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after the ending of an affair---what is going on


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Posted

To make a long story short me and a lady became involved with each other..we were going out together for appx 2 years and broke up in 4 months ago...she told me she was not feeling it with anymore and wanted to date other guys---- I tried to convince her not to break up and how I feel about her but the break went ahead....she started blocking my calls and ignoring me at the gym and other places where we bump into each other....so then I just started concentrating on my own life...she keeps on calling now and again and we also met a couple of times...everytime I would end up feeling attracted to her and I would hug her, kiss her cheek , rub her legs and then in the end she would say that I am only here as a friend.....and that she needs to date other guys

 

Two weeks ago I told her that it is fine with me if she wants to date other guys and I will also start dating other girls who I have been holding off on---

 

The next day I see her and she tells me that she is not going out with any other guys and is not even talking to any other guy..she says she really needs a long time to think about what to do about me and her...

 

I see her again the next day in the mall and she wants to have coffee...at coffee she tells me how great I look...I was being very friendly and casual with her and not pushing it at all..

 

My gut feeling is that she is only being like this because I mentioned I have other options...

 

I do want to rekindle my relationship with her but I am also scared ...does she want to be with me because of me or because of me having options..she says she wants to be friends with me

 

Is this jealousy or is it because my attitude is different and she finds that attractive...she has not made any comments about us but her attitude is a little positive towards me...

 

 

I will admit the break was because I was not being very attentive to her and was acting like a wuss...

 

What is the safest way to proceed without getting hurt again...my gut instinct is to keep dating other girls...I am still hurting a little from the break up --but soing much better than before---

 

Ps: she would keep calling every 7-10 days during the last 4 months...she just wanted to catch up or something like that....I would love to have some insight into what is going on in this womans mind....

Posted

Hard to say what's going on in her mind but if you want to see other women what's the downside to that? Has she said if you see her you can't see others? If your gut says see other women- what's the downside of that and seeing her if YOU want to.

Posted

What's wrong with dating other people?

 

And consider yourself lucky that you learned this early that you can lose the person you want by taking them for granted. That's a very valuable lesson to learn when you eventually get married.

 

fwiw, she is into you again because you DID pull back. Clingy is NOT attractive.

Posted

Wait .. why is this in the infidelity forum? There is none.

 

It is pretty clear that she, or the OP, are pretty up front about dating other people. There is no crime in doing that.

  • 2 weeks later...
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Posted

we agreed to meet and went for coffee---we had a good time and started to talk about spending time together---running a marathon together next year and going out for dinner when her husband is away at a conference in 2 months--

 

 

i maye the fall back guy but i am also married now and dating other girls---am i really a fallback

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