What the **** happened? So much pain.

[Painful heart]

I don't even know where to begin. I thought my relationship was going well. Certainly not perfect, but comfortable. There was love romance, surprise and intrigue. And now? Nothing.

 

My girlfriend just left me for another man. I never saw it coming. We bickered and argued over silly things, but what couple doesn't? We were together for over a year, and although that's not a long time in the big picture, I came into her life at a time where she needed someone most. We have been through so much in that year I can't even describe it. I was and still am in-love with her. I thought she was in-love with me.

 

Is she? Does she think about me? Does she want to text me as bad as I want to text her?

 

To make matters worse my mom is dying of cancer. As I type this she is up stairs laying in a hospital bed, no longer eating or drinking, she is only days if not hours away from death. I have been taking care of her for the last 2 months. Feeding her, taking her to and from the bathroom etc. It's been an experience I can't even explain. The only thing that would get me through the day are the texts I would receive from my girlfriend saying... I love you. And now, those are gone. I've lost my mother, my girlfriend and I am feeling pain that hurts so bad I don't even know what to do. I'm crying like a fish every 5 seconds at the thought of, "How could you just leave me? just like that!" How can you just throw it all away, as if it doesn't exist?

 

And here I am talking to strangers I don't even know on a relationship forum. .. I've never done this before.

 

I just am suffering so bad. My number one fan, my biggest support, my mom is gone. My inspiration and number one support outside of her, is gone and just left me.

 

Ive gone through relationship break ups before, but the pain from this is utterly killing me. I wanted to marry her. One could argue and say, "Do you really want to marry someone who just does that?" But she wasn't like that. Something happened, and I dont know what, and I am literally in pain.

 

What the **** happened? You know?

 

It hurts so much. I've lost everything, not just her, but her dogs, her family who accepted me into theirs, her bbq's, the fun times, everything.

 

I sat with my mom this morning holding her hand, crying, because she can't even talk anymore. And I just don't know what the hell im going through. The pain is just too much.

 

this pain is so powerful.

 

Dave

[stray]

Dave,

 

I want to commend you for your courage, strength and loyalty to your mom during this very hard time. It's extremely difficult to go through what you're currently experiencing. It's exhausting, and shocking, to care for a dying person, and much more so, when it's a parent. It is absolutely a life changing experience and it grows a very thick skin on a person. I have done it too.

 

I can hardly believe that your ex would leave you during this emotionally turbulent time for you, if you did nothing to instigate such a move. And by that I mean, if you were beating her, or verbally abusive - something extreme). It sounds like that wasn't the case at all, however. The fact of the matter is your ex is extraordinarily selfish. I always tell people the true test of a relationship (and a person) is what happenes when sh*t hits the fan; when the going gets tough. If your partner ups and leaves when you need a friend the most, then you can be SURE the relationship was never going to last. I know you're attached to her family, dogs, environment, and all those other connections - you gotta step away from it and look at the big picture. What she did was not only shockingly disprectful to you, but also to your mother. If you can't yet realize how much respect YOU deserve, at least realize how much respect your mom deserves, and cut this chick loose for that reason alone.

 

Honestly, if you need to talk to anyone, please PM me; I've helped many people deal with the death of a parent. Just focus on your mom, give her the best (and I mean the BEST) last few days, weeks of her life that you can possibly give her. Put your ex aside - focus only on your mom. Your mom brought you into this world, and you owe to her at the very least, to make the last moments of her life as enjoyable as possible.

[Forever Learning]

Well you have come to the right place. Thank God for that!

 

Consider this your new hang out for the next few months. You will need to read a little (or a lot) here every chance you get. That way it will sink in your noggin, that you are not alone. And that is VERY important to realize.

 

When you read enough around here, you will see that all too clearly - that you are not the first, and will not be the last, to be dumped out of the blue, without warning, and seemingly without reason. It is horrific, yes it is.

 

You will gain so much comfort by reading all the insight people have left for others, regarding how to survive and make your way (sometimes fight your way) through all the pain you are experiencing, to make it to the other side - out of pain, and into a place of peace.

 

You will get there, but it won't be next week.

 

This will take some time, keep that in mind. But time is a healer, you have to hang in there and let the healing process work through you.

 

What your girlfriend did is a disgusting kind of break up, out of the blue, that leaves the party who was dumped, on their knees trying to make sense of it. Your type of break up, which is the worst kind to begin with, is so much worse because she up and left you at the exact worst time of your life.

 

Over time, you will see clearly what that says about your girlfriend. It shows she lacks integrity, in my opinion.

 

You are better off without someone who can do something like that. It's heartless.

 

My friend, if you can make it through the next few months, you will have gotten through what will likely be the worst experience of your entire life. You have got to take this day by day, one day at a time.

 

I am a 42 year old mother of two boys, age 7 and 3. Their father is pretty much useless, we are divorcing. I have had cancer in the past. I often fear to be in the place that your mother is in right now, having a recurrence of my cancer and dying and no longer able to be the number one fan and biggest supporter of my boys. I pray that they will be fully grown before I leave this earth.

 

I am so sorry for your mother's terminal illness and that you are going to lose her soon. I am VERY SURE she would want to know that you will be OK after she is gone, that you WILL have a happy and fulfilled life even when she is not able to be there for you in the future.

 

I think the very best gift you can give back to you mother in her honor is to make a pact to yourself to have the best kind of life, a happy and fulfilling life, in the future. Even if that means, finding happiness while you are all on your own (single). You have to be able to be happy, on your own, before being happy in a relationship, is one thing I have learned around here.

 

You are going to have to watch that you don't slip into a depression. You may need to see a counselor to talk through some of your grief regarding your mother and your girlfriend leaving you. You may even need to consider anti-depressants if depression sets in. Don't be embarassed to take these if you need to for a while.

 

The human brain is ruled by chemicals within the grey matter that effect our mood, alot of that is beyond our control. Exercising every day is CRUCIAL, an hour if possible. Exercise releases endorphins in the brain, as well as relieving stress. Some studies show exercise to be as powerful as anti-depressants.

 

Also try to cultivate a support group of friends and family to talk to and check up on you so you don't become isolated.

 

One more thing you can do, is post advice and insight to others here as you feel you are able. Giving back and helping others (in any capacity, not just here of course) is a magical way of healing yourself and bringing good things into your life.

 

Some people call it karma. I have found it to be a very real phenomenon.

 

God bless you and your mother. I am so sorry for your pain and suffering right now. Keep us posted here and take care of yourself.

[leoc1973]

I know what you are going through. I mean exactly! My mom was dying of emphysema and my girlfriend of 5.5 years who we were just looking at rings and houses 2 weeks prior left me. I mean just like you said completely out of the blue. One minute I was feeling like the luckiest guy in the world to have her to be with me while my mom was passing and then next thing she took a job a few hundred miles away and left. This was 2 months ago and trust me it does get easier. I am starting to get to that point now of total disgust for her. On top of it she comes around every couple weeks to give me some breadcrumbs while she is dating other guys. I guess the way I look at it is that I will always be plan B for her so why do I want to be with her. I am thinking in the next month or 2 I will thank god that I found out what a piece of crap she can be.

 

I am not a religious man at all but someone gave me a card it had a prayer for st jude on it. Every time I started feeling like the world was smothering me I would read it. It will make you cry but after you will feel a little better. Google it and give it a try.

 

As far as your mom. Do not let her feel like after she is gone that you will not be ok. Tell her that you are glad that your ex is gone. Whatever lie to her but don't send her to her final rest with fear for you. This will make you stronger and one day you will look back and say to yourself that you can't believe that you loved a piece of **** like her!

 

Take care man!

[GymRat]

Dave,

 

You are an incredible human being. I can't even fathom how much pain you're feeling, but I'm glad you have the presence of mind to try to talk it out, even if it's on a forum with anonymous posters.

 

Listen, if your girlfriend left you knowing full well your situation with your mother, then I'm positive she is the most selfish, unloving person out there. Again, this is assuming there wasn't anything terribly wrong with your relationship, but I don't think that's the case here. Believe me, you're better off without her, as incredibly difficult that seems to you at this moment in time.

 

Focus on your mother, a mother's love is the most unconditional, and please tell her how much you love her. She wants nothing more than to see you happy, and promise her that you will do your best to keep your head up, and take care of yourself. That's what she wants to hear, and please don't break your promise.

 

This will, undoubtedly be the worst moment in your life. And if there's a positive spin on it, things will only begin to get better for you, I can assure you. You need to talk to as many close friends and family as possible, don't hold ANYTHING in, for the love of God. Even coming to forums like this helps. People tend to be compassionate, even to strangers.

 

Don't be embarrassed to seek out a counselor either, if things feel worse. Let people know about your situation, you need to be heard. You're not alone, you never will be, and always know that.

 

I wish you all of the best, from the bottom of my heart. I know you have the courage to get through this, be strong my friend.

 

Take care, Dave.

[Painful heart]

Thank you so much guys, your words, inspiration and support mean the world to me.

 

There was no physical or mental abuse in our relationship whatsoever. And that's a promise. She for whatever reason bailed, and it hurts so much in addition to my mom in her last days. I never saw it coming, and I never thought she'd go so low.

 

You wish and wish she'd say the things you want to hear, but she's not and it hurts even more. I'm taking one day at a time.

 

Thank you all again, it means the world.

[amtz]

Dave,

 

Perhaps words reading stories from complete strangers are pointless in such a difficult time, but don't let it get to you!!! YOU WILL BE FAR BETTER with such a person ( I doubt she is even human).. I wont lie to you and non of us who have gone trough this distress will! But in time you will see that everything WILL BE OK and that you are an even better and bigger person for surviving such an experience! Just remember your main concern should be your well being and not hers!!!

 

May my god be with and your dear mother! She will always be a bright light in your darkest nights!

[Painful heart]

How does one get over those images of her with another man? I know that might seem like a stupid question, but it riddles my brain and hurts me so much. She was mine. I was the only one who could do that, you know? Our sex life was so amazing and sacred to me. How do you just move on. How do you get those horrible images out of your brain?

[sleepykitten]

Dear Painful heart

I am so truely sorry for what you are going through, your poat and the replies to it made me well up. I am so glad you found loveshack as it is an invaluble support network. With regard to your latest post re images of her with another man-they will keep getting into your head, all I can say is use it to never let her back into your life again. What she has done is unforgiveable. Dont ever contact her, no matter how much you feel your heart is breaking, believe me it will make you feel worse if that is at all possible. You ahev people here who will support you, i have been in bits and posted in the middle of the night just needing to hear from someone and minutes later a reply, and sounds silly but this has been a godsend for me. I cant imagine what you are going through right now but on the other side of the world someone is thinking of you and sending you a huge hug.

[CaliBabe]

Dave,

 

I am so sorry you are going through all of this pain, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling or what you are going through. I think you are doing a great thing, being there for your mom. That is first and foremost and you are a great son for being there.

 

Now for your ex, what the hell is wrong with her! She should be supporting you and be your backbone. I mean what heartless BI*** would do that to another human being? You are better off without her my friend. There are millions of people in this world and although the wound is still fresh I promise you it will eventually heal little by little. I would recommend going NC for your own sake. Focus solely on yourself and your family and rebuild that strength that is buried within you. There is a quote that says:

 

"You'll never know how strong you have to be until being strong is the only choice you have."

 

And boy is it true. I was a total mess after my ex left me and I finally figured that there is no one in this life that can do anything for me. My happiness, my self worth, anything really. It is entirely up to me. So I advise you to keep up what you are doing, be strong and be proud. The reason why you feel this hard hurt is because you love hard and not every human being is capable of doing that so any girl that has that from you is LUCKY. Keep coming to LS to vent and to get things off your chest, we are all here for you. I would also encourage you to get some counseling, It might help. Good luck with everything you and your mother are in my prayers. God bless my friend.

[a_bit_lost]

You're a strong person - that's for sure. Completely inconsiderate of her to do that at such a difficult time.

 

I commend you my friend. 'You' are in complete control.

[Painful heart]

Thank you all for all of your support and words. They mean more to me than you'll ever know.

 

I have written something entitled "The Pain of losing" In case you're interested in reading it. It's a new post on this Forum.

 

Sadly, my mother died this morning at 4:30am.

[immitable]

Dave you've got my support, please be strong. Right now too much is going on, for you to be able to grasp or analyze why she left. Let her be, I think that she is selfish, to bail out on you is plain cowardly.

[KathyM]

I don't even know where to begin. I thought my relationship was going well. Certainly not perfect, but comfortable. There was love romance, surprise and intrigue. And now? Nothing.

 

My girlfriend just left me for another man. I never saw it coming. We bickered and argued over silly things, but what couple doesn't? We were together for over a year, and although that's not a long time in the big picture, I came into her life at a time where she needed someone most. We have been through so much in that year I can't even describe it. I was and still am in-love with her. I thought she was in-love with me.

 

Is she? Does she think about me? Does she want to text me as bad as I want to text her?

 

To make matters worse my mom is dying of cancer. As I type this she is up stairs laying in a hospital bed, no longer eating or drinking, she is only days if not hours away from death. I have been taking care of her for the last 2 months. Feeding her, taking her to and from the bathroom etc. It's been an experience I can't even explain. The only thing that would get me through the day are the texts I would receive from my girlfriend saying... I love you. And now, those are gone. I've lost my mother, my girlfriend and I am feeling pain that hurts so bad I don't even know what to do. I'm crying like a fish every 5 seconds at the thought of, "How could you just leave me? just like that!" How can you just throw it all away, as if it doesn't exist?

 

And here I am talking to strangers I don't even know on a relationship forum. .. I've never done this before.

 

I just am suffering so bad. My number one fan, my biggest support, my mom is gone. My inspiration and number one support outside of her, is gone and just left me.

 

Ive gone through relationship break ups before, but the pain from this is utterly killing me. I wanted to marry her. One could argue and say, "Do you really want to marry someone who just does that?" But she wasn't like that. Something happened, and I dont know what, and I am literally in pain.

 

What the **** happened? You know?

 

It hurts so much. I've lost everything, not just her, but her dogs, her family who accepted me into theirs, her bbq's, the fun times, everything.

 

I sat with my mom this morning holding her hand, crying, because she can't even talk anymore. And I just don't know what the hell im going through. The pain is just too much.

 

this pain is so powerful.

 

Dave

I'm very sorry you are going through both of these very difficult life events at the same time. Very hard to cope with one, let alone two at once. I know it must be hard to cope when you are feeling so overwhelmed with grief. There is only so much stress a person can take before it starts taking its toll on your physical and emotional health. I would strongly suggest you start seeing a counselor to help you to cope with what lies ahead. Also, if you have any spiritual beliefs, now would be a good time to explore those more in depth. Our spiritual beliefs help us to cope when life becomes overwhelming.

[babycat]

Painful heart, i am right here with you and send you all the love that i can. I am so very sorry to hear of your mothers passing.

 

I am also new to LS but have been reading for a few weeks and i truly believe the words and advice given by the people on this forum, complete strangers no less is from such a loving and warm place and completely invaluble.

 

When you need someone to talk to, there will always be people here. *hug*

 

My Situation is very similar to yours right now, so i feel your pain completely. My mother is also severly ill, she may not die soon but she eventually will and every day is a struggle. She is pretty much bedridden and me and siblings have to help her to the toilet wash and dress her. This alone is such a heavy burdon for anyone to carry and weighs heavy on our shoulders.

 

As for your b*tch of an ex, i understand what you mean by all the thoughts and questions CONSTANTLY running through your brain. Why cant we just switch them off?? Its complete tortute and were only hurting ourselves. My bf just left me for another woman and at this moment is being so cruel. Its a horrible place to be but i truly believe that we can get through this.

 

People like your ex and mine, do not deserve our love. I hate the fact that i can still love him after everything he has done. They swan off and leave us in the sh*t, without a second thought, theres no other word apart from cruel.

 

You are in my thoughts painful heart and i KNOW you will make it through this darkest of dark clouds. You deserve so much better, always remember that.

 

x

[beautyofspeed]

wow, i feel for you. it's hard to tell what was going on with your ex, maybe she was selfish and didn't care like some people said, or maybe it hurt her too much to be around the pain.

[fetish1980]

Dave,

 

I always tell people the true test of a relationship (and a person) is what happenes when sh*t hits the fan; when the going gets tough. If your partner ups and leaves when you need a friend the most, then you can be SURE the relationship was never going to last.

 

This is good advice.

 

fetish