grry Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Well, I have been with my partner for 4 years and 3 weeks ago we split up. We've been living together for 2 and a half years now, so it's a little more complicated. When the talk about the break up happened it was pretty mutual, we were having some problems communicating with each other and with our schedules we really weren't dealing with it. We would have talks about what we needed to do to improve every so often, but neither of put forth the full effort. We both had said to each other that we didn't want this, but maybe we had exhausted ourselves. We both agreed to sleep on it and we went to bed, him on the couch. When we woke up, I was ready to talk and realized that it was absolutely worth trying, but seriously trying this time. He said he still needed to think. Anyway, after the day went by he came home from work and said he thought it really was over. I was angry and devastated, but I never expressed anything but sorrow. I decided it was best for me to leave. A little back story, about 2 years ago right after we moved in together, we had broken up but we decided to continue living together. It was not the way to grieve at all, and I would not recommend that at all! Even if each is thinking of reconciliation. Time and space is vital, I have found. But after a few months we became friends again and started hanging out everyday, and then all of a sudden we both agreed that we missed each other and we got back together. We were together again for almost two more years, and we really seemed to have resolved most of our differences. We were actually a different couple, we were much happier and we both seemed to finally get the importance that it's a partnership; a duo effort. But as we both were getting on with our schooling and our careers, things were getting a little tense. We started to take each other for granted, and routine became our own worst enemies. Every so often we'd realize this and break the cycle, but routine would rear it's ugly head all over again. Anyway, after the talk I left to a friends where I have been staying the passed 3 weeks and figured it was for the best of we had as little contact as possible with each other. The day after I left I wrote him a 6 page letter professing everything to him. It was very intimate and I did not assume to think I knew what he was feeling. He told me later it was a nice letter, but he still needed this. After that I decided that getting my own apartment is a good idea. I hopefully move in this Saturday. My problem is, I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I can't sleep without thinking of falling asleep in each other's arms. Like we had been doing for the passed 4 years. It's heart breaking. What makes it worse, is I saw him over a week ago because I needed to pack up my things. And he looked absolutely devastated too. He told me he missed me and that this is really hard, but this is something he thinks he needs. He told me he didn't think he was a good partner near the end. I am aware of my own faults and am 100% committed to fixing them. If not for him, but for myself. I actually realize that this is something I want too, I want autonomy. But it's such a shame for two people who are still in love with one another to be split up for good. I'm doing everything I can to keep my mind occupied, I am working a lot, I am reading, hanging out with friends and not contacting him at all. It's been 5 days now since we've spoken and it's the longest we've ever gone not speaking to one another. It's so hard. I just want to go "home" and wrap my arms around him. I kind of was thinking of doing my own thing for a while, getting my own place and seeing where we are in a little time. Maybe living separately would help us get through our issues. I just don't know. I think one of the worst things is to actually be aware of everything. We're both aware of what makes us happy and how to do it. We're aware of every little challenge and ingredient that goes into a healthy relationship; our relationship. It just seemed that all these little things were compounding and we stopped talking about it. It became too much. But if you know how to make it work and be happy, shouldn't you do that? All my friends and family all say the same things. "You two are meant to be" "it'll all work out" et cetera. But it doesn't help at all. I guess what I am looking for is a little advice. Like I said, I have realized that time apart is necessary. But do I hold on to some kind of hope of reconciliation or just let it happen naturally? Do I just move on? I'm so lost.
Recommended Posts