samstar Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) To make a long story short me and a lady became involved with each other..we were going out together for appx 2 years and broke up in 4 months ago...she told me she was not feeling it with anymore and wanted to date other guys---- I tried to convince her not to break up and how I feel about her but the break went ahead....she started blocking my calls and ignoring me at the gym and other places where we bump into each other....so then I just started concentrating on my own life...she keeps on calling now and again and we also met a couple of times...everytime I would end up feeling attracted to her and I would hug her, kiss her cheek , rub her legs and then in the end she would say that I am only here as a friend.....and that she needs to date other guys Two weeks ago I told her that it is fine with me if she wants to date other guys and I will also start dating other girls who I have been holding off on--- The next day I see her and she tells me that she is not going out with any other guys and is not even talking to any other guy..she says she really needs a long time to think about what to do about me and her... I see her again the next day in the mall and she wants to have coffee...at coffee she tells me how great I look...I was being very friendly and casual with her and not pushing it at all.. My gut feeling is that she is only being like this because I mentioned I have other options... I do want to rekindle my relationship with her but I am also scared ...does she want to be with me because of me or because of me having options..she says she wants to be friends with me Is this jealousy or is it because my attitude is different and she finds that attractive...she has not made any comments about us but her attitude is a little positive towards me... I will admit the break was because I was not being very attentive to her and was acting like a wuss... What is the safest way to proceed without getting hurt again...my gut instinct is to keep dating other girls...I am still hurting a little from the break up --but soing much better than before--- Ps: she would keep calling every 7-10 days during the last 4 months...she just wanted to catch up or something like that....I would love to have some insight into what is going on in this womans mind.... Edited July 26, 2011 by samstar
wilsonx Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) What is the safest way to proceed without getting hurt again...my gut instinct is to keep dating other girls...I am still hurting a little from the break up --but soing much better than before--- . See what I bolded. This is what you should always do for the rest of your life. Trust your intuition. You can come here and ask for advice but your own self is telling you what you need to do. You should always listen to it! This is a lesson for everyone reading this thread including myself. ALWAYS trust your gut/intuition. Thats my advice. Right now your ex is just being a friend to you, nothing more, nothing less just go back to NC and trust your gut Edited July 26, 2011 by wilsonx
Author samstar Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Hey man - you are right ..my gut instinct and the fact is that she only started being a little nice to me is when I told her I have options..... I still want to have a relationship with this woman -- if I go nc again then how do I stand any chance..... Someone suggested hang out with her and once in a while mention something about the other girl you are dating----apparently women like men who are wanted by other women Me I am clueless at 35 ... I do know that even in the past girls wanted me back only when I started going out with someone else
wilsonx Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) Hey man - you are right ..my gut instinct and the fact is that she only started being a little nice to me is when I told her I have options..... I still want to have a relationship with this woman -- if I go nc again then how do I stand any chance..... Someone suggested hang out with her and once in a while mention something about the other girl you are dating----apparently women like men who are wanted by other women Me I am clueless at 35 ... I do know that even in the past girls wanted me back only when I started going out with someone else Look your intuition is telling you to date other women. Your heart is telling you you want her back. ALWAYS and I mean always trust your intuition over your heart. Or you will be in a world of hurt like I was my last relationship. Right now Im going to tell you, you stand no chance with your ex because you still care for her and she knows it. The day you quit caring about her and move forward and become indifferent is the day you actually stand a chance with her. It wont even matter at that point. Right now shes lying through her teeth saying shes not dating anyone and taking time to herself. Don't ever listen to an ex gaslight you like shes doing right now. Thats why NC is so important so you dont allow ex's to string you along. You do not want to date this woman. If you do again you have become her doormat and she can do this over and over and over again. How many different women are there on the planet, find someone that wont leave you for someone else and wont gaslight you after they break up with you Edited July 26, 2011 by wilsonx
Author samstar Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 What is gaslight ? My other gut instinct is to be the guy she once fell in love with and was so attracted to.....funny enough I am still that way towards other girls but cannot be that cocky-funny with this one.... She has a lot of power over me and even I know I will go running to her with my tongue drooping out ...I really don't want to be in this kind of a position...
amethyste Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I agree with wilsonx. Keep dating other girls & dont go back to her. In my opinion, I think she's just playing games. It takes more than a couple of phone calls to prove that you're sorry. If you say you weren't very attentive with her, well, consider this an opportunity to be how you should be next time, with someone new
Author samstar Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Maybe I am being childish---part of me wants to make this woman burn--should I tell her about the other girls I have been on dates with since the break up--
amethyste Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 should I tell her about the other girls I have been on dates with since the break up-- No. Please don't be immature.
Graceful Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 What are you doing at the age of 35, after a 2-year relationship with someone who broke up with you and said she wanted to explore other options ... trying to get her back? What's the point, really? Are you a serial dater? Do you want a LTR? Or marriage? Or do you even know? Figure out what you're looking for. At your age, two years is long enough to spend with someone to know if there's potential for more, and by then, you should both be on the same page, not playing games like you are still in high school. It is not, I repeat NOT becoming of a man your age to be playing games or pretending and lying about dating other women, etc. That sounds like something out the player handbook. I will admit the break was because I was not being very attentive to her and was acting like a wuss... This just does not sound hopeful or productive. Get yourself together and look to your future, and stop acting like you're chasing after your next booty call. Use the breakup as an opportunity to take a step back and examine your priorities, and stop being so concerned as to the behavior of your ex. That's over IHMO, and a waste of your time and energy. Sorry to be harsh, but at the age of 35, you'd be better off working on your own growth and maturity, a much more worthwhile pursuit. GL.
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