KennyD Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) Hey guys...well I broke NC again....so stupid of me. The season Premiere of AMC'S "Breaking Bad" was coming on, so I figured I would tell my ex (we used to watch it all the time) about it. I figured it had been about 3 months of no contact (if you have seen my previous posts...you would understand) and maybe my feelings would die down. Well, we began texting again....she came over real quick to see my dog...and my feelings came back after a week or so. But, fate had something for me. I was working near the store she works at (I used to work there too, I quit to get away)...and I happened to see her and the "baby daddy" in the parking lot switching cars and their kid..then it hit me-- She lied again. Previously from our NC, she had told me the "time wasn't right, her mind is on getting him to leave, money, and her son" and that "we set a date and if he doesnt move out in april 30th my dad is coming over and kicking him out".. It's bad enough I see both of them when I am around town. At first I thought, hey maybe they are just using another car...until my friend came out and said "Yeah man, that's just a train wreck how many times they break up and get back together....you did the right thing to quit and get out of that situation. She will never learn, she comes in crying and we all know why" What were the odds of me being there at precisely that time? Fate my friends...fate. It wanted to show me to stop caring, stop believing the lies, and see how things really are. And thank you for that! Time to let the destructive one, self-destruct. Yeah....I believed it when she told me what she was working on. I wanted to believe she would tell me the truth (The guy beats her, treats her bad, etc...she left me for him then came back to me, and now I suppose is playing house with him again.) My feelings are still there....and it is now apparent that she has moved on. I am old news...we can't be friends. And me and the "other guy" will never be on the same page (He thinks I'm the one who did all this....when in reality I never knew they were still dating back in November or so, I only went off what I was being told by her. Had I known, I would have backed off, and never bothered again. But, and she even admits-- "she loved the attention because he never gives it to me"....god what was I thinking.... I keep making these mistakes, I keep thinking maybe if I give her more time she will come back and we can pick up where we left off-- I am living in a fantasy land!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MORE. At least now I realize, she is full of crap, and the games have been played-- and continue to be played-- I just won't be the poor sap...there are others she can manipulate. I wish I could sit here and tell you guys "I really want her to be happy", but personally I don't. I forgive MYSELF (because that's all I can do, I came in with good intentions), but she will remain unforgiven....I think I've forgiven her enough (Which led me to re-establish contact, only to be set up again and again...) I believe everybody "gets theirs" and what "goes around comes around". The tangled web you have weaved, I hope one day bites you in the behind....why lie so many times? Why couldn't you just have been honest with me. Do you think you were sparing me the pain? Its more painful to see it all unfold and believe you were honest and wanted to get your life together-- But you will just continue to be (and I quote) "Miserable and unhappy as long as my baby (kid) is spoiled" And all I have to say to this is....GOOD LUCK. If you had lied to me this many times, I can only imagine what you have told your kid's father. I will not think of you anymore, you have proved to me that you don't care about me at all. How dare you say you are "in love" with me, "want to be with me"....shame on me for believing you again. (This ones on ME everybody, ON ME) As the Bon Jovi song goes.. "I played my part, and you played your games, you give love a bad name" I will take your advice, "You are too good for me, I don't deserve you"-- You got that right. I wish I could say I hope you have a great life, but I know that's not how I feel-- I DID FEEL THAT WAY, until you proved to me once and for all (and to everybody else who is my friend who has seen me go through this **** for the last year)....you are a terrible person and I do not ever want to see you again. And I will make it my goal, to never pick up that stupid phone, never step foot in that supermarket you work in, and everytime I think of you-- I will slap myself and just remember how many lies you told me (Like telling my roommate/best friend you had "feelings for him" and trying to make out with him-- as you were talking to me, and that dude you call Mike who "loves you". ) To think I actually pitied you (since you claimed you were getting abused), you told me your whole story when we first met...and I wanted to show you that ISN'T how it has to be-- a guy like me would GO for a girl like you. I loved you for everything you were....but the person I know now is not the person I fell in love with. The real person came out...and the ONLY person who had good intentions...is the one who got hurt the worst. Your "depression" led ME to become depressed in the process...never again will I go this particular path....damaged goods guys. Chalk that up as "Never date someone who has a kid and lives with the father"-- Lesson learned (lol) I have to just put these "feelings" in a jar, and bury them deep within the 7 Levels of Hell...never to be released again. Thank you LoveShack for letting me post this-- many of you have helped me through this period-- I now see her for what she really is-- A miserable, selfish compulsive liar....and that is NOT someone I want to be around. What a shame it took me over a year to finally ACCEPT IT. Edited July 26, 2011 by KennyD
Recommended Posts