Okay women... you have me utterly

[Wings1068]

Ladies, (or guys with any answers really)

 

Im fairly fresh on the dating scene again. Im comfortable and friendly and outgoing. But the experiences that I have had with the last two women I have dated have me completely stumped.

 

The two women have done the EXACT same thing... and they were two different women. Woman A was a bit lower calibre than woman B.

 

Essentially, even tho dates were going well after the thrid date Im completely ignored. even so far as getting my email blocked.

 

Now Im trying to figure out the cause of this because Im starting to expect it to happen and I want to be fair to new prospects. So like investigating a plane crash i will give as much detail as i can so that people can give thier insights.

 

Woman A (met on online dating site ((maybe part of the cause?)) we emailed eachother back and forth for about a week, then started texting and eventually calling. She would text me in the morning and we would pretty much text chat throughout the day. Then we decided we wanted to meet, first date was pretty mundane , its akward enough meeting this way so we both wanted it to be low key. We sat and talked late into the night and I took her home. We kissed and mildly made out the first night out. I took her out again a few days later and made it a nice date, good dinner and some wine, things were good and we talked about being exclusive. again end of the night some making out and we called it a night. Third date we went a little more casual and took our kids to the park (we both have one) we sat and talked as we watched the kids play then i took them home. she hugged me and kissed me and said "we should do this again soon" that was the last thing i heard from her. i texted for a few days and tried colling but got no response. Puzzled i texted her "well i wish you would tell me whats up" and moved on.

 

Woman B was a friend of a friend, she had a bit more class and the same progression up to the first date took place. daily text chatting and some phone conversations. I decided to do a nice first date and we went out to a nice resterant and then watched the sunset on the river. night went well there was a lot of laughing but no kissing just a hug at the end of the night. a week went by and i told her I wanted to see her again. She said she had been looking forward to me asking her back out all week. We met up and had a nice dinner then we kissed good night. She said it was the high point of her day and we took in a movie the very next night. Again there were smiles and laughs and we kissed and called it a night. She did text me asking if I was still interested in her. I responded telling her yes I was... that was it... 3 days no answered or returned calls, no more texts.

 

Is there some truth to this third date rule? I never made a sexual advance on either girl... but i thought I was showing interest... Im just a bit taken aback that Ive ended up with the exact same result from two different women.

 

Also women... if you arent interested why is it you cant just tell a guy? why the whole ignoring thing? i think its childish and kindof rude.

[zlatnapolja]

Ladies, (or guys with any answers really)

 

Im fairly fresh on the dating scene again. Im comfortable and friendly and outgoing. But the experiences that I have had with the last two women I have dated have me completely stumped.

 

The two women have done the EXACT same thing... and they were two different women. Woman A was a bit lower calibre than woman B.

 

Essentially, even tho dates were going well after the thrid date Im completely ignored. even so far as getting my email blocked.

 

Now Im trying to figure out the cause of this because Im starting to expect it to happen and I want to be fair to new prospects. So like investigating a plane crash i will give as much detail as i can so that people can give thier insights.

 

Woman A (met on online dating site ((maybe part of the cause?)) we emailed eachother back and forth for about a week, then started texting and eventually calling. She would text me in the morning and we would pretty much text chat throughout the day. Then we decided we wanted to meet, first date was pretty mundane , its akward enough meeting this way so we both wanted it to be low key. We sat and talked late into the night and I took her home. We kissed and mildly made out the first night out. I took her out again a few days later and made it a nice date, good dinner and some wine, things were good and we talked about being exclusive. again end of the night some making out and we called it a night. Third date we went a little more casual and took our kids to the park (we both have one) we sat and talked as we watched the kids play then i took them home. she hugged me and kissed me and said "we should do this again soon" that was the last thing i heard from her. i texted for a few days and tried colling but got no response. Puzzled i texted her "well i wish you would tell me whats up" and moved on.

 

Woman B was a friend of a friend, she had a bit more class and the same progression up to the first date took place. daily text chatting and some phone conversations. I decided to do a nice first date and we went out to a nice resterant and then watched the sunset on the river. night went well there was a lot of laughing but no kissing just a hug at the end of the night. a week went by and i told her I wanted to see her again. She said she had been looking forward to me asking her back out all week. We met up and had a nice dinner then we kissed good night. She said it was the high point of her day and we took in a movie the very next night. Again there were smiles and laughs and we kissed and called it a night. She did text me asking if I was still interested in her. I responded telling her yes I was... that was it... 3 days no answered or returned calls, no more texts.

 

Is there some truth to this third date rule? I never made a sexual advance on either girl... but i thought I was showing interest... Im just a bit taken aback that Ive ended up with the exact same result from two different women.

 

Also women... if you arent interested why is it you cant just tell a guy? why the whole ignoring thing? i think its childish and kindof rude.

 

So the first girl probably wasnt into you. Look at this clip for explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0-l0_xfJsU. I dont know why she wasnt into you.

 

The second woman, I dont know what happened there, but it seems like she wants you to take initiative. She has told you she really enjoyed it and she has asked you if you're still interested. I think she feels rejected for some reason, dont know why exactly.

 

The reason why women never tell you they're not into you, is because women have a heard time being straight forward. To a woman it sounds to harsh to say this. Think about it, whenever a woman asks you to take out the garbage, she will say something like: 'honey could you maybe take out the trash later?', whereass a man communicates more like this: ' will you take out the trash within 5 minutes?'

 

Its not meant to be rude, it's a womans way of avoiding having to hurt someone.

[Wings1068]

Its not meant to be rude, it's a womans way of avoiding having to hurt someone.

 

I see your point but dont women understand its more hurtful to go about it this way?

 

And speaking of taking the initiative... what point is too much? because im not wanting to bug someone if they are done. And im not a mind reader

[Challenger]

The reason why women never tell you they're not into you, is because women have a heard time being straight forward. To a woman it sounds to harsh to say this. Think about it, whenever a woman asks you to take out the garbage, she will say something like: 'honey could you maybe take out the trash later?', whereass a man communicates more like this: ' will you take out the trash within 5 minutes?'

 

Its not meant to be rude, it's a womans way of avoiding having to hurt someone.

 

 

This is the absolute truth. Women view the male ego as very fragile and they don't want to hurt it so most of the time they will never directly tell you there not into you. The one thing you should never display is neediness! If you try to get in touch with her a few time with no response just let it go because she is not into you and whatever you do or say will just turn her off more. Walk away and find the next beautiful girl thats lucky enough to meet you.

 

-Challenger

[Wings1068]

Woman A blocked the email... And as far as exclusiveness she brought it up and I said I didnt have a problem with it. The kids thing crossed my mind, but it was discussed before hand and didnt seem to be an issue.

 

I wouldnt say Im upset, just puzzled as i know that people usually do things for a reason, just trying to figure out if it was something I did before I try again with woman C... i really dont want to go into this allready blaming her for the way A and B were... i dont think that is fair.

[FinOuch]

First, I don't think it's just women who do this. I've had the "this was great, we should do this again" comment dropped on me before after a couple/few dates with a guy, and yet never received a follow up call or text.

 

As for why women AND men just cease contact after a few dates...it's just easier to back off and hope they get the hint than have to be blunt with them.

(Although, I agree completely that not responding/blocking when communication is initiated from the other side is rude as h*ll. It's one thing to just not initiate contact. It's another to intentionally ignore. At that point, they should grow a spine and speak their mind.)

 

 

I don't think three dates is a rule, per say. It's just that it's too early on to call it quits if sparks don't fly on date one. If still nothing is felt on date two but he seemed like a good match "on paper", then I might give it one or two more shots before calling it quits.

[Wings1068]

Ha... i actually thought guys did this more than women did tbh... one of the reasons I find it confusing.

 

I've had several dates that never got past 1 or 2 but i could tell during the dates that the bird wasnt going to fly. With both of these it really did feel like something was there, in my experience "going out with you was the highlight of my day" isnt something most women would say (after a second date) without meaning it.

[Shaun-Dro]

I see your point but dont women understand its more hurtful to go about it this way?

 

And speaking of taking the initiative... what point is too much? because im not wanting to bug someone if they are done. And im not a mind reader

 

I will give you some direct advice, and I speak volumes, because I have a lovely girlfriend by the tailbone and she isn't going any where.

 

Never be nice to women! Let them earn it; especially if she's attractive or downright gorgeous, since she has so many options and can be as picky as she wants to be.

 

Reason for this is simple: attractive women (assuming you are dating the good-looking ones) have more than enough men trying hard to show them how much of a good catch they are. This for peculiar reasons turns her off of you and on to someone else.

 

She will continue to do this with men the minute she suspects that you're similar to the last one she made contact with. She might date you a little bit longer if she finds you more sexually appealing than the other, but the end result will be the same if you become a nice guy to her.

 

What do I mean by a nice guy? The very same things you've done on the 2 dates you had that didn't progress. Don't ever pay for her! Let her pay for herself. Women fought hard to gain equality from us, so let it stay that way. Don't listen to her hogwash complaints about how a man should still treat her all the time. Ignore her and do things your way. She'll act as if it annoys her, but deep down she'll respect you more. Why? Because women expect men to be that way and if they aren't this will confuse women. In turn, this also switches off their sexual antennas toward you.

 

I'm not telling you to be a mean, self-righteous bastard, though having an ounce of it won't hurt in the grand scheme of things. Why else do you see countless books about good men never getting a chance with women and all the so-called bad boys stealing them away? There's a hard truth to it!

 

Men who are nice to women regularly are considered a friend, brother, or a gay counterpart even though you're straight. Go back to the days of old and you will note that the "real" men never treated her nicely, but always got laid whenever he pleased. He was often neutral to her, challenging to her, and just never took her seriously. Yet, he had his way with her, just as I am right now with my lady. And by no means is she perfect, because I have to keep at her, but I'm playing my cards right and keeping her ass in check and it's well worth the pay off.

 

Only someone in a position of being in a relationship with a girl can tell you how it is and what's expected of you as a man. Single guys can offer a bit of useful suggestions. Women will just run you around in circles, so please don't waste your time with them unless, perhaps, she's a dike who doesn't give a ****! Only then might you learn a few things.

 

Becoming a challenge to women takes time but it must come from within. I can't say this enough. You have to start this from inside you. Only then it will show natural and morph into the new you. With that, you can use it on them and see guaranteed results. Tom Leykis is a good dude to listen to on women topics, however he does go over the top for entertainment purposes only.

[Eddie Edirol]

I see your point but dont women understand its more hurtful to go about it this way?

 

And speaking of taking the initiative... what point is too much? because im not wanting to bug someone if they are done. And im not a mind reader

 

Since guys are the pursuers, guys also arent afraid to start confrontations on why a woman isnt interested anymore. Women dont want to tell the real reason because they learned from guys that wont accept it. So its easier to act like the date is fine and then dissappear. Also women dont care about whats more hurtful to you, they care about what you might think of them, and worry about if they will feel guilty after telling you why they arent interested in you.

 

Guys dont care about womens feelings at all, they just ignore her and forget about her after a bad date, and dont feel bad about it.

 

Ladies, (or guys with any answers really)

 

Im fairly fresh on the dating scene again. Im comfortable and friendly and outgoing. But the experiences that I have had with the last two women I have dated have me completely stumped..

 

I think you discussed introducing the kids too soon, and you discussed exclusivity too soon, I will assume you brought these topics up, dont do it. You shouldnt be introducing each others kids on a third date, you still have to get to know each other. usually people dont introduce their kids for months.

 

I will assume with the second woman that you said things that showed neediness, or moving too fast, and thats why she baild on you. Or she might have been multidating, and found someone else she liked better, but kept her options open by talking about how much fun she was having. Dont listen to the words without watching the actions. And NEVER believe them for the first month.

[Wings1068]

Shaun... you pitch a good game... a little more brunt than i like but it actually explains why the girl i DIDNT want pursued me like mad when I started treating her indiferently to get rid of her. Telling her i wasnt into her wasnt enough...

 

Eddie, appreciate the sentiment but becoming that cynical towards women isnt what Im wanting to become

[Challenger]

I will give you some direct advice, and I speak volumes, because I have a lovely girlfriend by the tailbone and she isn't going any where.

 

Never be nice to women! Let them earn it; especially if she's attractive or downright gorgeous, since she has so many options and can be as picky as she wants to be.

 

Reason for this is simple: attractive women (assuming you are dating the good-looking ones) have more than enough men trying hard to show them how much of a good catch they are. This for peculiar reasons turns her off of you and on to someone else.

 

She will continue to do this with men the minute she suspects that you're similar to the last one she made contact with. She might date you a little bit longer if she finds you more sexually appealing than the other, but the end result will be the same if you become a nice guy to her.

 

What do I mean by a nice guy? The very same things you've done on the 2 dates you had that didn't progress. Don't ever pay for her! Let her pay for herself. Women fought hard to gain equality from us, so let it stay that way. Don't listen to her hogwash complaints about how a man should still treat her all the time. Ignore her and do things your way. She'll act as if it annoys her, but deep down she'll respect you more. Why? Because women expect men to be that way and if they aren't this will confuse women. In turn, this also switches off their sexual antennas toward you.

 

I'm not telling you to be a mean, self-righteous bastard, though having an ounce of it won't hurt in the grand scheme of things. Why else do you see countless books about good men never getting a chance with women and all the so-called bad boys stealing them away? There's a hard truth to it!

 

Men who are nice to women regularly are considered a friend, brother, or a gay counterpart even though you're straight. Go back to the days of old and you will note that the "real" men never treated her nicely, but always got laid whenever he pleased. He was often neutral to her, challenging to her, and just never took her seriously. Yet, he had his way with her, just as I am right now with my lady. And by no means is she perfect, because I have to keep at her, but I'm playing my cards right and keeping her ass in check and it's well worth the pay off.

 

Only someone in a position of being in a relationship with a girl can tell you how it is and what's expected of you as a man. Single guys can offer a bit of useful suggestions. Women will just run you around in circles, so please don't waste your time with them unless, perhaps, she's a dike who doesn't give a ****! Only then might you learn a few things.

 

Becoming a challenge to women takes time but it must come from within. I can't say this enough. You have to start this from inside you. Only then it will show natural and morph into the new you. With that, you can use it on them and see guaranteed results. Tom Leykis is a good dude to listen to on women topics, however he does go over the top for entertainment purposes only.

 

this is dead on!

 

Hence the name.........Challenger!

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Eddie, appreciate the sentiment but becoming that cynical towards women isnt what Im wanting to become

 

This isnt a sentiment, Im genuinely trying to help you understand why you were blown off.

 

Its not about becoming cynical towards women, its about looking out for yourself. Just have to think a lil more before putting yourself out there, theres nothing wrong with that. You wouldnt trust perfect strangers right away, why should you trust someone right away just because you kissed them? Bottom line is men and women lie about many things. if you choose to ignore the lies, you will keep finding yourself blown off on dates. if you like being blown off, more power to you.

 

A lot of info was omitted to you by those women. You did or said things to them that turned them off, and guess what....they didnt tell you! They most likely will never tell you when you turn them off until they have value in the relationship....thats when you can begin to trust them. You keep flying blind, you will keep getting blindsided. When you have your eyes open, you will see the signs of their behavior a lot sooner (like Shaun said), and then you will KNOW what you did wrong. So do you want to become savvy to the dating scene, or do you want to become lonely, wondering what went wrong?

 

Remember youre the one being shut out after 3 dates. If you keep doing the same things expecting the same result, thats called madness.

Edited July 26, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[rafallus]

I think they were expecting more than just kissing and calling it a night.