Minds Going Crazy?!

[PeterLove]

Hi guys.

 

I'll cut straight to the case.

 

Me an my girlfriend have been together for 4-5 years now. I love her dearly. She is my world. We love together and have done for some time. She recently went on her 1st holiday without me which I had no objections with as i trust her fully. While she was away I booked a trip to Paris. We always said we should go, we came close once but pulled out as I was tight for cash. I booked it as I felt I can afford it so why not.

 

Since she returned thinks have been 'meh'. I hug her and she doesn't hug me back sometimes. We talk as normal and we joke as normal. I fear maybe she has had enough of me. Maybe she feels I take her for granted, which I'm honest I do. Maybe I don't show her enough affection as I should. I have a feeling she's gonna leave me. I don't know why i just have it. I'm scared to ask much as i naturally feel sick cause I care so much. I did ask if all is ok she said yes. I take it no further. I trust her. I did the bad thing an have gone throu msgs, which I shouldn't, and although i trust her I couldn't avoid myself from doing it. One said she is thinking of leaving me and it's got me worried. I already asked is she ok etc and she said yea so as stated above I didn't ask anymore. She talks about her holiday a lot and I sometimes see updates on Facebook that confuse me (I hate fb btw). We go on holiday together with another couple in 2-3 weeks for 10nights and I almost feel like that could be our last time together.

 

Let me clear one thing up, we are not arguing and we are not fighting. She doesn't know I've seen the msg (wish I hadn't) so I'm trying to go by that and be as normal to her as possible. Obviously not being with her for a week whilst she's abroad wakes anyone up, I felt lost at times when she wasn't around, I just missed having her here at home.

 

The past couple of evenings together have been ok and nice. We have just chilled, listen to music and talk about everything and anything. She cooked dinner the other night I was going to yesterday but she wasn't hungry. I went to hug her and didn't really get anything back she almost make it 'funny' in pretending she didn't want to.

 

What do I do? The idea of losing her kills me. I can't eat or sleep worrying. I feel paranoid. She is my world. Losing her is un-thinkable. We talk as normal and joke around and have penciled in plans here and there (including a trip to her folks).

 

I leant in for a peck on the lips and she gave me one. Later she lent in to give me one as I did a favour so she said thanks. And the same earlier today. I lent in said gave me one an again it wasn't like she didn't want to but I don't think it would of bothered her if I didn't go in for it. I got a little more confused the other morning when I left for work before her and I said I love you, and if my hearing is correct (and I'm not hearing voices yet) she said "I love you too, see ya!"

 

I've spoken to a friend about how I'm feeling and he tried his best to clear my head. He said to go for the trip let her know shes special etc. He also said if she didn't want to be with you she would be gone by now and wouldn't stick around.

 

Do I do the big thing and carry on and make it work. Please her and make her smile. Show her I do care and show her that attention she deserves. If so help me in how! She doesn't like romance (flowers etc).

 

The trip to Paris. How do I tell her? Will that help things? Will it make it worse? How do I get THAT SPARK BACK? HOW DO I SHAVE US?

 

Sorry for the rambling and the fact the message is all over the place it just I'M SO CONFUSED AND SCARED!

 

Regards,

 

Peter S. Love

[Andy_K]

Without knowing *why* she's thinking of leaving you, you could very well end up going in the wrong direction.

 

What if she's not feeling a lack of affection, but just feeling 'bored' and guilty she doesn't feel the same way you do? If that's the case, any attention & romance on your part will just push her further away.

 

She's only going to be honest and tell you what's wrong in one of two circumstances:

1) She's already made up her mind to leave you, and nothing will change it.

2) She believes you're strong enough to handle the truth without blowing up in either tears or rage.

 

If you want to find out what's wrong and fix it before too late (if it isn't already), you need to show her you're someone who can handle the truth, and fast.

[Lisa_H]

A tough situation for you. Since she is not opening up to you how she feels, it is hard to say what you should do to "fix" it.

 

Maybe she doesn't even know for sure what she wants.

 

You need to reflect back on the beginning of your relationship and remember what attracted her to you - what kind of things did she say, like or mention about you that made you special.

 

Then -- you need to be that man again.

 

Women can only truly love a man when they respect him - have you done something to lose respect from her?

 

Gain the respect back, be the strong, stable man she wants and still be gentle and affectionate. If you are too pushy and clingy it will only drive her away, but you still need to let her know you love and appreciate her.

[morethanconfused]

I don’t want to ask such private question but from experience I know that it can be important and a sign how things may really are. Do you still have sex? I know that after 5 years your sex life might have changed a bit and that it’s probably less than it was in the beginning. But if she doesn’t even hug you I am wondering what she does when it comes to sex? Is she still interested in having sex with you? Does she make the first step or is she just doing it because you started it?

 

You don’t have to answer these questions if don’t feel comfortable with it but like I said if a girl stops having sex with someone (health problems and such excepted)it can be a sign that something might be wrong in the relationship and that her feelings for you might have changed. That still doesn’t mean that she will leave you but it means that you definitely have to work on your relationship and an honest talk is the first step and the most important thing. Tell her how you feel and that you recognized that she has changed. Ask her how she feels and for the reasons. Don’t just stop asking because you might be afraid of her answers. You can’t change anything if you don’t know what the problem is.