Jump to content

I confessed my cheating by accident, how can I win her back?

RoderM5

By RoderM5
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
Posted

Can I ever win her back? Here is my story and will someone tell me if there is a solution to this without calling me an idiot or other names (I know I am already, no need to further kick me while I'm down).

 

A while ago in June 2010 I end up making-out and receiving oral from another girl while drunk. Her female cousin saw this but decided not to tell my GF, just warned me she would not spare me next time.

 

Fast forward to last week: We were on a family reunion and almost everyone of us were drunk (including me). Anyways last week I heard my GF talking to her cousin and I assumed wrong. I stupidly went up to my GF and say ''You must know it by now don't you, I cheated, I'm sorry'' and went explaining about the kiss and oral part (everything that took place) it while she was confused and shocked at the same time. Her cousin was telling her about her uncle's terminal cancer.

 

My soon to be ex GF is now angry at the both of us but I think she's more upset with her cousin. I heard her arguing and exchanging words with her cousin and in turn, her cousin end up punching me hard on the face calling me a snitch and that I should have kept my mouth shut.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Part of me said I did the right thing but I'm not sure, did I? Or should I have kept my mouth shut like her cousin told me?

 

I don't hit girls, that's why I let her punch me. Had it been a guy, he would have been knocked down. SO CAN SOMEONE ANSWER. IS THERE A WAY OF POSSIBLY WINNING HER BACK?

 

She's currently not taking any of my calls and when I wrote on my im as well as yahoo messenger, the reply back I got was a ''Go to hell'' and she then went offline. I know I deserved this but can we ever recouncile?

WeatherMe Member

WeatherMe

Posted
Posted

You didn't really do the right thing because the only reason you came clean was because you thought someone had already given you up.

 

What you should have done was not cheat to begin with... What you should have done was tell her when it happened. Her cousin should have told her since you did not.

 

These things have a way of coming out in the end. It's usually just a matter of time. Now your girlfriend not only feels betrayed by you but ALSO her cousin, her own flesh and blood. Lovely.

 

How old are you? I'm thinking young, and I'm thinking you both should move on and you should learn from your mistakes. Cheating is a serious no-no. Don't do it again.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
How old are you? I'm thinking young, and I'm thinking you both should move on and you should learn from your mistakes. Cheating is a serious no-no. Don't do it again.
I'm 20 years old and she is really my first GF I ever had, my first everything. I don't know what I'll do if indeed I really lose her. Right now I can't sleep and didn't even ate breakfast.

 

Is there any slim change she'll come back?

 

I haven't done it ever since that day and will ever do anything like that again.

WeatherMe Member

WeatherMe

Posted
Posted

You're really young and you must understand that it is more likely she will not come back than will. Don't get your hopes up. You have pleanty of time and there are plenty of girls out there. Just remember how THIS feels the next time around.

 

The first is always the hardest. You will move on. Give her as much space as she needs, leave her alone now. If she has anything to say she'll come to you. In the meantime try to occupy yourself. Chances are this is over bud. Sorry.

sm1tten Established Member

sm1tten

Posted
Posted

 

Is there any slim change she'll come back?

 

I hope not, and I'm totally being harsh on you because I don't really believe you're sorry that you cheated on her... you're sorry that you confessed it and she's angry at you and you might lose her.

 

People make mistakes. Hopefully you'll learn from this and grow as a person.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
The first is always the hardest. You will move on. Give her as much space as she needs, leave her alone now. If she has anything to say she'll come to you. In the meantime try to occupy yourself. Chances are this is over bud. Sorry.
:( now I feel like crying.

 

If by any chance she decides to come back, how would I earn her trust back?

 

If I would ever go back in time, I would never have done it. This is my punishment, not being with the girl of my dreams, hurting the one who always treated me great. I lost a nice, wonderful girl. I even had plans of settling down with her after finishing college but I ruined it all.

WeatherMe Member

WeatherMe

Posted
Posted
:( now I feel like crying.

 

If by any chance she decides to come back, how would I earn her trust back?

 

If I would ever go back in time, I would never have done it. This is my punishment, not being with the girl of my dreams, hurting the one who always treated me great. I lost a nice, wonderful girl. I even had plans of settling down with her after finishing college but I ruined it all.

 

IF she comes back (and not be a d*** but I'm with sm1tten, sorry) She'll tell you what she needs to forgive you/trust you again.

 

You will feel better and you just learned a very important lesson. You find someone you love, you want to be with them forever, you sacrifice things e.g. tail. Time to be a man. Good luck, it's not always (or ever) easy.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I hope not, and I'm totally being harsh on you because I don't really believe you're sorry that you cheated on her... you're sorry that you confessed it and she's angry at you and you might lose her.

 

People make mistakes. Hopefully you'll learn from this and grow as a person.

I have always been feeling guilty about it but kept it to myself all this time to not bring this burden to her, to save her the pain she's now undergoing.

I wish instead of her going through all this pain, it was me. I know what I'm going through now is nothing comparing to what she's dealing with.

 

I just received an angry message from her cousin, it said that I ruined their relationship and how my GF doesn't wanna talk to her no more and that it's all my fault.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Ok guys I'll leave things as it is and give her space. If she ends up coming back and I'll be the happiest guy ever and write on every walls how I don't do that again.

If not, then that's my answer. I'll sadly have to move on, maybe try one more time to see if we could at least be friends, and then that'll be it.

fltc Established Member

fltc

Posted
Posted

Sounds like you're on the right track but one more thing you need to do, NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again! Why? Go back and read your first post, it should be obvious.

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

Not even a beer!

Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted

roder

 

leave her alone. if she wants to leave, let her leave. trying to "win her back" is for your own selfish end.

 

besides, if you were to get her back, you would do so knowing that in the back of her mind when she looks at you, she'll see "cheater" stamped across your forehead.

 

hell, she just may decide that if you cheated, she might just go out and slob some other guy's knob herself and you'd have nothing to say about it(although then she'd become no better)

 

So for her, and actually you too, leave her alone. Let her get over you and get out in the dating world and look for someone that won't cheat on her.

Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted
Sounds like you're on the right track but one more thing you need to do, NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again! Why? Go back and read your first post, it should be obvious.

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

Not even a beer!

 

alcohol isn't the problem. but it is, however, a truth serum.

 

alcohol brings out that in a person's character that is already there, but just not brave enough to do while sober.

 

so with cheaters, alcohol actually does the betrayed party a favor and brings their desires to the surface so they can see who they really are.

Arabella Established Member

Arabella

Posted
Posted
alcohol isn't the problem. but it is, however, a truth serum.

 

alcohol brings out that in a person's character that is already there, but just not brave enough to do while sober.

 

so with cheaters, alcohol actually does the betrayed party a favor and brings their desires to the surface so they can see who they really are.

 

I agree that alcohol lowers inhibitions but the remainder of that statement about cheaters makes no sense whatsoever.

 

Most people, even those in a relationship, have sexually desired another person at some point. It's human nature and nobody can help it. However, someone who cares about their relationship and truly love the person they are with, will do the right thing and not cheat... drunk, or otherwise.

 

Alcohol is just a crappy excuse for people who have no self-control and/or don't really care to cheat. "Oh, I'm SO sorry... it was the alcohol!". Bull*****, I say.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Sounds like you're on the right track but one more thing you need to do, NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again! Why? Go back and read your first post, it should be obvious.

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

NEVER TOUCH ALCOHOL again!

Not even a beer!

I'll make sure to watch that on my walls and remind myself not to ever touch a single beer again.

 

Though it was still completely my fault, don't want to sound like I'm giving excuses.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
roder

 

leave her alone. if she wants to leave, let her leave. trying to "win her back" is for your own selfish end.

 

besides, if you were to get her back, you would do so knowing that in the back of her mind when she looks at you, she'll see "cheater" stamped across your forehead.

I understand, which is why I haven't call nor text her today. It would have to come from her, if she wants to take me back. I don't want to sound like a desperate guy nor annoying. I guess this is the answer. She ain't going to forgive this and it's a goodbye for sure.

hell, she just may decide that if you cheated, she might just go out and slob some other guy's knob herself and you'd have nothing to say about it(although then she'd become no better)
If she did that, I would want to find out who that guy is and confront him. If he didn't know me, then I'll just leave it as a warning. However, if he knew about us then for sure I'll pound him so badly he won't be getting up easily. I know this may seem hypocritical but that's how most of us guys are. We can't deal with our girls being touched by another dude. It's the same as having your car, no one can use it but you. Then my guess is I would have a hard time getting over images running in my mind of all the things the guy did to her.
Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted

Please do yourself a favor and don't hope for her to come back.

 

It really does not matter, she know she can't trust you and frankly even if she would take you back she would be so insecure in the relationship chances are it would be over in a few weeks if not days.

 

Damage is done. Move on....and learn form the experience that a few moments of drunken pleasure have consequences that are far reaching.

Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted (edited)

If she did that, I would want to find out who that guy is and confront him.

 

 

why? more than likely he wouldn't know she has a boyfriend.

 

why go up to him and act all big and bad when it would be your gf you would need to deal with?

 

 

If he didn't know me, then I'll just leave it as a warning.

 

well if the guy found out she had a bf, he may just think its wrong and step away himself.

 

but if "warned", he may think, well F that. I'll do it on my own, but nobody will tell me to"

 

 

However, if he knew about us then for sure I'll pound him so badly he won't be getting up easily.

 

and why all the anger and violence towards the guy? don't get me wrong, I'd be angry too.

 

But if this is what you would want to dole out to some guy that your gf WILLINGLY sucked off, then you should be equally, or more to the point, MORE angry in your handling of your gf.

 

and really, after this "beatdown" you'd have handed to the guy, you'd simply use the situation to justify going out and cheating again at some point.

 

 

 

I know this may seem hypocritical

 

it doesn't seem that way, it is.

 

but really, this was just a hypothetical scenario. I'm sure your girl isn't anything like you and won't cheat, even in revenge.

Edited by Memphis Raines
  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Please do yourself a favor and don't hope for her to come back.

 

It really does not matter, she know she can't trust you and frankly even if she would take you back she would be so insecure in the relationship chances are it would be over in a few weeks if not days.

 

Damage is done. Move on....and learn form the experience that a few moments of drunken pleasure have consequences that are far reaching.

Some of my buddies tell me that women are generally forgiving and giving them flowers or perfumes will increase your chances of them taking you back.

I tried that yesterday and she didn't accepted anything, just told me it was over and not do anything romantic anymore. I'm respecting her wishes now if she wants it that way.

I just wish one day we can at least develop a friendship.

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
But if this is what you would want to dole out to some guy that your gf WILLINGLY sucked off, then you should be equally, or more to the point, MORE angry in your handling of your gf.

 

and really, after this "beatdown" you'd have handed to the guy, you'd simply use the situation to justify going out and cheating again at some point

After the beatdown it would probably be over. It would depend on what she did with the other guy. If she really ****ed him or gave heads then it's over. Us guys have a difficult time dealing with a gf screwing or blowing another dude. I would be constantly reminded of how he touched her and just might not be able to handle it.
cutily Member

cutily

Posted
Posted

You are 20, and it is your first girlfriend, get over it she is not the one!

 

What you think is love and the greatest thing in your life is just infatuation and lust for something you never knew before, that's it.

The worst is that if you were so into her you wouldn't have cheated, even drunk.

I stayed 3 years with my ex, we were heavy drinkers and had parties apart every 2 weeks, NEVER EVER did we cheat, and trust me we had plenty of opportunities! But when you are really into someone you just don't do it.

 

You'll get over it, and later in life you'll think about it with a smile realizing how oblivious and naive you were.

Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted
After the beatdown it would probably be over. It would depend on what she did with the other guy. If she really ****ed him or gave heads then it's over. Us guys have a difficult time dealing with a gf screwing or blowing another dude. I would be constantly reminded of how he touched her and just might not be able to handle it.

 

again, if she willingly sucked another guy off, and he didn't know she had a boyfriend(or even if he did), then if you are wanting to beat the guy up, then what would you want to do to your gf? she is the one that f*****d you over directly. She is the one you should be more mad at.

 

You gonna beat her up too? And if not, what is her consequences equal to the beatdown of another guy?

 

and again, after what you have done to her, you don't have the high ground to exact your definition of revenge on some guy she would have chosen to mess around with without being a hypocrite.

flutterbykiss Established Member

flutterbykiss

Posted
Posted

OK, so she might not come back anyway but I promise you that gifts will not help you at this point. Let me give you some girl-psychology advise.

 

1) Offering her a gift, of any sort, is saying that you think you can buy your way out of what you did. In a girls mind letting you buy your way out of trouble is giving you license to do it again because now that you know you can cheat, buy some roses and get a away with it, you are likely to do it again.

 

2) Having been in her situation I know that the only way you can make it up to her is to understand how much it hurt her and to be hurt that she is hurting. From a girls perspective, this means that your cheating caused you pain, too, and so you are less likely to do it again.

 

3)You f*@ked yourself royally by hiding it from her. This makes her think that you wanted to get away with it so you could do it again. AND it makes her wonder what else you might have hidden. She now knows that you are able to hide something like that from her and she feels unsafe because she wouldn't even know if you did it again.

 

Do you see the pattern? It's all about her feeling safe that you won't hurt her again. Any other gesture is counter-productive because it shows you don't understand how your actions have shaken her feeling of safety. Work on the reasons that you won't do it again and you may have a shot

  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
again, if she willingly sucked another guy off, and he didn't know she had a boyfriend(or even if he did), then if you are wanting to beat the guy up, then what would you want to do to your gf? she is the one that f*****d you over directly. She is the one you should be more mad at.
I would have ditch her. There would be no way I can stay with her after what she did. Sucking another guy or ****ing him is a big deal to us guys. The only way out of this (if it she would have cheated that way) would be to get even by doing the same, possibly with 2 women at a club. I then might reconsider but then I don't know, still end up dumping her. Or if I were to still stay (without getting revenge), then I'll remind her about it for as long as I want to. Definitely don't let her get off easily on that.

 

You gonna beat her up too? And if not, what is her consequences equal to the beatdown of another guy?
No I don't hit girls. I would have done as stated above. We don't like slutty girls.

 

and again, after what you have done to her, you don't have the high ground to exact your definition of revenge on some guy she would have chosen to mess around with without being a hypocrite.
I know it would be hypocritical but we can't stand another dude messing with our girl. By doing that and knowing it's my girl, he's challenging me to a fight right away.
  • Author
RoderM5 Member

RoderM5

Posted
  • Author
Posted
3)You f*@ked yourself royally by hiding it from her. This makes her think that you wanted to get away with it so you could do it again. AND it makes her wonder what else you might have hidden. She now knows that you are able to hide something like that from her and she feels unsafe because she wouldn't even know if you did it again.

 

Do you see the pattern? It's all about her feeling safe that you won't hurt her again. Any other gesture is counter-productive because it shows you don't understand how your actions have shaken her feeling of safety. Work on the reasons that you won't do it again and you may have a shot

There isn't really anything I can do to win her back. This is so hard for me, losing my love of my life. I know there others who might think it wasn't love because I cheated but it is. I'll never forget her nor what we've been through together, all those beautiful memories. Everything is gone now. I feel like crying.

 

If there was a way to make it up to her I would. I would then write on every walls how I learned from this and won't ever cheat again.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...