Freaking out, He is a mommy's boy.

[youngskywalker]

I know first hand how this can pan out. My brothers wife was a total B**** to my family. She's gotten better but I'll still never really like her for the way she treated my family.

 

You're smart in seeing this early on because it can pose a lot of problems in the future. I really wish the push-pull between families was non-existent but it's just reality. You need to decide if your situation is a deal-breaker or not. If you go in blindly (which you're not) it will cause a lot of frustration down the road.

[ScreamingTrees]

To me, a mama's boy is a man who never got to the adult, independent man stage, but maintains an unhealthy degree of boyish closeness and codependence with his mom. He will always defer to her authority, even at the expense of his own well-being and that of his woman.

 

My sister's boyfriend was like that.. he was a great guy and all, but it wasn't made to last. It's a shame that some guys never grow up to be their own person..

[D-Lish]

My sister's boyfriend was like that.. he was a great guy and all, but it wasn't made to last. It's a shame that some guys never grow up to be their own person..

 

it's more of a shame that any mom would screw her child up like this, and have no insight (or even worse) a care, that they have this kind of profound effect that is going to screw him up for the rest of his life...

[elizabeth26]

So you didn't see fit to add that mama does in fact do housework for son until after I prompted it? Credibility through the basement floor. You still haven't made anything near a good case for your BF being a mama's boy. I think he's better off without you if your feelings for him are so flimsy that a few jabs from his mother have you going on the internet calling him a "mama's boy" unjustly. Good riddance for him, you sound awfully high maintenance.

Haha! I go on here to get advice from sane people who may be in the same situation, if you have a question or you think I'm making a poor decision say so in a way that you EXPLAIN YOUR LOGIC!!!! NOT just insult, if you can't I can just ignore you but maybe you don't know how abrasive you are being. If not, fine, deal with your own issues. Dasein. That is why you are here right?

[elizabeth26]

it's more of a shame that any mom would screw her child up like this, and have no insight (or even worse) a care, that they have this kind of profound effect that is going to screw him up for the rest of his life...

That is what is most sad. I feel like slapping her across the face when she pulls her guilt cards. We broke up yesterday, he has other issues also. I let him use my computer and when I clicked my facebook link, it showed I had a message, well it wasn't on my profile, it was on his and the message was from a girl he had recently friended, he was chatting with her and told her he 'would date her if he was single' and he was 'bored right now', I feel like **** but I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. I really know how to pick them. I'm thinking I need to be single for a good long while and figure out what I want out of life before I start dating, I don't want to keep feeling like **** and just not good enough. So far I've been in a long relationship and loved the guy but had life goal differences and he cheated, then dumped me for the girl, now I had a pretty good relationship with a sweet loving guy who in unhealthily close with his family and hasn't grown up enough emotionally.

[elizabeth26]

I know first hand how this can pan out. My brothers wife was a total B**** to my family. She's gotten better but I'll still never really like her for the way she treated my family.

 

You're smart in seeing this early on because it can pose a lot of problems in the future. I really wish the push-pull between families was non-existent but it's just reality. You need to decide if your situation is a deal-breaker or not. If you go in blindly (which you're not) it will cause a lot of frustration down the road.

That is very true! There will always be a push/pull what with events and holidays, but what is most important is the love and respect. His family is very loving but they do unhealthy things. His Mother is definitely the worst offender and it's been tough. I went into this relationship knowing they were a tight knit family and decided I would try my hardest not to do anything to cause tension between them. I think the best way to overcome your negative feelings is to think in different people's perspectives, objectively, before coming to conclusions. Noone is ever all good or all bad, but a mix of things. I try to make calm rational decisions about these touchy matters, but talking about it is vital. I'm sorry is she was bad to you guys, maybe you could think about her life situation and the family she came from and come away with a better understanding of her, when you can you will be better able to deal with your own, when your time comes.

[iJester]

Dasein, how is this guy not a mommas boy? The guy lives NEXT DOOR to her. She's clearly needy and controlling and if he can't ask that she respect his relationship and his partner, then yes, he is indeed a mommas boy.

 

Elizabeth, just cut this loser off. You've already lost respect for him and you probably won't get it back. Tell him if he can get her to butt out of your relationship then you'd be willing to reconcile, but until then you'd like no further contact from him. I think you should even say the actual words, "I'm leaving you because you're a momma's boy."

Edited August 4, 2011 by iJester

[elizabeth26]

These women are oblivious, that's the problem.

My exH has chronic migraines and a an ulcer- but he was never able to put 2+2 together.

 

My ex also cried at the drop of a hat- he cried more than any woman I've ever known.

 

It's sad really, he was a nice guy. I think his current wife has been able to handle things better than I was. She actually is overweight, and my ex said that the one time my exMIL said something- she went to town on her.

 

I never did- and I should have. I don't normally allow people to treat me in the manner that she did. I just always thought it was HIS responsibility to stand up for me- and I felt like I waited 8-9 years for him to do it. In the back of my mind I always had this glimmer of hope that he was going to come through for me. Never happened. That's why I lost respect for him.

I thought it was more his place to say something also. I never felt right saying anything to correct his Mother's comments, until she crossed the line, but when I think about it, I really didn't stand up for myself. I said "that's what a good WIFE would do" and walked away from her. I thought I would cause trouble if I acted any differently. I hate this and I feel like ****. When I talked to him I saw the mommy look in his eyes he looked just sad that it had been brought up. I'm not with him now but I still feel bad for him. She is not happy with herself and her life and she is making her own little husbands out of her sons. She started calling him 'Baby Nick' around me. What is bad is she forces her sons to compete for her attention, she commented on Facebook about how her sons were going to take care of her when she got older and how she would live with them. Her other son's girlfriend is on to the ruse, she posted, "don't worry we'll get you a nice nursing home". The other son and his girlfriend have dated on and off for 6 years and I know that Mommy has played a big role in their relationship, She knows how to handle her though, I was at a loss.

[elizabeth26]

I have so many doozies myself that I could write a book- maybe we could collaborate!

 

If the OP is getting the vibe that her bf has these kinds of family issues- she should be trusting her instinct.

 

I was blindsided- because I'd never met anyone quite like her. We used to call her "the butterfly with teeth". Because she would present as such a sweet little thing (A kindergarten teacher)- but she had such a bite to her that scared the hell out of everyone:cool:

 

I felt bad for my ex-H- because he wanted to get away from it, but he couldn't muster the courage to tell her how he felt.

 

He had (has) such a high powered consulting job- and his mother will still phone him at work 6 times a day. Often crying and questioning why he didn't call or visit more.

 

It's good, his new wife refuses to deal with her- and because they have kids together, she can use the kids as leverage to counteract his mothers neediness.

 

The last time I talked to my ex, he said he had his parents to visit in Ohio and at one point they realized she had disappeared- they found her in his basement lying on the carpet in tears accusing him of abandoning her.

Honestly- we can't make this kind of stuff up! lol.

 

No matter what- if you meet a man and get a vibe that he has an unhealthy attachment to his mother (or vise-versa), you're in for trouble.

I guess I'm lucky, she really doesn't have a temper well, that I've seen. That could be because they really do cater to her, she is morbidely obese and has many health issues. She has something I can't remember what it's called. It's not life threatening, I think it causes her pain in her joints. They all try really hard to make sure she feels included, they really are sweet. I just hate that she guilts them by crying ALOT. Anything that hurts her feelings or offends her she cries about. She doesn't do any activity and she eats so much junk, which is a family trait. I love him, I'm alot different than him and his family. I am NOT perfect, I have tried damn hard to be more open and honest, two of my biggest downfalls. I am human I am not perfect, but I deserve to have a happy healthy, loving relationship.

[elizabeth26]

DL - from what I read I don’t know if I would necessarily describe your guy as a mommys boy. What dasein described earlier is much closer to the stereotype imo. To me it was the other way around, the mother had the unhealthy attachment. She’s phoning him a dozen times a day not the other way around like a mommys boy would tend to. You inherited the mother in law from hell + a bunch of dysfunctional in-laws to boot. It sounds like your ex tried to keep both sides happy, but not enough your side to result in a happy marriage.

It would be difficult for a guy to denounce his mother especially a manipulative/very critical/very devoted one that raised him for the first 20+ yrs of his life, where the guy doesn’t know any different. You would need to be extremely tolerant and/or submissive to put up with a MIL like that. A strong father influence would prevent this I'm sure.

 

I don’t blame women for passing on any guy that has an unhealthy relationship with his mother who also intrudes into the relationship and likely more so for the marriage. Likewise, I would not blame a women for walking out on her bf if he always stays silent while his mother denigrates her. In this case though with this example, just because a mother has a strong opinion on the role a prospective wife should have in her son’s life and the son does not side with the gf on ‘A good woman takes care of her husband and cleans his house’ does not mean this guy is ‘hanging on to her apron strings’. I’m not saying it is not an issue for how a woman evaluates him but its not the same as staying silent while say the mother continues to say’ she looks like a tramp with that tattoo’ or ‘your place is a mess she is useless’ or ‘she's selfish going for that promotion she wont have time to take proper care of my son’

 

As for mommy’s boy being the product of single mother up-brining..in theory I would think that would be a strong factor, though the few guys I know that have mothers with a very strong influence on their life, came from conventional families...the only trend is they are non anglo.

I understand what you are saying, it's fine that a mother has opinions about what's best for her son. She knows him best, she saw him grow up. What kills me is she wont let him grow up, she always is doing things and cleaning up after him. I did what was best for my sanity and told him how I felt. I did my part and I don't feel like he came through for me. Dealbreaker. Maybe I'm a jerk, maybe I'm screwing it up. I don't want to go on to resent him and if I stayed I would have.

[elizabeth26]

I think the very fact that he could never say "no" to anything she asked out of "fear of disappointing her" made him a mamma's boy. Not to mention that it was often at MY expense. I played second fiddle constantly.

 

The OP may just be dealing with an annoying mother, they might be younger, and it may not be the same kind of dynamic- but my ex was certainly a mamma's boy in the truest sense of the definition. I blame HER all the way. I was just a casualty of that dynamic.

I was dealing with an annoying mother I will never know how far she would go with me. She did and said things to interfere with her other children, she needs her own life. She married young and had kids right away and never got to experience the world. I know she is very different from me and I understand why she acts the way she does, but she is her own prisoner and she tries to smother her children when she's unhappy. It will never be HER fault. I miss one family function, and she posts pictures on Facebook with out me and mentions that I was not there to be in the picture. I don't know what marrying him would bring but I don't like the treatment it's very manipulative and He thinks it's normal. To me, you must respect others and earn their respect, it's not something transactional. What I have experienced with her one on one cemented what I had suspected. Maybe she's not violent but she is making herself way too available and telling me what I need to do. Because he just marches along I call HIM a Momma's boy. Either way I guess it is just one more lesson in love. Yes, I am young, yes, I am inexperienced, but isn't everyone in a new relationship? I come here for a sounding board, people who don't know me and will take my blog and tell me what they see/think/have experienced. I think it can be eye-opening at times and cathartic too.

[D-Lish]

I was dealing with an annoying mother I will never know how far she would go with me. She did and said things to interfere with her other children, she needs her own life. She married young and had kids right away and never got to experience the world. I know she is very different from me and I understand why she acts the way she does, but she is her own prisoner and she tries to smother her children when she's unhappy. It will never be HER fault. I miss one family function, and she posts pictures on Facebook with out me and mentions that I was not there to be in the picture. I don't know what marrying him would bring but I don't like the treatment it's very manipulative and He thinks it's normal. To me, you must respect others and earn their respect, it's not something transactional. What I have experienced with her one on one cemented what I had suspected. Maybe she's not violent but she is making herself way too available and telling me what I need to do. Because he just marches along I call HIM a Momma's boy. Either way I guess it is just one more lesson in love. Yes, I am young, yes, I am inexperienced, but isn't everyone in a new relationship? I come here for a sounding board, people who don't know me and will take my blog and tell me what they see/think/have experienced. I think it can be eye-opening at times and cathartic too.

 

If you had those feelings about her, you were most likely bang on with your instincts.

 

I knew from 20 minutes of meeting her that she had problems. She kept bringing up my H's ex gf in front of me- then had the audacity to bring out picture albums of the two of them together... lol.

 

I lost so much respect for exH that he didn't/couldn't stand up for me.

 

Your ex doesn't know any better- because he doesn't have another mother to compare her to! It's sad, but for him, his mother is just like every other mother in his eyes.

[Curious-One]

I have the best mom ever and i would definitely consider myself momas boy lol. I care about her alot and love spending my time w her. I wanthave to geta rich soyou that myi mom doesntis have toto work, i evenam plan onon letting hera live win meand once ia get married. Having said that my mom is awesome and is happy w whoever i cbose to be in relationship with. She treats my so's w same respect she treats me. My mom gets along w everyone, just like i do. She has helped me so much in my life its unexplainable and i will never forget it.

 

Honestly if any girl cant get along w my mom then i will not date her because there is something definitely wrong w her. That has yet to happen and i doubt it will though.

[sleepykitten]

Have just read the rest of this thread, lots since i last posted, its good to read as I really didnt have any experience with dating a mummys boy at all and didnt realise just what a negative effect it has, especially on him. He truely seems stunted in his development, to the extent he cant make any decsisions at all and seems totally overwhelmed by life choices content to just work and go out with his friends. He even used to put on a "little bot lost" voice when i asked him stuff. Not attractive. I know he doesnt have a clue he has any issues, thinks he is in "VERY LUCKY" SITUATION TO STILL BE LIVING AT HOME AGE 36-not shouting caps were on!! He could afford to move out. He thinks there is nothing wrong at all with his mum stripping washing ironing and making his bed. I just think its odd as i have just never encountered this before, everyone else i have dated has been very self sufficiant. I am all for someone having a close relationship with their mum and loving them and being good to them but the constant talking and praising of her, even knowing about her menopause symptoms is a bit much. He also always has had a thing for older woman, when he was 24 he dated a 36 yr old, and before me, i'm 38, he had a thing with a 50 yr old-well he shagged her a few times. Nice. I am so relieved to have dodged this bullit, why was i even upset!!

[hot damn]

Because I date middle-aged men, most of their parents are dead. Lucky me!

 

haha my sentiments exactly up until 5 years ago!

[hot damn]

Reading all these accounts throughout the net has really helped me see a situation for what it was.

 

My issue is not focused on the mommy, though i understand her needy twisted behavior has enabled her menchildren, but issues with the son himself, which i cannot overcome, despite blocking them out in the beginning as i was smitten. He was completely different to me, not what i would usually find attractive or anybody else for that matter, though there was something about him that i couldn't get enough of, charming, intelligent, very sweet and attentive and a great lover with whom i completely connected. The good was REALLY good.

 

I fell head over heels (reciprocated) for a guy (manchild?) who still lives at home age 32 (as in has never left).

 

Many reasons for this- education, father leaving (20 years ago), poverty. insisted he was helping her out- yet the evidence proves otherwise (house in disarray, and paying her pocket money does not cover his board, if anything he is leeching off of her, with his brothers, and what she gets in return is a 'husband substitute' (yes i truly believe this is what happened in her mind after her husband left).

 

I really felt like i connected with this guy in a way i never thought possible. Maybe because i also have major issues of my own, many of them being social and confidence-related, and like attracts like (though I have always been fiercely independent in supporting myself, and hold myself solely responsible for my own destiny, which is certainly not the case for him, though, deluded, he sadly thinks he is).

 

The things that put me off- besides can't cook, do laundry properly:

 

Manipulative- probably from the beginning, in that way he's a lot smarter than me.

 

Naive- like a child- about everything. Add to that lack of experience and emotionally immature.

 

Jealous- he could not accept that he was not my first love/r. To the point of making me feel bad that I have been with a handful of men at my ripe old age of 30.

 

Unrealistic- fantasizing about 'big boys' things like marriage, houses, dream jobs and what a relationship entails- and how he was going to achieve those goals- completely detached from reality.

 

Sulking- make that passive-aggressive- when he was met with resistance, when he didn't get the answer/what he wanted.

 

Needy- to the point of smothering me- and expecting that back in an equal amount. getting mad and playing payback mind games if i didn't reply to his texts after a few hours- regardless of what i was busy with.

 

Huge undeserved ego- and couldn't handle observations- and saw me as treating him like **** when i questioned him (lifestyle, dependent on mum, lack of drive, and snail-paced progress)- due to mommy telling him the sun shines out of his ass.

 

No sense of who he really was- he thinks he's an entrepreneur because he's educated but holds down a part time job in a nightclub and spends the rest of his time running errands with mum and larking about like a teenager.

 

And then- terrible sense of style- make that no style- really really bad clothes- maybe mom bought them- that didn't fit him and did him absolutely no favors. Said he always wanted to but never had time to dabble in fashion. ??? Says this about everything. Carried himself really badly. I am no snob but damn! He dressed like a SLOB.

 

From 6 to 32 with nothing inbetween- the things he hasn't done in life- things that i regard as normal, stuff i did and liked when i was 12 years old, things that teens do, people in their twenties- he is now discovering. I wonder if he has lived literally shielded under mum's wing with eyes and ears closed. not that i have done so much, but there's something off-putting to me about somebody who has never traveled, dresses like a lorry driver (no offence! just think of the cliche), and likes music that is aimed at 12 year old kids. I feel that even I am cultured in comparison! And he is so green. I'd just feel like his mom showing him "Look Steve, this is LIFE!" and "Come on Steve, pick your feet up, we're going to be late!"

 

And he too would do the 'little boy lost" voice, and talk in a little kid singsong you know like how bratkids gloat "MY mum bought ME an ICECREAM from BEN and JERRYS!" And flutter his eyelashes and flash his big brown eyes. Like a chick or something! That obviously worked when he was a kid. Quite disturbing behavior from A MAN.

 

------------------

 

Makes excuses for everything- to justify his decision to never leave, and possibly to prolong staying, self-deception. Big ideas, big talk- but I just don't see any of it happening IN REALITY. He tells me to give him a chance, that my lack of trust is what will ruin us, and that old diamond "Nobody will ever love you the way i can", but by the time he does get it together if ever- i will probably be in 'Depends' by then.

 

Mommy has already displayed passive-aggressive 'other woman' behavior by not answering his calls when he is with me, making silly excuses for it, displayed jealousy that she is not getting the attention she was before me, and when he speaks of moving out, makes remarks like 'I hope i'm still alive by then'- though by this she may have a valid point!

 

It felt like i was 7 dating in the playground. but at the same time, it feels right with him, despite ALL this stuff, which can ALL be attributed to the fact that he lives with Mommy all his life and is shirking responsibility, and well, life. But i quit it because i find it hard to respect him, and to be honest, if you want to change a lot about a potential partner, then, you should spare them of that treatment, and move on. And that whole mother/son bond accounts I am reading about, it's not something I wanna get involved in. I had always been attracted to older men who were grounded.

 

One thing i read that struck a chord, these men like the home comforts of momma, but to feed their ego, also wanna feel like they're a man and can do all the things that big boys can do- hence dating, away from the family home (if not in hotels then it will be YOUR PLACE, his 2nd momma).

 

He claims I'm a b**** for seeing it the way I do- and maybe I am. Guess the point is, you can't help who you fall for but damn, keep your eyes open and listen to your head too! And all your friends who are saying "WTF?!"

 

Well that was so long that most of you probably skipped it, but hella cathartic

[Ruby Slippers]

Well that was so long that most of you probably skipped it, but hella cathartic

I read it, and I sympathize! I identified with a lot of what you wrote. Especially the manipulation part. It took me way too long to figure out what an excellent manipulator this guy was. He learned from the best.

 

I think that in 99% of cases, these guys are beyond help. It's sad, but not our fault and not our problem.

 

And I'm so glad we have places like this to talk about this. When I met this guy, I had no idea how awful the situation was going to get -- but all the warning signs were there. If I'd read even just this thread before I met him, I would have known to stay far, far away from anything romantic with him, and saved myself a helluva lot of drama, pain, and wasted time.

[D-Lish]

I have the best mom ever and i would definitely consider myself momas boy lol. I care about her alot and love spending my time w her. I wanthave to geta rich soyou that myi mom doesntis have toto work, i evenam plan onon letting hera live win meand once ia get married. Having said that my mom is awesome and is happy w whoever i cbose to be in relationship with. She treats my so's w same respect she treats me. My mom gets along w everyone, just like i do. She has helped me so much in my life its unexplainable and i will never forget it.

 

Honestly if any girl cant get along w my mom then i will not date her because there is something definitely wrong w her. That has yet to happen and i doubt it will though.

 

Good luck finding a woman that's going to want to get married to a man that wants to take his mother with him into the marriage.

 

Unless of course this is a cultural norm.

[Ruby Slippers]

Unless of course this is a cultural norm.

I don't think any woman likes to be second to her man's mom -- but in some cultures, women's options are very limited, so that's the best they can get.

[D-Lish]

I don't think any woman likes to be second to her man's mom -- but in some cultures, women's options are very limited, so that's the best they can get.

 

Thankfully I have Dorito's then, they really do make a difference:rolleyes:

[elizabeth26]

Dasein, how is this guy not a mommas boy? The guy lives NEXT DOOR to her. She's clearly needy and controlling and if he can't ask that she respect his relationship and his partner, then yes, he is indeed a mommas boy.

 

Elizabeth, just cut this loser off. You've already lost respect for him and you probably won't get it back. Tell him if he can get her to butt out of your relationship then you'd be willing to reconcile, but until then you'd like no further contact from him. I think you should even say the actual words, "I'm leaving you because you're a momma's boy."

 

Thank you! I know I'm not crazy, who buys a house right next door to their parents? I am pretty tailspun right now but talking and sorting it out is helping me think clearly.

[elizabeth26]

If you had those feelings about her, you were most likely bang on with your instincts.

 

I knew from 20 minutes of meeting her that she had problems. She kept bringing up my H's ex gf in front of me- then had the audacity to bring out picture albums of the two of them together... lol.

 

I lost so much respect for exH that he didn't/couldn't stand up for me.

 

Your ex doesn't know any better- because he doesn't have another mother to compare her to! It's sad, but for him, his mother is just like every other mother in his eyes.

She sounds like a psychopath! I know I didn't have it THAT bad, I couldn't stand the way she talked to me. She expected me to liver HER life and cater to his every whim, can you say DOORMAT??? Maybe I am just high maintainance but, when a person shoves their view on you constantly, you just can't talk to them. I really do love his father, he is very much his own person. I don't understand the neediness, she treats her sons like THEY are her husbands and gets them to argue over who will help her. We went on a trip and she pouted because no one watched a movie she wanted to watch, she said, "Travis would have watched it with me!" and pouted. Her other son didn't even go with us! His girlfriend doesn't like his mom's crap either. I wanted to go home right then. It's just needy and selfish, I don't want that for my (future) children.

[elizabeth26]

Reading all these accounts throughout the net has really helped me see a situation for what it was.

 

My issue is not focused on the mommy, though i understand her needy twisted behavior has enabled her menchildren, but issues with the son himself, which i cannot overcome, despite blocking them out in the beginning as i was smitten. He was completely different to me, not what i would usually find attractive or anybody else for that matter, though there was something about him that i couldn't get enough of, charming, intelligent, very sweet and attentive and a great lover with whom i completely connected. The good was REALLY good.

 

I fell head over heels (reciprocated) for a guy (manchild?) who still lives at home age 32 (as in has never left).

 

Many reasons for this- education, father leaving (20 years ago), poverty. insisted he was helping her out- yet the evidence proves otherwise (house in disarray, and paying her pocket money does not cover his board, if anything he is leeching off of her, with his brothers, and what she gets in return is a 'husband substitute' (yes i truly believe this is what happened in her mind after her husband left).

 

I really felt like i connected with this guy in a way i never thought possible. Maybe because i also have major issues of my own, many of them being social and confidence-related, and like attracts like (though I have always been fiercely independent in supporting myself, and hold myself solely responsible for my own destiny, which is certainly not the case for him, though, deluded, he sadly thinks he is).

 

The things that put me off- besides can't cook, do laundry properly:

 

Manipulative- probably from the beginning, in that way he's a lot smarter than me.

 

Naive- like a child- about everything. Add to that lack of experience and emotionally immature.

 

Jealous- he could not accept that he was not my first love/r. To the point of making me feel bad that I have been with a handful of men at my ripe old age of 30.

 

Unrealistic- fantasizing about 'big boys' things like marriage, houses, dream jobs and what a relationship entails- and how he was going to achieve those goals- completely detached from reality.

 

Sulking- make that passive-aggressive- when he was met with resistance, when he didn't get the answer/what he wanted.

 

Needy- to the point of smothering me- and expecting that back in an equal amount. getting mad and playing payback mind games if i didn't reply to his texts after a few hours- regardless of what i was busy with.

 

Huge undeserved ego- and couldn't handle observations- and saw me as treating him like **** when i questioned him (lifestyle, dependent on mum, lack of drive, and snail-paced progress)- due to mommy telling him the sun shines out of his ass.

 

No sense of who he really was- he thinks he's an entrepreneur because he's educated but holds down a part time job in a nightclub and spends the rest of his time running errands with mum and larking about like a teenager.

 

And then- terrible sense of style- make that no style- really really bad clothes- maybe mom bought them- that didn't fit him and did him absolutely no favors. Said he always wanted to but never had time to dabble in fashion. ??? Says this about everything. Carried himself really badly. I am no snob but damn! He dressed like a SLOB.

 

From 6 to 32 with nothing inbetween- the things he hasn't done in life- things that i regard as normal, stuff i did and liked when i was 12 years old, things that teens do, people in their twenties- he is now discovering. I wonder if he has lived literally shielded under mum's wing with eyes and ears closed. not that i have done so much, but there's something off-putting to me about somebody who has never traveled, dresses like a lorry driver (no offence! just think of the cliche), and likes music that is aimed at 12 year old kids. I feel that even I am cultured in comparison! And he is so green. I'd just feel like his mom showing him "Look Steve, this is LIFE!" and "Come on Steve, pick your feet up, we're going to be late!"

 

And he too would do the 'little boy lost" voice, and talk in a little kid singsong you know like how bratkids gloat "MY mum bought ME an ICECREAM from BEN and JERRYS!" And flutter his eyelashes and flash his big brown eyes. Like a chick or something! That obviously worked when he was a kid. Quite disturbing behavior from A MAN.

 

------------------

 

Makes excuses for everything- to justify his decision to never leave, and possibly to prolong staying, self-deception. Big ideas, big talk- but I just don't see any of it happening IN REALITY. He tells me to give him a chance, that my lack of trust is what will ruin us, and that old diamond "Nobody will ever love you the way i can", but by the time he does get it together if ever- i will probably be in 'Depends' by then.

 

Mommy has already displayed passive-aggressive 'other woman' behavior by not answering his calls when he is with me, making silly excuses for it, displayed jealousy that she is not getting the attention she was before me, and when he speaks of moving out, makes remarks like 'I hope i'm still alive by then'- though by this she may have a valid point!

 

It felt like i was 7 dating in the playground. but at the same time, it feels right with him, despite ALL this stuff, which can ALL be attributed to the fact that he lives with Mommy all his life and is shirking responsibility, and well, life. But i quit it because i find it hard to respect him, and to be honest, if you want to change a lot about a potential partner, then, you should spare them of that treatment, and move on. And that whole mother/son bond accounts I am reading about, it's not something I wanna get involved in. I had always been attracted to older men who were grounded.

 

One thing i read that struck a chord, these men like the home comforts of momma, but to feed their ego, also wanna feel like they're a man and can do all the things that big boys can do- hence dating, away from the family home (if not in hotels then it will be YOUR PLACE, his 2nd momma).

 

He claims I'm a b**** for seeing it the way I do- and maybe I am. Guess the point is, you can't help who you fall for but damn, keep your eyes open and listen to your head too! And all your friends who are saying "WTF?!"

 

Well that was so long that most of you probably skipped it, but hella cathartic

OMG!!!! He flutters his eyes and talks in a baby voice too. He does that ALL THE TIME! I would tell him, "you are really honestly creeping me out, why do you do that?"

[elizabeth26]

Have just read the rest of this thread, lots since i last posted, its good to read as I really didnt have any experience with dating a mummys boy at all and didnt realise just what a negative effect it has, especially on him. He truely seems stunted in his development, to the extent he cant make any decsisions at all and seems totally overwhelmed by life choices content to just work and go out with his friends. He even used to put on a "little bot lost" voice when i asked him stuff. Not attractive. I know he doesnt have a clue he has any issues, thinks he is in "VERY LUCKY" SITUATION TO STILL BE LIVING AT HOME AGE 36-not shouting caps were on!! He could afford to move out. He thinks there is nothing wrong at all with his mum stripping washing ironing and making his bed. I just think its odd as i have just never encountered this before, everyone else i have dated has been very self sufficiant. I am all for someone having a close relationship with their mum and loving them and being good to them but the constant talking and praising of her, even knowing about her menopause symptoms is a bit much. He also always has had a thing for older woman, when he was 24 he dated a 36 yr old, and before me, i'm 38, he had a thing with a 50 yr old-well he shagged her a few times. Nice. I am so relieved to have dodged this bullit, why was i even upset!!

My boyfriend would call mommy or grandma when he ran out of toilet paper. I made him buy his own!!! Who takes toilet paper from their Grandma?

[wezol]

From a guys perspective, who has a very healthy relationship with his mother, OP's BF sounds like too much of a momma's boy.

 

I talk to my mom about once a week or two, or call her for advice on cooking/gardening (yes, I like my yard to be lansdcaped, and I like to cook).

 

I was raised by a "single mom", but had regular visits with my father, and they were both on good terms, so that may of made a difference. I was also raised to be independent. She didn't bitch and moan when we went to my exW's family for holidays, although we tried to split them up evenly. She would just call and give me the dates and times, and said if we can make it, it'd be great, if not, she understood completely.

 

I meet these college guys who go home to moms house every weekend to see her....weird to me. I work in the VA office at the college as a student worker, and we have VETERANS who MOMS call on behalf of their son...

 

About the biggest thing I do that would constitute a mommas boy, is I would call my mom when the wife and I had a huge fight, and just was at a loss as to what to do (the months leading up the our divorce), and the reason I would, is because she would be completely honest. I would tell her what was going on, and she would tell me if I was jacked up and wrong. But no matter WHAT I went to with my mom, for the very very few times I did, she NEVER held it against her, and never once did she bad mouth my ex, to her or to me, even after the divorce.