I take pride in being happy with myself, accepting my flaws and growing as a person, opposed to just my appearance.

[Feelin Frisky]

temporary visa, don't let any of these cynical snot noses bother you. I don't care if you are spoiled and want to fish for compliments. You deliver the goods and your family is handsome too. You rode through my dreams on an elephant last night wearing a colorful sari and lots of gold around your lovely neck and threw me a glance over your shoulder though your wavy and glistening black hair that melted me into a pool of quivering lady worship. You go, girl.

[ilikesunita]

temporary visa, don't let any of these cynical snot noses bother you. I don't care if you are spoiled and want to fish for compliments. You deliver the goods and your family is handsome too. You rode through my dreams on an elephant last night wearing a colorful sari and lots of gold around your lovely neck and threw me a glance over your shoulder though your wavy and glistening black hair that melted me into a pool of quivering lady worship. You go, girl.

 

she is having us on. No person who boasts about academia and having a good job on one hand cannot be so down on confidence on the other.

[Hot Chick]

Erks.

 

Never said he said she was prettier.

 

Btw- she is a model... You should see me when I do modelling.

 

If I had my own makeup crew, fitness team and fashion experts, I'd look hot too.

 

Stop hatin!

thanks for posting this photo. She is the opposite of a penis nose, which temporary visa has. The blond has a delicate nose without the nostrils protuding at the end with round following to look like the head of a penis.

Not saying a penis nose is a bad thing, but you do have the classic penis nose.

[missimsla]

thanks for posting this photo. She is the opposite of a penis nose, which temporary visa has. The blond has a delicate nose without the nostrils protuding at the end with round following to look like the head of a penis.

Not saying a penis nose is a bad thing, but you do have the classic penis nose.

 

I had to google "penis nose" after you posted it here, hahahaha, epic observation, LOL.

 

The OP's issues have nothing to do with her beauty or the lack of it, it's much deeper, and it's perhaps the easiest thing to change, she might or might not get a nose job done to change the shape of her nose(which isn't at all necessary), but she doesn't even have to get any surgery done to change her attitude(which is absolutely necessary going by her posts).

 

P.S.: I really don't think Temporary Visa has a penis nose however, it's just a little flatter that's it, which isn't a bad thing, I know a ton of people that prefer a flatter nose to a sharper and more delicate one, just saying.

Edited August 4, 2011 by missimsla