wreckedhero Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 We have been broken up now since the end of April. The most we have gone without contact is a week both of us breaking it. I wrote her a letter telling her I loved her and she told me she didnt feel the same way. Anyway I went on holiday returning last Wednesday and suddenly my ex texts me and it's like we are back to normal. She's nice. We go out on Saturday and we have a kiss and a cuddle. I text her asking her whether or not we will get back together. She tells me there's a chance but not to get my hopes up. Fast forward to Sunday. She texts me straight away when she wakes up and we have a chat on the phone. Then she just goes cold on me. I don't know why. So in order to find out I have texted her about 15 times since then receiving only 2 texts one of which was telling me that she would get in touch with me yesterday night. One of these texts was me telling her I could'nt be friends with her as it hurt too much and if we arent getting back together then that's it between us. She replies looks like we arent friends then. I then panic and start sending her loads of texts asking whether she will come for a meal with me on Friday and that I need to know where I stand with regards to the relationship and her feelings for me. I then apologised for sending so many texts last night but still no answer. How do I get this girl back? I wish she would just tell me she has no feelings me and that I should leave her alone. Then I would'nt contact her and I could get on with my life. But the fact she's still receptive to having a relationship possibly means I have a permanent butterfly in my stomach. I just get a compulsion to keep on texting her telling her how I feel and I know it's a bad idea. Anyway what should my plan of action be now? I want us to go back to how we were last week but then she suddenly went cold. Shall I wait for her to text me first however long that waits and never bring up the issue of a relationship again? I feel like crap everytime it seems I am getting somewhere she goes cold on me so it's like repeating the pain all the time. Plus she tells me one of her ex's has been ringing her so that's made me even more worried. Please give me some advice. I want her to want me but I also think if she doesnt she shouldn't tease me like this and give me false hope. I really want to text her and can't stop looking at my phone. At the moment I am really hating her. How hard is it to answer a question about her feelings for me and whether or not she wants to go out with me for a meal on Friday? Help please I need a plan of action.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Help!!!!!!!!!!! Just want to stop feeling bad
69ways Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 We have been broken up now since the end of April. The most we have gone without contact is a week both of us breaking it. I wrote her a letter telling her I loved her and she told me she didnt feel the same way. Anyway I went on holiday returning last Wednesday and suddenly my ex texts me and it's like we are back to normal. She's nice. We go out on Saturday and we have a kiss and a cuddle. I text her asking her whether or not we will get back together. She tells me there's a chance but not to get my hopes up. Fast forward to Sunday. She texts me straight away when she wakes up and we have a chat on the phone. Then she just goes cold on me. I don't know why. So in order to find out I have texted her about 15 times since then receiving only 2 texts one of which was telling me that she would get in touch with me yesterday night. One of these texts was me telling her I could'nt be friends with her as it hurt too much and if we arent getting back together then that's it between us. She replies looks like we arent friends then. I then panic and start sending her loads of texts asking whether she will come for a meal with me on Friday and that I need to know where I stand with regards to the relationship and her feelings for me. I then apologised for sending so many texts last night but still no answer. How do I get this girl back? I wish she would just tell me she has no feelings me and that I should leave her alone. Then I would'nt contact her and I could get on with my life. But the fact she's still receptive to having a relationship possibly means I have a permanent butterfly in my stomach. I just get a compulsion to keep on texting her telling her how I feel and I know it's a bad idea. Anyway what should my plan of action be now? I want us to go back to how we were last week but then she suddenly went cold. Shall I wait for her to text me first however long that waits and never bring up the issue of a relationship again? I feel like crap everytime it seems I am getting somewhere she goes cold on me so it's like repeating the pain all the time. Plus she tells me one of her ex's has been ringing her so that's made me even more worried. Please give me some advice. I want her to want me but I also think if she doesnt she shouldn't tease me like this and give me false hope. I really want to text her and can't stop looking at my phone. At the moment I am really hating her. How hard is it to answer a question about her feelings for me and whether or not she wants to go out with me for a meal on Friday? Help please I need a plan of action. i would cancel the thoughts about the meal and go into NC. its clear she is playing with you man, smell the roses. she tells you about her ex to make you jealous . dont fall for it. go NC, trust me........she is just coming back to ensure her ego and that she has you in her net. if you break away now , theres a chance of her going into panik mode and wanting you back
Kilty Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Now is the time to let go and move on buddy. You have done and said all you can If there was anything more you could do i would tell you. The only chance now is to go completely no contact as anything further is going to drive her further away. No contact will possible get her thinking as to why it has stopped But you have sent too many texts now and you will have come across as needy/desperate which no woman likes. This is why you have to stop it Anytime you feel like breaking no contact remember to yourself that to do so lessens the chance of reconciliation. Only she can decide to come back now and you can do nothing regarding her seeing someone else - in fact you can only push her into someones arms by keeping on with the pestering and trying to get her back. You have to give up. let go, sit back and do nothing although it will be painful You must also ignore any contact from her unless it's an outright apology and confession of her love for you and how much she wants you back Anything less is breadcrumbs and you will just end up back to where you are now - limbo If you do contact her again expect no sympathy Sorry
radiodarcy Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 this is called stringing someone along. and by continuing to text/contact her you are allowing her to do so which is only prolonging your anxiety and pain. i realize this is easier said than done but you simply have to stop. don't wait for her to contact you. contact you for what? it's clear she's not going to tell you want you want to hear. she's simply going to allow you to think that she's going to do. if she wanted to be with you she would have said so by now. actions speak louder than words and it doesn't sound like she's saying all that much to begin with. she just likes knowing she has you in her pocket as a back up in case this other guy doesn't work out. the ex did this to me for two and half years. he strung me along - - saying he wasn't ready for a relationship, etc. and when he finally said he was ready for a relationship it wasnt with me - - he joined a dating website and lined up several dates to find "the one". i went NC soon after and am feeling much better but i do regret that it got to that point and that i didn't walk sooner and of my own volition. i would strongly urge you not to make the same mistake i did. go NC. no - - it's not a quick fix but if you give it time it will give you the piece of mind you desperately need right now.
69ways Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 so my friend you got three answers along the same line , so you know what to do. its all up to you.
Graceful Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I'll keep this very short. You keep doing the same thing over and over, and you have no one to blame but YOURSELF for the pain you are causing to yourself. It's not her responsibility. She's a twit who has you wrapped around her little finger and you are allowing yourself to be jerked around to the point where you are acting just as ridiculously as she is. What's the mystery here? There is none. You're making something out of nothing. She's a twit who likes jerking you around because - she - can. You allow this nonsense. How hard is it to answer a question about dinner? It's not hard. Not at all. You're the one that's making this hard. If you don't see that, nothing anyone here can say to you is going to help. You either let go and WALK AWAY for the last time, keep NC and cut her loose, or see yourself on this treadmill as a matter and action of your own doing. Your choice. And no -- there is not hope for making it work with this girl. None. And I stand by that, so if you make it work, then write to me in 6 months and let me know and I'll be the first to congratulate you and admit I was wrong. How do I get this girl back? I wish she would just tell me she has no feelings me and that I should leave her alone. You can't. She did tell you she has no feelings for you. She's told you via her actions. Stand up for yourself. Why do you need her to beat you into the ground any more than she already has? Leave her alone. Done and done.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Does no contact work though? She will just think I am sulking. And the ex has a girlfriend and she tells me she would never go back with him. She's messed with my head big style. Will this feeling go away? No contact scares me as she might forget about me. I just don't get why she's stringing me along. She must have some sort of feelings for me as she get's close to me again via texts, doesnt want me seeing other women but then get's cold again. If she just told me she didnt want me I wouldnt text her. And with regards to being needy and desperate? How do I change this image in her mind? Could it also be possible that 6 months down the line I could text her again to try and facilitate a reconciliation? Or is it completely down to her?
Kilty Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Does no contact work though? She will just think I am sulking. And the ex has a girlfriend and she tells me she would never go back with him. She's messed with my head big style. Will this feeling go away? No contact scares me as she might forget about me. I just don't get why she's stringing me along. She must have some sort of feelings for me as she get's close to me again via texts, doesnt want me seeing other women but then get's cold again. If she just told me she didnt want me I wouldnt text her. And with regards to being needy and desperate? How do I change this image in her mind? Could it also be possible that 6 months down the line I could text her again to try and facilitate a reconciliation? Or is it completely down to her? The fact that you are asking this shows that your emotions are running riot and ruling your thought process She's messed with my head big style - Bingo - why you interested in someone like that I just dont get why she is stringing me along - read some of the replies above - cos she can and you let her She must have some sort of feelings for me - Really - treating you like crap and stringing you along. Some feelings - and NEVER try and assume what someone else feels If she just told me she didnt want me i wouldnt text her - erm she already has - both in words and actions You want to read into it and believe maybe she is unsure or doesnt know what she wants. Even if that was true she has to come to these decisions on her own. You are not a salesman How do i change the image in her mind of not being needy - DONT CONTACT HER - simple Could it be possible that 6 months down the line i could text her again and try and facilitate a reconciliation ????????? Sigh - do you have balls ? Do you think she is the only girl in the world that will ever interest you ? What if Jessica Alba phoned you up ? Did you even read anything me or the others have said ? Can you look back and even see how stoopid that last question is buddy ? Get some self respect - you are a MAN You have done all the chasing required - let it go For the final time - she has to be the one that initiates any reconciliation now - NOT YOU And if she misses you when you stop contacting her then she wasnt the one for you Think about it
radiodarcy Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 no contact works in so far as you make it work for you. that is - - if you want to make the pain go away. it's supposed to help you take the focus off of her and place it on you and your healing. right now you are much too focused on her and her motivations. as long as you continue to be this way she is going to continue to string you along and you will be in more pain. as Graceful said this is entirely up to you. by staying wired into her by continuing to contact her and speculating as to her actions and feelings for you, you are continuing to allow her to delay making any kind of decision about her feelings for you. her not wanting you to see other women is her being selfish. if you meet someone else you won't be catering to her anymore. if anything, she's afraid that you will forget about her. and quite honestly, you'd be better off if you did. she's never going to give you the stable secure relationship you want. you've proven to her that when she calls you'll jump. that's all she needs to know. she just wants to use you in the interim to boost her ego until someone else comes along.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Cool i wont contact her again then. This is my first love, thats why its been hard to walk away and why i get excited when she texts. So just to reiterate I have to ignore everything she says apart from her saying she wants me back? This is going to be hard and I just hope I have the strength to do it. I should do because I eventually want her to think that I've stopped feeling for her. Who knows maybe she will miss me and want me back but hopefully by then I'll have recuperated. She isnt good for me and if she truly wanted me back she would have said. Now I know why she was nice when I returned off holiday. She was scared I had forgotten about her and she needs that ego boost I provide. She get's the ego boost, I get encouraged and come on strong thinking there's a chance and boom she will go quiet for a week or so until she thinks I may have began to forget about her or if she is bored and needs a spare minute filling up. It's quite obvious and it's a vicious circle. There's no chance I can be friends without my heart breaking everytime I see her and I think I should use the fact that she has said we can maybe get back together and the fact that she hasn't replied to me taking her out for a meal as an incentive not to text her. She's playing games and they hurt. A nice person would just leave me alone and not tease me like she has. Contact ends now. If a reconciliation would have happened it would have happened by now. If I'm honest I think she's just using me as a stopgap until she meets someone else and I'm no longer prepared to be used like that. Everything's on her terms and i've had enough. Harsh but I'm jsut going to assume she's met someone else and that should be enough not to text her. I'll see through her niceties next time. I'll keep people posted on what she texts and whether I should ignore it but I probably will. If she liked me she would let me take her for a meal. Who wouldnt go out for a meal with someone they liked? That small essay should be enough motivation to deal with it.
fetish1980 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 sorry to add to you pain, but the excessive texting is making you look pretty desperate. Trust me, she's not going to miss you or even want to check on you as long as you're doing what you're doing. Graceful hit it on the head, you asked via text message for her to just tell you straight out that she had no feelings for me. She already did. Why do you want to hear that twice? That's just putting you be back in pain all over again . I know how difficult it is to accept someone you still love going through their "falling out of love with you" phase. That's when i've found that learning to love yourself is more important. When me and my gf broke up, i had forgotten how to love myself. It was almost like learning how to walk again. Here it is 5 months (almost 6) in to my breakup, and i'm feeling much better about myself, although there are some days where i still miss what i thought we had. Your only option is NC right now. Yes NC works for you, which is who it's really intended for. It doesn't really work if your whole intent is to get her back. fetish
Author wreckedhero Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Just a question for my peace of mind. My last texts had a desperate twinge to them. So how long hypothetically speaking would it take for her to "realise" I have forgotten about her even if I haven't? Not that I think a reconciliation would be possible, but I would like her to think that I no longer long for her and I am no longer desperate for her to love me back? So how long should that take? I just want her to stop thinking I am desperate and needy in her own mind
Author wreckedhero Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) sorry to add to you pain, but the excessive texting is making you look pretty desperate. Trust me, she's not going to miss you or even want to check on you as long as you're doing what you're doing. Graceful hit it on the head, you asked via text message for her to just tell you straight out that she had no feelings for me. She already did. Why do you want to hear that twice? That's just putting you be back in pain all over again . I know how difficult it is to accept someone you still love going through their "falling out of love with you" phase. That's when i've found that learning to love yourself is more important. When me and my gf broke up, i had forgotten how to love myself. It was almost like learning how to walk again. Here it is 5 months (almost 6) in to my breakup, and i'm feeling much better about myself, although there are some days where i still miss what i thought we had. Your only option is NC right now. Yes NC works for you, which is who it's really intended for. It doesn't really work if your whole intent is to get her back. fetish Well to defend myself she did say on Saturday night that there was a chance we could get back together so that is a mixed signal. Plus when I did write that letter she responded with "i'm not looking for someone now but it will probably be you when I am looking for a relationship and that my love for you could grow" But yeah thanks for the advice. It's just hard at the moment. Every text I get I want it to be her and plus we work at the same place so I have to see her regularly. Different shifts so I dont have to talk to her but there's no doubt I will find out when she does meet someone which I am preparing for but I know is going to hurt so much. I might try and find a new job so I don't have to go through that pain. Better to be ignorant and oblivious to what she's doing. The reason I havent properly gone no contact is the realisation that she wouldnt care that much when I don't contact her. We will see now I intend to go no contact. There's still hope that she wants me back and i#m sorry that's going to be hard to let go of but I doubt it. Edited July 26, 2011 by wreckedhero
fetish1980 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) Well to defend myself she did say on Saturday night that there was a chance we could get back together so that is a mixed signal. Plus when I did write that letter she responded with "i'm not looking for someone now but it will probably be you when I am looking for a relationship and that my love for you could grow" But yeah thanks for the advice. It's just hard at the moment. Every text I get I want it to be her and plus we work at the same place so I have to see her regularly. Different shifts so I dont have to talk to her but there's no doubt I will find out when she does meet someone which I am preparing for but I know is going to hurt so much. I might try and find a new job so I don't have to go through that pain. Better to be ignorant and oblivious to what she's doing. The reason I havent properly gone no contact is the realisation that she wouldnt care that much when I don't contact her. We will see now I intend to go no contact. There's still hope that she wants me back and i#m sorry that's going to be hard to let go of but I doubt it. you're all good bro. you're going through step one of the process. we all go through it after a break up or not wanting to accept things as ending. More than likely, one day , once you stop doing that, she'll start to wonder what happened and she'll miss it. But like i said earlier, NC, is really for you. Don't rely on her "maybe" text she gave you on saturday. "Maybe there's a chance we could get back together" sounds like it could be 1 month, many years from now, or never. Either way, don't sit around and wait on that bro. You need something more solid. I'm sorry to say it but, that doesn't sound too promising. I told my ex something like that several months ago and i really don't have any intention on going back with her right now. There's just too many issues that i have found out that i'm better off without. I know the pain is alot to bear in a time like this, but once you get through it, you'll feel like a newer and stronger man. fetish Edited July 26, 2011 by fetish1980
Author wreckedhero Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Yep time to accept that she doesnt me in that way. No doubt she finds me attractive and enjoys my company but she doesnt love me so there's no point prolonging the hurt. I know what I need to do. Do I tell her I'm going no contact when she texts or does that defeat the purpose. I know she wont text that much. When I went a week's no contact she sent two texts and I relented. She rang me for 2 minutes and that was that until I texted her again 5 days later. No contact has to be longer than a week surely for it to have a lasting effect i.e. healing and making sure that she thinks I'm over her?
sleepykitten Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Hi wrecked hero-how are you doing? I just read your post, and replies today and was wondering if you are still nc? Yes to your question nc needs to be more than a week...but it also isnt a tool to get her back, its for you to heal and pick yourself up off the floor, gain some strength and move forward. This girl sounds like she is playing you big time! No one wants someone who is weak and easy and desperate, and although you may not be those things constanly giving in to her, jumping at her every word or text will make you seem it. Her ego will want you back when you are nc so be careful otherwise you will be back to square one and it will be worse. She is not used to you taking a stand and being absent during this break up. Block her from fb too! I was a total mess when my bf left, i went nc, the 2 weeks i was nc the first was awful the second better, then i text him happy bday, he text back and said he had been struggling so much these past 2 weeks, more than normal and he didnt know why. I know why, its becasue he didnt have any e mails, texts etc from me to stroke his ego and make him think he still had me where he wants me. And you know what, i wouldnt take him back at all, but 6 weeks ago i would have only because i wanted the awful rejection, pain etc to stop. Stay strong, hit the gym, see friends, better yourself, do all the things you want to do for you, trust us all when we say this really helps. Doesnt feel like it know but its good medicine. And listen to Homebrew and Wilsonx on here too.
radiodarcy Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Cool i wont contact her again then. This is my first love, thats why its been hard to walk away and why i get excited when she texts. ....She isnt good for me and if she truly wanted me back she would have said. Now I know why she was nice when I returned off holiday. She was scared I had forgotten about her and she needs that ego boost I provide. She get's the ego boost, I get encouraged and come on strong thinking there's a chance and boom she will go quiet for a week or so until she thinks I may have began to forget about her or if she is bored and needs a spare minute filling up. It's quite obvious and it's a vicious circle. There's no chance I can be friends without my heart breaking everytime I see her and I think I should use the fact that she has said we can maybe get back together and the fact that she hasn't replied to me taking her out for a meal as an incentive not to text her. She's playing games and they hurt. A nice person would just leave me alone and not tease me like she has. Contact ends now. If a reconciliation would have happened it would have happened by now. If I'm honest I think she's just using me as a stopgap until she meets someone else and I'm no longer prepared to be used like that. Everything's on her terms and i've had enough. Harsh but I'm jsut going to assume she's met someone else and that should be enough not to text her. I'll see through her niceties next time. I'll keep people posted on what she texts and whether I should ignore it but I probably will. If she liked me she would let me take her for a meal. Who wouldnt go out for a meal with someone they liked? That small essay should be enough motivation to deal with it. i understand this all too well. the ex was my first love as well. and even though there were several red flags, i still hung in there for two and half years because i loved him so and it hurt too much to admit it. and yes, he treated me the same as your ex as well - - kept me on the back burner, told me about the other girls he was talking to/hanging out with, was distant one minute; attentive and chatty the next. i wish i could say i was the one who walked but he did. no matter though, i have been NC for five months and am feeling much better. i still miss him but not as much as i used to. i know now i am better off without him. and there is no way i would consider being his friend again. too much has happened and after the way he treated me, i now realize he was no kind of friend to me at all. it does take time, but you will come to the same conclusion about your ex as well. and be much better off for it
Author wreckedhero Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Just been texted. It wasnt an answer to my question about a meal tomorrw night it was her informing me off my "friend" and her ex, the one who she's back in contact with texting her for my number. What an utterly pointless text designed to wind me up. I'm not going to bite and reply. 3 days no contact nearly and I'm not breaking it for that. Going out tomorrow night. I know I don't have the willpower when under the influence not to text her so phone is staying at home. I just know she is going to be cruel and notify me of her and her ex going out and you know what. She will probably do it indirectly through mutual friends at work. Like I said when we went out on Saturday night she was notifying me of him contacting her asking her whether he could come out with her. And it hurts. I admit it makes me very jealous
immitable Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 the reason she contacted you after you came back from holiday is because she began to miss you. She also wanted to check if anything changed or if you've changed. You should have played hard to getat first. She likes you but you need to be more of a challenge to her.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Does that mean just staying no contact and ignoring her in order to be more of a challenge? I'm not sure I would get back with her now anyway. She obviously doesnt care about my feelings. She doesnt reply to my text about going out for a meal but she texts me to tell me that my friend had asked her for my number. Thats cruel and suggests to me that she doesnt have feelings for me so I'm just going to ignore her from now and see what happens.
immitable Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I don't think that it is over but again I don't want to give you false hope. Do you want her? Is so than she is worth fighting for. Contact her than cool off and again, surprise her, or try making her jealous maybe, she likes playing games - it obviously turns her on. Don't be honest and upfront immediately; Tell sweet lies to her, she maybe wants to be seduced by you again, get some tips from female friends, play hard to get sometimes, intrigue is what she wants. Just my 2 cents, but I could be wrong of course.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 I've tried all that. Ive told her lies when complimenting her. She knows that other women have taken an interest in me. Yes it's true that I get encouraged when she texts me and that it hurts when she goes cold on me. I just think going no contact is the best way. Then I will represent a challenge to her. The most i've gone without contacting her is a week. When I manage a month maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised but after her last text to me which blatantly says that she'll text her ex but not answer my questions suggests to me that she has no feelings for me. I've done all I can, it's all down to her now.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 But I also have a feeling that she might be reconnecting with her ex so if I take the poster's advice above I'm just setting myself up for a fall, possibly stroking her ego whilst the two of them laugh at me? Say if she did want me back and I would have to think about that seriously if she did wont no contact and ignoring her texts make her want me back rather than having to text her back and play games?
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