jadehart Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 when you read the word "foreplay" you often think of sexual escapades, but in way im using it i mean emotional foreplay. the before the romance, before the togetherness of the two, my story starts off with my boyfriend was out of town with his family, and i inadvertently was just looking around on his facebook not necesesairly for anything in particular, but i found messages to this girl, a girl who he "used" to have romantic feelings for before he met me and he had described her as weird and obssesed with him,so therefore it made me wanna know what was being said by her to myboyfriend. well turns out she wasnt the only one showing romantic feelings, he was also telling her stuff like"he made the wrong decision with me" and how "if he only knew he had her" and "he didnt follow his heart with me just what he THOUGHT would make him happy". those words tore apart everything i had and he told me he only said stuff back to her because he didnt want her to feel bad, and yes he is the type of guy to try and make everyone feel better, but i dont understand why hed have to go to the extent of emotionaly cheating on me,but i took him back and forgived him,he has stopped all contact with this little skank and i also forgived him because i loved him, oh did i mention he also told her all this stuff on our anniversary? hmmm. but monthes after the issue i still cant erase those horrendeous words i read that day they haunt me everyday and tare me apart and it hurts. Anyways back to the real reason for explaining this i am still feeling resentful towards him, and i really wish i could move on from that incident and stop being so angry and resentful towards everything he does. so does anyone have any tips to truely forgive and forget?
Mylazycat Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 when you read the word "foreplay" you often think of sexual escapades, but in way im using it i mean emotional foreplay. the before the romance, before the togetherness of the two, my story starts off with my boyfriend was out of town with his family, and i inadvertently was just looking around on his facebook not necesesairly for anything in particular, but i found messages to this girl, a girl who he "used" to have romantic feelings for before he met me and he had described her as weird and obssesed with him,so therefore it made me wanna know what was being said by her to myboyfriend. well turns out she wasnt the only one showing romantic feelings, he was also telling her stuff like"he made the wrong decision with me" and how "if he only knew he had her" and "he didnt follow his heart with me just what he THOUGHT would make him happy". those words tore apart everything i had and he told me he only said stuff back to her because he didnt want her to feel bad, and yes he is the type of guy to try and make everyone feel better, but i dont understand why hed have to go to the extent of emotionaly cheating on me,but i took him back and forgived him,he has stopped all contact with this little skank and i also forgived him because i loved him, oh did i mention he also told her all this stuff on our anniversary? hmmm. but monthes after the issue i still cant erase those horrendeous words i read that day they haunt me everyday and tare me apart and it hurts. Anyways back to the real reason for explaining this i am still feeling resentful towards him, and i really wish i could move on from that incident and stop being so angry and resentful towards everything he does. so does anyone have any tips to truely forgive and forget? I would dump him as fast as you can.
Author jadehart Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 i wish it were that easy ya know? it's like i can really see myself with him cause he's with me everyday so theres no chance that he would have to go be around other females. and i have his facebook pass word where i can moniter things he says to anyone, its just really hard i figured i should have broke up with him on the spot but i really do love him and it makes things complicated to just end it so quickly. and this incident was like 4 monthes ago so if i broke up with him now over it. it just seems kind of stupid to me. i just wanna be able to get those words out of my head because i have such a vivid photographic memory i cant cope with my issues if its always in my head.
So Very Confused Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 i wish it were that easy ya know? it's like i can really see myself with him cause he's with me everyday so theres no chance that he would have to go be around other females. and i have his facebook pass word where i can moniter things he says to anyone, its just really hard i figured i should have broke up with him on the spot but i really do love him and it makes things complicated to just end it so quickly. and this incident was like 4 monthes ago so if i broke up with him now over it. it just seems kind of stupid to me. i just wanna be able to get those words out of my head because i have such a vivid photographic memory i cant cope with my issues if its always in my head. I think you are kidding yourself to think he'll be faithful to you. It's really easy to set up another facebook account or find another way to communicate with the other woman if he wants to. It doesn't matter if it was 4 months ago or 4 years ago, if it still hurts you, it's not stupid.
MissBee Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I think you are kidding yourself to think he'll be faithful to you. It's really easy to set up another facebook account or find another way to communicate with the other woman if he wants to. It doesn't matter if it was 4 months ago or 4 years ago, if it still hurts you, it's not stupid. Agreed and it makes no sense to be in a relationship in which you have to monitor this person's behavior, passwords etc. That is too much and a waste of time and not what relationships are about. Jade....I know you can "see yourself with him" but to be honest, almost everyone who has been in an effed up relationship thinks the SAME thing! When you're attached to someone it is often difficult to detach but don't mistake that attachment for "true love" or take it to mean you can't leave or there is nothing better. There is. Believe me.
Gentlegirl Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Am I understanding that you are still with him? He said you were a mistake. Why would you hang onto somebody who said you weren't right for him, especailly while making overtures to another woman? Don't understand. ps Men can make time for aanything if they really want to. Gentlegirl
fooled once Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 i wish it were that easy ya know? it's like i can really see myself with him cause he's with me everyday so theres no chance that he would have to go be around other females. and i have his facebook pass word where i can moniter things he says to anyone, its just really hard i figured i should have broke up with him on the spot but i really do love him and it makes things complicated to just end it so quickly. and this incident was like 4 monthes ago so if i broke up with him now over it. it just seems kind of stupid to me. i just wanna be able to get those words out of my head because i have such a vivid photographic memory i cant cope with my issues if its always in my head. How sad that you have to be with him 24/7 to make sure he doesn't cheat; that you have to have his personal facebook account password because you don't trust him. If I were him, I would run screaming from the relationship because you are acting like you own him. Guess what - if you don't trust him, you will never have a future with him. Trust is part of love and without love or trust, there is no future. Can I ask how old you are? More than likely, he will not be your last boyfriend. Since you don't trust him (and calling the old girlfriend a skank is not very nice - what did she do? HE is the one who allegedly played along --- what a joke!!!). You can't trust him. Period. Not a big deal because this isn't the last relationship you will have. Next boyfriend -- don't smother him. Don't require his passwords, don't require him to be attached to you and for goodness sake, don't snoop on his facebook or in his email. That sends a red flag that you are needy and insecure.
Author jadehart Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 i dont require him to be with me 24/7? i will let you know he chooses to be with me everyday,well im sorry and when he is sitting their calling girls"hun" "babe" in plain sight on like photos which comes up to my news feed im going to look and be suspicious.ill let you know he gave me his passworrd i not once required to have it,and he has mine, just sayin, i dont smother him, and yes it is kinda skanky when some chick, he didnt date or anything is sitting their knowing hes in a relationship saying all this stuff, so excuse me its disrespectful, and yes skanky. i dont ever smother him its his choice to come over everyday and spend every second he can with me,i tell him to go out with some friends and he just denies it and says i dont want to, so dont make assumptions im smothering him when you dont know the whole fundementals of the relationship.
spice4life Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 i dont require him to be with me 24/7? i will let you know he chooses to be with me everyday,well im sorry and when he is sitting their calling girls"hun" "babe" in plain sight on like photos which comes up to my news feed im going to look and be suspicious.ill let you know he gave me his passworrd i not once required to have it,and he has mine, just sayin, i dont smother him, and yes it is kinda skanky when some chick, he didnt date or anything is sitting their knowing hes in a relationship saying all this stuff, so excuse me its disrespectful, and yes skanky. i dont ever smother him its his choice to come over everyday and spend every second he can with me,i tell him to go out with some friends and he just denies it and says i dont want to, so dont make assumptions im smothering him when you dont know the whole fundementals of the relationship. You are in the wrong forum with this thread, it belongs in the Infidelity Forum. Its funny that you are calling her a skank and "he" is the one who lied to you. He probably lied to her too.
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Author jadehart Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 noo he wasnt the skanky one although what he did wasnt so wonderful i think the girl was skanky, she started the whole conversation of their "feelings" but yeah things have been pretty good lately though, but if something else comes up i told him most definately i was done with it. that way it gives me time to prepare and know what i need to do if it happens again i mean that whole situation just was sprung on me i didnt know what to do
fooled once Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 noo he wasnt the skanky one although what he did wasnt so wonderful i think the girl was skanky, she started the whole conversation of their "feelings" but yeah things have been pretty good lately though, but if something else comes up i told him most definately i was done with it. that way it gives me time to prepare and know what i need to do if it happens again i mean that whole situation just was sprung on me i didnt know what to do Come on...HE responded to her. HE told her "he made the wrong decision with me" and how "if he only knew he had her" and "he didnt follow his heart with me just what he THOUGHT would make him happy"" so instead of bashing this other girl, turn your anger where it should be --- on HIM. He is supposed to be your BF, not her. HE encouraged her and HE responded to her. Just because she spoke to him first .. oh for heavens sake... this is like junior high! You posted the below... "my story starts off with my boyfriend was out of town with his family, and i inadvertently was just looking around on his facebook not necesesairly for anything in particular, but i found messages to this girl, a girl who he "used" to have romantic feelings for before he met me and he had described her as weird and obssesed with him,so therefore it made me wanna know what was being said by her to myboyfriend. " ** So you were on HIS facebook and snooped. Something MADE you snoop. SOMETHING told you he wasn't trustworthy. I can honestly tell you I have NEVER EVER logged into my H's facebook. NEVER. I have no reason to. "well turns out she wasnt the only one showing romantic feelings, he was also telling her stuff like"he made the wrong decision with me" and how "if he only knew he had her" and "he didnt follow his heart with me just what he THOUGHT would make him happy". **Yep, he ENCOURAGED this allegedly "obsessed" former girlfriend. Doesn't smell right. "those words tore apart everything i had and he told me he only said stuff back to her because he didnt want her to feel bad, and yes he is the type of guy to try and make everyone feel better, but i dont understand why hed have to go to the extent of emotionaly cheating on me," **Oh yes, poor innocent boyfriend He is a people pleaser and doesn't want to hurt her feelings. If she wanted to have sex with him, would he say no, since he likes to make people feel better?? "but i took him back and forgived him,he has stopped all contact with this little skank and i also forgived him because i loved him, oh did i mention he also told her all this stuff on our anniversary? hmmm. but monthes after the issue i still cant erase those horrendeous words i read that day they haunt me everyday and tare me apart and it hurts. Anyways back to the real reason for explaining this i am still feeling resentful towards him, and i really wish i could move on from that incident and stop being so angry and resentful towards everything he does. **She isn't a skank. She is a woman who spoke to an old boyfriend who told her he made a mistake being with you. How is she the skank? HE is! He was the one in a relationship with you; not her. YOU chose to take him back, which means you are okay with how the situation was resolved. Therefore, you have to let it go. You can't keep complaining about it because by accepting him back into your life/bed, you have told him "I forgive you". it isn't fair of you to continue to be resentful about everything he does. Quite frankly, if I was him, I would break up with you because you say one thing (forgive him) and then are resentful and angry. If you really did forgive him, you wouldn't be obsessed with all this still. So that tells me you haven't forgiven him. How often have you checked his facebook since this incident? Do you know if he made up another facebook page and blocked you from seeing it? You don't trust him. No one here can make you less angry or resentful. That comes from within you.
Author jadehart Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Come on...HE responded to her. HE told her "he made the wrong decision with me" and how "if he only knew he had her" and "he didnt follow his heart with me just what he THOUGHT would make him happy"" so instead of bashing this other girl, turn your anger where it should be --- on HIM. He is supposed to be your BF, not her. HE encouraged her and HE responded to her. Just because she spoke to him first .. oh for heavens sake... this is like junior high! You posted the below... "my story starts off with my boyfriend was out of town with his family, and i inadvertently was just looking around on his facebook not necesesairly for anything in particular, but i found messages to this girl, a girl who he "used" to have romantic feelings for before he met me and he had described her as weird and obssesed with him,so therefore it made me wanna know what was being said by her to myboyfriend. " ** So you were on HIS facebook and snooped. Something MADE you snoop. SOMETHING told you he wasn't trustworthy. I can honestly tell you I have NEVER EVER logged into my H's facebook. NEVER. I have no reason to. "well turns out she wasnt the only one showing romantic feelings, he was also telling her stuff like"he made the wrong decision with me" and how "if he only knew he had her" and "he didnt follow his heart with me just what he THOUGHT would make him happy". **Yep, he ENCOURAGED this allegedly "obsessed" former girlfriend. Doesn't smell right. "those words tore apart everything i had and he told me he only said stuff back to her because he didnt want her to feel bad, and yes he is the type of guy to try and make everyone feel better, but i dont understand why hed have to go to the extent of emotionaly cheating on me," **Oh yes, poor innocent boyfriend He is a people pleaser and doesn't want to hurt her feelings. If she wanted to have sex with him, would he say no, since he likes to make people feel better?? "but i took him back and forgived him,he has stopped all contact with this little skank and i also forgived him because i loved him, oh did i mention he also told her all this stuff on our anniversary? hmmm. but monthes after the issue i still cant erase those horrendeous words i read that day they haunt me everyday and tare me apart and it hurts. Anyways back to the real reason for explaining this i am still feeling resentful towards him, and i really wish i could move on from that incident and stop being so angry and resentful towards everything he does. **She isn't a skank. She is a woman who spoke to an old boyfriend who told her he made a mistake being with you. How is she the skank? HE is! He was the one in a relationship with you; not her. YOU chose to take him back, which means you are okay with how the situation was resolved. Therefore, you have to let it go. You can't keep complaining about it because by accepting him back into your life/bed, you have told him "I forgive you". it isn't fair of you to continue to be resentful about everything he does. Quite frankly, if I was him, I would break up with you because you say one thing (forgive him) and then are resentful and angry. If you really did forgive him, you wouldn't be obsessed with all this still. So that tells me you haven't forgiven him. How often have you checked his facebook since this incident? Do you know if he made up another facebook page and blocked you from seeing it? You don't trust him. No one here can make you less angry or resentful. That comes from within you. well i have checked it now and then but now i really do trust him and rarely go on unless were posting "i love you" statuses on each others, and im not resentful as much as i cant erase the words out of my mind and it is skanky she never was with him at al they one "talked" i guess you can say, i forgive him yet i cant stop how it hurt me, you can forgive but not forget, it hurts me that he did this and it crosses my mind sometimes and its ver painful, and i said i only logged on is because he was on there "flirting" and calling girls "hun" and stuff like that so i figured if hes going to do something thst blunt and in my face, he obviously would be "talking" to girls like that but worse then what was publically displayed like the comments and the romantic name calling. i could understand an old girlfriend telling him that but the fact is they didnt even get further than "i like you" they never went out or anything. so obviously monthes after she was out of his life romantically she should be over the fact they were going to be. i find it so much more skanky and disrespectful for a girl to do this to another gir i mean i would never by any chance NEVER tell a guy my feelings if he was in a relationship. i dont know if you guys know what i mean but its just respect and skanky to go and try and do that and yes its very skanky of him to reply and egg her on .i do forgive him and we have gotten past of it but there is something in me subconciously or whatever that always gets my mind on that. it hurt so bad and my wonderful memory can read out each word so vividly. i mean i even dream at night about him leaving me and stuff cause obviously my subconcious mind is on it still.
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