Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Personally, I find the short, "tomboy" haircut extremely unattractive on 99% of women (though a select few can pull it off). If my girlfriend did something like that, in all honesty I would probably dump her. She said she's not going to go that short.
threebyfate Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 A couple of years ago, I hacked my hair off to the bottom of my scapula from ass-length. It didn't bother H. It's now back down to my waist where I might go shoulder length. My hair grows like a weed and I suspect yours might too. If the guy truly loves you, his attraction to you won't change based on hair length. It's pretty insignificant and is a renewable resource.
Woggle Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 If he dumps you over hair length you are better off without him.
zengirl Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 if I cut my hair short(er). It's the longest it's been in years, but I'm not used to it at all, particularly as I'm in the habit of doing a dramatic chop in the summer months. It's a real pain in my *** sometimes. BF, like many guys, very much prefers long hair. I talked to him about possibly cutting it and I know he doesn't really want me to, but in the end said "It's yours, do what you want with it." It's not like I would get a pixie, but even just going to my shoulders would be a dramatic change at this point. I showed him pictures of me with shorter hair and he was like "Well, it's okay..." Now I'm feeling guilty about possibly doing something with MY own hair, which is MINE to do with as I like. And I do wonder if he would find me as attractive anyway, what with his preference. I'm not sure I want to take that chance, and I'm a little upset that there's even a risk of his attraction to me cooling. If his attraction cools over a hair change, then it was always going to cool and was not sustainable long-term anyway. That's a very shallow level of attraction. And no, cutting your hair is not the same as gaining 100 pounds or something. Hair grows back. I definitely think if you're not attracted to someone with a variety of hairstyles, then you're not very attracted to them. I've had BFs who got hair cuts or grew facial hair I didn't prefer and I was still attracted to them, and I'd never date a guy who could lose attraction for me over something so small. How could I ever trust our attraction could last? Some good questions...when you're in a serious relationship with someone, should you really have to consult with the other person about changing your look and take their feelings into account before you do anything? I don't think I'd cut my hair more than a few inches or dye it without giving my BF a head's up. I don't think I'd ask for permission either. I'd more just let him know what I was thinking. I do tend to go for spontaneous makeovers (it's one of the few things I'm spontaneous about!) so it's not out of the question that I'd dye it without telling him or something, but it's unlikely. He might get a text a few hours before though, asking what he thought! (And if he doesn't write back: oh well.) But he'd hear it from me when I decided to do it. Like any decision, I think it's worth letting the SO know, at least when you know it. Is going off and changing your look on a whim without considering your partner considered 'selfish'? If you do it to something you deliberately know your partner does not like . . . maybe. And it depends how much they don't like it. Honestly, though, while I've dated guys who preferred long hair, I've never dated one who really cared all that much one way or the other, as long as I still looked cute. If you have an inkling it will REALLY bother your partner, I think it's selfish. If not, I don't see the big deal. Maybe if you're surgically altering your body or something, but not with a haircut. Is it 'controlling' or 'selfish' if your partner doesn't want you to change your look? Doesn't want it? No. That's fine. As long as they don't make it into a big thing. They can say, "I really like your hair long; long hair is sexier" but as long as they don't denigrate your new haircut or try to actively guilt you into not getting your hair cut (which your feeling guilty doesn't = someone guilting you all the time). At the end of the day, in a relationship, this should be a non-issue. Unless you get barbed wire hair extensions that cut is face or something. If I were your BF, I'd be a lot more comfortable with: "I know you like long hair, but I want to cut my hair because I feel much prettier when it's short." Than: "I know you like long hair, but it's too much trouble for me to look good in that way for you. So, I'm going back to what I'm used to and I'm gonna cut it." The latter sounds selfish, no? It seems more selfish to me to think someone ought to keep up an every-day time-consuming look for you than that. And I'm someone who does take a bit of time with my appearance (not ridiculous, but I'm not a shower&go girl by any means).
sweetjasmine Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 if I cut my hair short(er). It's the longest it's been in years, but I'm not used to it at all, particularly as I'm in the habit of doing a dramatic chop in the summer months. It's a real pain in my *** sometimes. BF, like many guys, very much prefers long hair. I talked to him about possibly cutting it and I know he doesn't really want me to, but in the end said "It's yours, do what you want with it." It's not like I would get a pixie, but even just going to my shoulders would be a dramatic change at this point. I showed him pictures of me with shorter hair and he was like "Well, it's okay..." Now I'm feeling guilty about possibly doing something with MY own hair, which is MINE to do with as I like. And I do wonder if he would find me as attractive anyway, what with his preference. I'm not sure I want to take that chance, and I'm a little upset that there's even a risk of his attraction to me cooling. Some good questions...when you're in a serious relationship with someone, should you really have to consult with the other person about changing your look and take their feelings into account before you do anything? Is going off and changing your look on a whim without considering your partner considered 'selfish'? Is it 'controlling' or 'selfish' if your partner doesn't want you to change your look? I've been in that exact situation. My SO prefers long hair, but once a year or so, I chop it all off and go shoulder-length or slightly shorter than shoulder-length, with layers. Taking care of long hair gets very tiresome, and it's a nice break to have it short and easier to manage. Even though my SO really likes long hair on women, it's never been an issue. He'd rather I not cut it short, but it hasn't caused any problems. He's never said anything negative about my hair, and his attraction to me doesn't seem to be affected by it. It's just a hair cut, for crying out loud.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) Long hair, (although I dont know how much longer than shoulder length yours is) is part of why he likes you. Just like parts of your personality, the sound of your voice, your ambitions, stuff like that. TA you know that when people change during a relationship is when things start getting crazy. Weight gain, beliefs, short hair, dressing style. Your bf likes you how you are now, and physical attraction is part of that. Also, I would hope that if you decided NOT to cut your hair, that you wouldnt resent him for it. But only you know whether he is lying in his reaction when he says it doesnt bother him. If your hair is naturally curly, i can understand what a your it is. I also hope that you can trust him enough that if you cut your hair, he wouldnt secretly lose attraction to you, like its one of the things he holds against you. You know how little things turn you off about someone and you eventually break it off when enough of the turn offs add up? Shoulder length isnt a big deal, so I agree that if he was "in love" with you he should want to make the relationship work with shoulder length hair. (any shorter and youre pushin it) But if he isnt, youre taking a real gamble here. And it wont be the snake eyes that shows its head right away, it will creep up on you later. Might want to grill him to see if it really bugs him, make sure he wont resent you. Im sure he doesnt want you to change, at least not now. Edited July 26, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
snug.bunny Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 You can always try it and grow it back. He might decide he likes it. I had really long hair and cut off about 5 inches, it is starting to get long again and I am thinking about cutting it again, though I do get compliments with it longer, I also have with it shorter. I think guys are less focused with this sort of thing, though they still have their preference. Besides, how many times have there been when you've done something different to your look, and he goes "oh, I didn't even notice"
dispatch3d Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 do you also ask your boyfriend when you should cut your nails?
Art_Critic Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Since you're in a relationship your appearance does not only belong to you. Seriously... Of course it belongs to you and only you... any other thinking like your post would just show low self esteem. The poster LD summed it up pretty well IMO... she mentioned that she would consider her husbands opinions but the decision was still hers to make... Since he has to look at her and vise versa then the SO's opinion counts.. but it in no way means your appearance doesn't belong to you. My husband is the man who has to look at me. I ask his opinion on what I wear and hairsyles. I know it is my choice, but I value his opinion.
veggirl Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Wow. i find most of these responses to be seriously psychotic. It's a HAIRCUT. She even specified that it would not be so dramatic as going from long hair to a pixie 'do. Jesus. Do you all ask your man to pick out your outfits each day? If you can paint your fingernails? What eyeshadow to wear? I mean afterall you must look exactly how he wants at all times apparently? What if your man hates something you love? You don't get to wear/enjoy it? Or I guess maybe you can in secret or at times he is not around? Comparing a haircut to a facial tattoo is not the same.
veggirl Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 and remember how many people screamed at the guy who was upset his gf became fat? but OP can not cut her hair cause her man might not like it. So haircut=no, becoming fat=normal and okay. k.
Nexus One Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I wouldn't break up with someone over a haircut, that would just be ridiculous. Although I know of shallow guys that would. (they tend to be d*cks) I trust that OP is insightful enough to have chosen a boyfriend that wouldn't do something like that. That being said, in my opinion, VERY VERY few women are able to have short haircuts and look good in my opinion. For two reasons: 1. Some women don't realize how masculine they look with a short haircut. Men are not drawn to masculine features, but rather dislike that in a woman. Similarly when a woman is too muscular, then guys don't find that appealing. The same thing again is true when a woman walks like a man or behaves like a man, it's just not appealing. However there are women who are able to have short hair and look absolutely amazing and feminine. But those women are very beautiful to begin with and have a face that complements a short hairstyle. 2. Many women when they get a short haircut get a "wrong" one, as if their taste isn't sophisticated enough to realize that "A" it doesn't fit them and "B" the style looks horrible. Take for example the "mushroom" haircut, the short haircut that makes a woman's head look like a mushroom. For goodness sake...why. For some women their long hair is a blessing. It can make a woman more attractive to a man. Long hair on a woman can be like the feathers of a peacock. It's their pride, a symbol of femininity. Gah, I sound too serious about all of this. Don't take me too seriously, I just say what I think and talk about what I like, but that doesn't necessarily reflect the opinion of every other guy out there. Think for yourself also. Edited July 26, 2011 by Nexus One
temporaryvisa Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 The title bothers me, "I wonder if he's still find me as attractive", Dude, the answer is obv no. Not physically, he won't, because he LIKES long hair better.
zengirl Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Some women don't realize how masculine they look with a short haircut. Men are not drawn to masculine features, but rather dislike that in a woman. Similarly when a woman is too muscular, then guys don't find that appealing. The same thing again is true when a woman walks like a man or behaves like a man, it's just not appealing. However there are women who are able to have short hair and look absolutely amazing and feminine. But those women are very beautiful to begin with and have a face that complements a short hairstyle. 2. Many women when they get a short haircut get a "wrong" one, as if their taste isn't sophisticated enough to realize that "A" it doesn't fit them and "B" the style looks horrible. Take for example the "mushroom" haircut, the short haircut that makes a woman's head look like a mushroom. For goodness sake...why. She's not going to get a boyish cut if it's shoulder length. That's definitely still "girly haircut" territory. I agree that many short haircuts don't look right on many girls, but the OP seems pretty savvy about hair and beauty and I don't think necessarily gets bad haircuts. I think I also remember some pics of her that were attractive and had shorter hair. There are two kinds of "Men like long hair": 1. There's what you basically describe (long hair helps hide bad features and/or increase femininity) and 2. there's making a fetish of it. Most men I know will say most women they know look better with long hair. That's because long hair is a classic way to hide a bad face. There are plenty of shorter (even shorter than the OP is talking!) haircuts that are feminine---as in, they'd look weird on a guy---but even those don't look good on women without generally attractive faces to begin with, because long hair hides problems.
dispatch3d Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 The title bothers me, "I wonder if he's still find me as attractive", Dude, the answer is obv no. Not physically, he won't, because he LIKES long hair better. lol temporary visa dishin out the tough love hahaha. I agree though. If he says he isn't as physically attracted to short hair, then uhhhh, yeah. I mean that's pretty well all you know then.
sm1tten Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 That's because long hair is a classic way to hide a bad face. All I can picture is that chick from The Ring with her hair covering her face I look a lot different with shorter hair than longer hair. After years of wearing it straight and long, I went shorter and curly and everybody loved it... except me. I felt like it aged me. But after a while I started to really enjoy it and even consider it flattering. It definitely does matter to me that my boyfriend finds me attractive in this style. But I also briefly dated a guy who wanted me to wear my hair pink. There was no way I was going to do that. There was no compromise happening with that.
Hot Chick Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I agree with Woggle in that if a guy dumps you over hair length, then it's good riddance. If a guy would dump you over that, he'd also dump you down the road for gaining baby weight after you carried and gave birth to your child with him. He would also dump you if you got cancer and gained weight from chemo, and/or lost your hair and had to see "unattractive" physical aspects of you that cancer can cause. Do you want a guy who would leave you because you had to have a mastectomy and this turned him "off" physically to you or do you want a man who is so in love with you, he would be there by your side and love you through a medical trauma? So I say go ahead and cut it and if he's less attracted and dumps you, buy bye.
OliveOyl Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 if I cut my hair short(er). It's the longest it's been in years, but I'm not used to it at all, particularly as I'm in the habit of doing a dramatic chop in the summer months. It's a real pain in my *** sometimes. BF, like many guys, very much prefers long hair. I talked to him about possibly cutting it and I know he doesn't really want me to, but in the end said "It's yours, do what you want with it." It's not like I would get a pixie, but even just going to my shoulders would be a dramatic change at this point. I showed him pictures of me with shorter hair and he was like "Well, it's okay..." Now I'm feeling guilty about possibly doing something with MY own hair, which is MINE to do with as I like. And I do wonder if he would find me as attractive anyway, what with his preference. I'm not sure I want to take that chance, and I'm a little upset that there's even a risk of his attraction to me cooling. Some good questions...when you're in a serious relationship with someone, should you really have to consult with the other person about changing your look and take their feelings into account before you do anything? Is going off and changing your look on a whim without considering your partner considered 'selfish'? Is it 'controlling' or 'selfish' if your partner doesn't want you to change your look? I don't think it's selfish at all. But it still may have an impact. That's just a factor you want to weigh in. When you love someone you want to be attractive to them. But as well they shouldn't "control" how you look. It's a balancing act. When I was with my ex sometimes he would cut his hair in a buzz cut. I didn't like that look at all. I never really told him that I didn't like it though. I think if we had been more connected I would have let him know and he could have compromised to get a shorter but not quite so short look. He never seemed to have ANY preference as to how I wore my hair. At the time I thought it was very open-minded of him, but in retrospect I think was a red flag.
snug.bunny Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Most men I know will say most women they know look better with long hair. That's because long hair is a classic way to hide a bad face. There are plenty of shorter (even shorter than the OP is talking!) haircuts that are feminine---as in, they'd look weird on a guy---but even those don't look good on women without generally attractive faces to begin with, because long hair hides problems. What?! Wait. Do you mean, like this? http://www.coolest-homemade-costumes.com/images/coolest-cousin-it-from-the-addams-family-costume-21305637.jpg
daphne Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 That's a tough call. It's your hair. You can do what you want with it, however, there is the point that Eddie brought up that your bf was attracted to you with long hair. I used to fight it. I'd go mid long, then bob, mid long, then bob. Then one day, while I was growing it out, my then bf said "I wish you'd let it grow longer, you look much better with long hair." I gave it a shot. And I realized that when I let it grow really long, I got far more attention than I did with a bob. FAR MORE. Men love long hair. Not all, but most. I personally think I look much better with long hair. So I haven't cut it short since. But that's me. You have to do what makes you happy. Just know that there's a possibility he'll prefer you with longer hair. But I seriously doubt that he'd ever break up with you over it. That's silly.
Author tigressA Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 I'm not worried that he'll actually break up with me over it. He's not that shallow, and neither am I. I wouldn't split from him if he went bald and shaved all his chest hair, for instance (I love his chest hair ). I just wonder if he'll be as attracted to me. Maybe, maybe not. I haven't decided yet to cut my hair. I'm still mulling over it. I'm trying to decide which way looks best--short or long. I'm poring over pictures and considering the change in maintenance, etc, as well as taking BF's opinion into account. I don't take this sort of thing lightly. My hair is difficult to manage, so I have to consider all aspects before I go for a dramatic change. And I've never been in a relationship where my partner has declared a preference one way or the other, so that's something new for me to consider.
threebyfate Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Said this to you before. You look better with longer hair but a little below shoulder length would be good too.
Els Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 If you're going to change your look to something you know your partner finds unattractive or less attractive than your current look, I think they deserve a heads up. Yes, it's YOUR hair and you are free to do with it what YOU want. But I also wonder why you'd want to make yourself less attractive to your SO, especially if the change is just for comfort and ease. I mean, wearing sweats and a few extra pounds would be more comfortable and easy than the effort it takes to look good for most people... But do they do it? Hopefully not. I guess there's a balance between wanting to look good for oneself and wanting to look good for one's SO. However, here, it doesn't seem like "looking good" for your BF is even in the equation, but rather, wanting to avoid the work necessary to look good to him ("it's a pain in the ass" to have long hair). If I were your BF, I'd be a lot more comfortable with: "I know you like long hair, but I want to cut my hair because I feel much prettier when it's short." Than: "I know you like long hair, but it's too much trouble for me to look good in that way for you. So, I'm going back to what I'm used to and I'm gonna cut it." The latter sounds selfish, no? I dunno. I guess I just see things the other way round - that it would be selfish of one to expect one's SO to go through great inconvenience and discomfort just to look good for one. Of course there's a balance there - for me personally, the cut-off line lies at 'what would be acceptable in a normal workplace', ie no mohawks or gaining 300lbs or, as another poster said, a huge tattoo over his face. But I would never want a bf to, say, keep facial hair if it made him uncomfortable, just because I liked it. Because to me, his comfort is more important than a small physical preference I have. And, conversely, I would think quite poorly of a guy if he knew something would make me very uncomfortable and wanted me to do it anyway, just for the sake of his preferences. NOT saying that's what TA's bf is like - from what I've read it genuinely seems like he's just stating his preferences and saying the choice is hers. Just a response to your post, SG.
jerbear Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 It is your hair so why do you have to seek his permission? If your BF does not like it, well guess what... your hair can grow back! Heck cut it short, keep it long, get highlights! Oh, BTW, longer hair looks better on you.
Cee Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 My boyfriend gets his hair cut every six weeks and sometimes I love it and sometimes I don't. It's hair. It grows back. I'm have hair at it's maximum length and to tell you the truth, it doesn't look that amazing with the split ends and the time consuming styling. If I chopped a foot off, my boyfriend would be shocked, but he'd get over it. I know he would. Gah, I need a haircut badly. Thanks, Tigressa for reminding me of that fact. Have fun with medium length hair. Lots you can do with it.
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