rafallus Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Often people will say they don't like some stuff, but when put in the situation, they end up liking it. If you don't cut that short, I wouldn't be surprised, if he ended up liking it anyways.
EasyHeart Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I honestly can't think of a woman I've ever known whose haircut would change my impression of whether I am attracted to her. Now, there are some types of haircuts that are more flattering on certain women, that's true. But Tigressa strikes me as someone who has a good sense of style and isn't going to get any kind of hideous haircut for herself. Hair is nice, but ultimately what attracts a person is what's underneath the hair. Suggestion: since you're mulling over different potential styles, why not include your boyfriend? You can turn this into a bonding event and a decision-making exercise. It's a good chance to see how your personalities mesh when making a relatively simple decision and as practice for when you might have to make some big ones.
Author tigressA Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 I honestly can't think of a woman I've ever known whose haircut would change my impression of whether I am attracted to her. Now, there are some types of haircuts that are more flattering on certain women, that's true. But Tigressa strikes me as someone who has a good sense of style and isn't going to get any kind of hideous haircut for herself. Hair is nice, but ultimately what attracts a person is what's underneath the hair. Suggestion: since you're mulling over different potential styles, why not include your boyfriend? You can turn this into a bonding event and a decision-making exercise. It's a good chance to see how your personalities mesh when making a relatively simple decision and as practice for when you might have to make some big ones. I 'like' this. Thanks, EH! What a nice idea. I have put the decision on hold for now, however, as I was reminded about something. I wore my natural curls to work today and when BF picked me up he said, "I LOVE your hair like that. You should wear it more often." I don't flaunt my curls much, as I do prefer a sleeker look, but perhaps that's where our true compromise is for now. My hair stretches out to look a few inches longer when it's straight, so wearing the curls is sort of like getting a haircut, and it makes him happy as it's his preference. So I'll try that for a little while and see how it goes. If I still feel like cutting my hair later, I'll do it.
make me believe Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I think people should keep their partners preferences in mind when they make decisions about their personal appearance. I am lucky that my husband and I have many of the same preferences -- we both like long hair, skirts & dresses, heels, minimal makeup. I would never cut my hair without asking his opinion about it first, I don't wear skinny jeans very often because I know he doesn't like how they look, etc. At the same time, he makes similar concessions to me if I voice an opinion or preference about his appearance. I think the attitude of "it's MY hair I'll do what I want with it" is a strange one to have when you're in a relationship. Sure, of course it's your hair, but being unconcerned with your partners opinion of it is weird to me, especially when your appearance is probably what largely attracted him to you in the first place.
zengirl Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I think people should keep their partners preferences in mind when they make decisions about their personal appearance. I am lucky that my husband and I have many of the same preferences -- we both like long hair, skirts & dresses, heels, minimal makeup. I would never cut my hair without asking his opinion about it first, I don't wear skinny jeans very often because I know he doesn't like how they look, etc. At the same time, he makes similar concessions to me if I voice an opinion or preference about his appearance. I think the attitude of "it's MY hair I'll do what I want with it" is a strange one to have when you're in a relationship. Sure, of course it's your hair, but being unconcerned with your partners opinion of it is weird to me, especially when your appearance is probably what largely attracted him to you in the first place. I guess I find it weird to care about the other person's appearance down to the details that way, more than it being a "MY hair" thing. I'd be offended if I had a partner who only liked me with one hairstyle. (I'm not saying that's the case in tigressA's situation.) I think it's good if a guy likes me for my beauty, as well as who I am, of course, but the idea that any change or alteration of style or looks would change the way a guy felt about me just doesn't appeal to me. That said, I change my look A LOT. And I tend to date guys who date mostly shower&go girls even though I am not a shower&go (I think I'm pretty balanced---I love makeup and clothes and changing my hair, but my morning routine is under an hour, including my shower and breakfast, most days). So that might just be based on my relationship experience. If my BF minded me getting a haircut, I'd be weirded out and start wondering what he'd think of me if I ever got sick or old or whatever will inevitably happen.
sm1tten Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I think it's a matter of degrees though. Both the degree of the extremity of difference between styles, and the degree of preference expressed. alsom there's a difference between catering to your partner's tastes and taking their opinon into consideration.
Author tigressA Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 I guess I find it weird to care about the other person's appearance down to the details that way, more than it being a "MY hair" thing. I'd be offended if I had a partner who only liked me with one hairstyle. (I'm not saying that's the case in tigressA's situation.) I think it's good if a guy likes me for my beauty, as well as who I am, of course, but the idea that any change or alteration of style or looks would change the way a guy felt about me just doesn't appeal to me. That said, I change my look A LOT. And I tend to date guys who date mostly shower&go girls even though I am not a shower&go (I think I'm pretty balanced---I love makeup and clothes and changing my hair, but my morning routine is under an hour, including my shower and breakfast, most days). So that might just be based on my relationship experience. If my BF minded me getting a haircut, I'd be weirded out and start wondering what he'd think of me if I ever got sick or old or whatever will inevitably happen. I agree. For example, I remember awhile back we were talking about pregnancy/kids and he said he thinks pregnant women are unattractive. I don't want to have kids, but if I did then I'd have to worry about him losing his attraction to me while pregnant. Overall we have no issues with each other's appearance. He very rarely expresses dislike for anything I wear, and I have a rather eclectic style. He was a sport when I decked myself out in a vintage look for my friend's wedding, down to the pillbox hat with mesh veil. He likes that I am not a product junkie and go bare-faced 99% of the time--I think he really likes when I wear eye makeup, but I only do that if we're going out somewhere. It's just weird to me because in past relationships, no guy ever had any criticism about my overall appearance. Well, except when I was with my ******* ex--he absolutely hated when I wore my hair stick-straight, tried persuading me into a nose stud and wanted me to wear a necklace and bracelet every day (I don't like jewelry), but he was an *******, so I didn't take his opinion into account.
denise_xo Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I dunno. I guess I just see things the other way round - that it would be selfish of one to expect one's SO to go through great inconvenience and discomfort just to look good for one. Of course there's a balance there - for me personally, the cut-off line lies at 'what would be acceptable in a normal workplace', ie no mohawks or gaining 300lbs or, as another poster said, a huge tattoo over his face. But I would never want a bf to, say, keep facial hair if it made him uncomfortable, just because I liked it. Because to me, his comfort is more important than a small physical preference I have. This is basically my outlook, too. I've also never had a partner who has expressed strong preferences in terms of how I should wear my hair/ type of clothes etc. Whenever I've gotten comments, it's been more about appropriateness (e.g. dress code at an event type thing) rather than 'I like you to look like x, y, z. That's kind of how I operate towards partners, too.
denise_xo Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 ....especially when your appearance is probably what largely attracted him to you in the first place. This doesn't really chime with me. Appearance is in may ways temporary. I need to be attracted to a lot more than appearance to choose a life partner, since the plan is to stay with him when he gets old, grey and wrinkly.
sweetjasmine Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 This doesn't really chime with me. Appearance is in may ways temporary. I need to be attracted to a lot more than appearance to choose a life partner, since the plan is to stay with him when he gets old, grey and wrinkly. Same here. Even in just a few years, both of our appearances have changed a bit, whether it be different hairstyles for me or facial hair for him or clothes that we both wear. People change, and I think it's rather selfish and unrealistic to expect your partner to look the same and groom themselves the same way as they did the day you met them. If I cut my hair to shoulder length, and my partner suddenly found me unattractive and was upset by what I did to my hair, I'd wonder WTF I was doing in such a relationship in the first place. It's such a minor change that I really can't comprehend why anyone would have such a problem with it.
zengirl Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Same here. Even in just a few years, both of our appearances have changed a bit, whether it be different hairstyles for me or facial hair for him or clothes that we both wear. People change, and I think it's rather selfish and unrealistic to expect your partner to look the same and groom themselves the same way as they did the day you met them. If I cut my hair to shoulder length, and my partner suddenly found me unattractive and was upset by what I did to my hair, I'd wonder WTF I was doing in such a relationship in the first place. It's such a minor change that I really can't comprehend why anyone would have such a problem with it. I think if I had such worries, personally, I'd have to cut my hair to assuage them. I honestly can't imagine having to worry about that! But it sounds like TigressA found herself a good plan for now. Leaving her hair naturally curly probably saves just as much time.
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