wabon11 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Here is a link to my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t287970/ Some new things have happened since then and I thought I should update everything in a timeline. - Dated for 18 months, everything was great, I really thought I would wind up marrying this woman. - Got in an argument in which I said a couple of things I shouldn't have. We had been out drinking and I was getting frustrated by our disagreement and I basically swore at her in a pretty disrespectful manner a couple of times. This led to her breaking up with me. We very rarely got into any big arguments (this was maybe #3 at most in 18 months). - A couple of days later, I sent her an email apologizing and stating how badly I felt that I had hurt her. I didn't ask for her back or anything along those lines; I was genuinely upset with myself for hurting her and wanted to express that. She replied by stating that she felt like she had lost her best friend, but did not want to be with someone who talked to her that way. - Over the next 3 months, she texted me twice. Once was a drunk goofy/friendly text, which I found pretty inappropriate, as she hadn't had the courtesy to talk about our fight, but thought it was ok to send this drunk text. For the record, she isn't one to get "overly" drunk very often; I don't want to make it seem like she's always drinking, etc. The second text was a happy birthday wish about two months after the breakup. Other than that, I never received any contact from her. - During these 3 months, I did a lot of fun things; I traveled a lot, spent a lot of time with my friends, went on some dates, etc. Basically, I tried to not allow her to occupy my thoughts too much. - After 3 months of being apart, we finally had our first run-in. I was out with a bunch of friends on a Saturday night and she was with a female friend. I went up to them and said hi, asked how they were, told them what my friends and I had been up to that night, wished them well, and said I had to get back to my friends (I didn't want to outstay my welcome and make things awkward). I was very friendly and played it cool, surprising myself a bit, as I wasn't sure how I'd handle seeing her for the first time. I felt in control for the first time in a while, regarding "us." - In the week following our encounter, I received texts from her on three separate days. The first two, she asked about someone close to me (and to her while we were going out) who had just had surgery. She had heard from someone else, I guess, and while I wasn't expecting to hear from her on this matter, it wasn't overly surprising because it was a serious issue that I was going through. The third text, however, was very odd. It came a couple of days after those texts and was a pretty random "hello" kind of text. Keep in mind, she hadn't initiated any meaningful contact with me for three months. So the question is: what is she doing? Did seeing me the other night trigger some sort of "I miss him" response and she is now trying to establish some level of communication with me? Is it something else entirely? Do I continue not initiating contact with her and see where she's going with these texts? Or do I strike while the iron is hot, as she has opened this door for me to make contact with her? She is the best person I have ever been with, on every level, and I have been hoping to see if a second chance is in the cards for us (even well before we bumped into each other.) But I want to play it right and not push her away, etc.
wilsonx Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I read your story that you posted and I find the breakup kind of fishy. If you weren't normally like that and one night you cussed at her after 18 months, thats not something to breakup with someone for. If my ex did wrong, I would put her in her place with assertiveness and not once had she ever had anything to say about it. It honestly looks like she was just looking for a reason to break up with you and she gave you a nice gaslighting. There's honestly no reason to break NC. She hasnt said anything to suggest a reconciliation. If she ever does, you will know as she will let you know thats shes sorry for what happened and wants to try again.
Author wabon11 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 Thanks for the advice to both of you. I agree with Wilsonx that the breakup seems fishy, given the details I provided. However, I have been thinking the same thing myself. I have a couple of theories that I have sort of "forced" so that I have another explanation, but other than that fight, I do not know of any concrete reason for the breakup. I think I will continue to do my own thing and have her chase me, if she chooses. As much as I want to be with her, I cannot be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. The only way to even remotely get to that point would be to have her come after me, not the other way around. I'm just curious why she has started contacting me several times after recently seeing her, given the fact that I hadn't really heard from her in months. From my perspective, she either needs to stop the contact or ask to meet up and talk. Anything in between those two extremes will only force me to think about her when I'm trying to move on. For the record, I suppose I broke NC because I did reply to her text about the surgery. I couldn't ignore that, as someone very close to me had just had surgery and she was asking how things went. But I made no mention of anything other than the surgery and have not initiated contact with her in a long time now.
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