Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Further to my recent previous post, I seek answers from women who have cheated on their husband/partner when I confronted my wife about her affair, her attitude was she did not think she had done any wrong - why does she think this? Then she tells me there were two others when she told me this, it came across as almost a boast! like a badge of honor on her sleeve, an accomplishment ! - what is the motive of telling me about the other two Men ? and why the smugness? I would appreciate some frank feedback I realise that trying to save this relationship is like knitting a sweater for a dead squirrel, or re-arranging the furniture on the Titanic
manup Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Dude you need to file and move on. Seriously get it done already, find anice hot younger woman or women and be done with it.
Bryanp Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you think your would be so accepting and begging you to recover the way you have? Apparently your wife had no problem putting your health at risk for STD's. You both need to be tested. Her actions clearly shows she has no respect for you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
UT_longhorn Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 dude...get out...fast. there's nothing to salvage.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 She is boasting to you in an effort to make you less attracted to her, and to show you that she wants you to leave her and move on.
luvbun80 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Further to my recent previous post, I seek answers from women who have cheated on their husband/partner when I confronted my wife about her affair, her attitude was she did not think she had done any wrong - why does she think this? My opinion is she simply does not believe in monogamy, does not believe the vows she took 28 years ago are necessarily binding, believes that she is entitled to seek pleasure however she wants. You may or may not agree with her point of view, but I think it's worth considering.. you only get one pass at life so if monogamy is really miserable what do you do? The lying is the nasty part of course. I don't know why she went through the trouble of hiding it from you... financial stability? Or unwilling to go through the hassle of a divorce if she knew you would disapprove? Then she tells me there were two others when she told me this, it came across as almost a boast! like a badge of honor on her sleeve, an accomplishment ! - what is the motive of telling me about the other two Men ? and why the smugness? Because she wanted to cut you (and it worked) Doesn't necessarily mean that she hates you - think of a cornered raccoon fighting back. I realise that trying to save this relationship is like knitting a sweater for a dead squirrel, or re-arranging the furniture on the Titanic It depends what you want, maybe you could end up with an open marriage? I admire you for calmly waiting for her return - I am not a violent man but pretty sure I would have had the 12ga out to welcome her with!
jnj express Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 If its over, its over----tell her to go see an atty., tell her you will not stay with someone who disrespects you as she does----do not leave your home---let her go She is gonna find out that these guys she is "bedding", are nothing but bums-------she will not find anyone out there who would take care of her as you did----invariably she will just end up going from one guys bed to the next---probably not even knowing the names of the guys she is sleeping with----97% of hook-ups based on A's FAIL. Let her go, also, tell her to get the song "Someday, you'll want me to want you", and listen to it, cuz believe me it will apply ----that song will say it all FOR YOU.
rafallus Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Because she wanted to cut you (and it worked) Doesn't necessarily mean that she hates you - think of a cornered raccoon fighting back. I'd rather think of her like of bully who established her "superiority" and doesn't give a single **** about bullied one. She can't hate you - you matter so little in her mind it's hard for her to have any feelings towards you.
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Fafallus, Eddie and Luvbun, you are all correct in what you say. Eddie you are spot on, hit the nail on the head Fafallus I believe you are correct re how much I matter to her Luvbun, she told me she did not believe in monogamy any more, I am not one for an open marriage, not now, after this However, I don't agree with the 12 gauge, that would not solve my problem, only worsen it I thank all replies to my post One thing I feel I must say is, this is the worst feeling I have ever experienced, possibly worse than watching my parents die of illness some two decades ago Its a terrible rotten thing to do to someone, I am angry, but not overly, i am more dismayed with disbelief, the feelings of betrayal, feigning affection toward me was just a front, The one person I cared most about hit me from behind...
Kidd Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 There are a lot of people on here who have gone through the exact same shock as you. Know this...we didn't do anything to cause this. Our WS lost their freaking minds, went selfish, and betrayed us deeply. Start a new life for yourself with the knowledge that you remained faithful to your commitments. You can go forward with your head held high. There is support for you here when you need it. This shakes your entire world view. But it will pass.
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Thanks Kidd, This is my only vent i am using, I have not spoken to anyone prior or now, I do not wish to air my dirty laundry. Its the selfishness I have trouble understanding, I cannot believe this level of narcissism, we are over are over, but Sydney is an expensive place to live, for a single parent Why do women get so selfish Ocean
Cabin Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 If you want to test her to see if there is any way to salvage the relationship, I'd try the relationship 180 (you can google it, but here's a quick link to give you the idea: http://ezinearticles.com/?Boundaries---Save-Your-Marriage-or-Relationship&id=542526) If she doesn't respond to it, she is likely done with the relationship.
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Hi Cabin, I checked the link, I love tip no 10 Do not tell them I love you, as they are not very lovable at this stage, never a truer word spoken! I have not said that to my wife since her first affair, I know women want to be told that, but after that, I have not said it, However, the 180 is logical and rational, I don't think it will save my relationship "i think its too far gone" I will put in place 180, if anything but for my own dignity Thanks Ocean
Kidd Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I suspect most of the way she is handling you is a defense mechanism designed to protect her from her own guilty conscience. There is no justifying it so people do and say crazy things to somehow make it seem alright. You'll hear stories about people denying anything was happening even when the spouse walked in on them during the act. Just don't let it be a reflection on you as much as she may try. You'll also incessantly question what you could have done differently or better. You'll question your masculinity and judgment. These are natural but misguided. Try not to entertain those thoughts. You trusted her as you should have and she violated your agreement. It's on her and as simply as you said, selfish. In some respects, it's fortunate how easy she has made the decision for you. I think it's far worse when there are multiple discovery days and false reconciliations with serial cheaters.
Tech_E Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 A 180? Are you mental? Sorry to be blunt, but my god, toss this POS woman out on her ear and BURY her. Why did she almost boast about her affairs? Who the hell knows and who the hell cares. Why care about her motives? She is a ____ and not worth even 1 second of your thought process. I feel for you. I really do.
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 hi Tech, I am going to stay calm throughout the divorce / separation, There is no benefit in being angry, I will logically and rationally work this through to conclusion, I Once loved this girl, but no more, I will behave in a manner that is I am going forward with my life and she can be free to do whatever she wants Revenge and retribution would not achieve anything positive Kidd, A year ago she had her first A, we decided to reconcile, it WAS a false reconciliation, yeah it scares the s%&t out of you, the thought in the back of your head thanks Ocean
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Does anyone else find it strange that this guy uses every punctuation mark except for periods at the end of sentences? Not sure if grammatical immaturity is a byproduct of emotional immaturity. And I also agree with everyone else here, you need to move on and stop obsessing over this woman, full stop.
nyrias Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 leave the poor excuse of a human and never look back to her. You will definitely be able to do alot better First sentence, agreed. Second sentence, let's not be delusional. Given the prevalence of infidelity, there is no "definitely be able do do alot better". It is at most a 50-50 crap shoot.
whammy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 My opinion is she simply does not believe in monogamy, does not believe the vows she took 28 years ago are necessarily binding, believes that she is entitled to seek pleasure however she wants. You may or may not agree with her point of view, but I think it's worth considering.. you only get one pass at life so if monogamy is really miserable what do you do? The lying is the nasty part of course. I don't know why she went through the trouble of hiding it from you... financial stability? Or unwilling to go through the hassle of a divorce if she knew you would disapprove? sorry i gotta call bs on this. EVERYONE. IS. MONOGAMOUS. its in our DNA. monogamy is just a primal need as anything. Open marriages/relationships/polyamoury... all that stuff... its just a condition of the situation. You can take the most polyamrous woman in the world and if she falls in love with a man... she will think of him ONLY, will want to spend time with him ONLY, her future plans will include him ONLY! the only people that are in open relationships are in it because their partner doesnt meet all thier needs and it benefits them in a number of ways to stay in that relationship while meeting other needs elsewhere. I want you all to think of anyone you know in an open relationship... now think of what would happen if one of them demanded to close the relationship... would they last much longer? NO! if its open its not a relationship.... its a partnership of agreed lifestyles and one or both is not truly in love. ANYBODY that is truly in love does not want to give themselves to anyone else. All of you, ask yourselves...when you were in love (and if you still are), were you thinking anybody else at all? ever? as for the op, you need to read womens infidelity. your wife doesnt want you and is trying every trick in the book (short of coming out and telling you) to get you to leave her because she feels nothing for you. be a man, get out and move on.
NoIDidn't Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 sorry i gotta call bs on this. EVERYONE. IS. MONOGAMOUS. its in our DNA. monogamy is just a primal need as anything. Open marriages/relationships/polyamoury... all that stuff... its just a condition of the situation. You can take the most polyamrous woman in the world and if she falls in love with a man... she will think of him ONLY, will want to spend time with him ONLY, her future plans will include him ONLY! the only people that are in open relationships are in it because their partner doesnt meet all thier needs and it benefits them in a number of ways to stay in that relationship while meeting other needs elsewhere. I want you all to think of anyone you know in an open relationship... now think of what would happen if one of them demanded to close the relationship... would they last much longer? NO! if its open its not a relationship.... its a partnership of agreed lifestyles and one or both is not truly in love. ANYBODY that is truly in love does not want to give themselves to anyone else. All of you, ask yourselves...when you were in love (and if you still are), were you thinking anybody else at all? ever? as for the op, you need to read womens infidelity. your wife doesnt want you and is trying every trick in the book (short of coming out and telling you) to get you to leave her because she feels nothing for you. be a man, get out and move on. This is such an unpopular opinion, but I agree with you. We do only think of the ONE we are in love with. ITs when we are not truly in love or when we have needs that we feel the one we are with can't meet that we seek out others.
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Thanks RepairMinded, I have browsed this site intensively since the first affair, and I agree there are particular traits that cheating women do, and mine was no different. The deceit, lying etc, However I have noticed another trait, when confronted "the guy you are screwing is married, just like the last one who when detected scurried back to his wife and family" The silence is deafening! Cheating wives live in a delusional world of fantasy, I also noticed that financial control of the family funds are also "thrown to the wind" She said she wanted an open relationship, "to do as I please" I rejected that outright It was interesting tonight at the dinner table, my 15 year old daughter told her mother what a horrible thing she did by cheating on me, and told her straight what she thought with my ten year old adding her bit too, that ended with my cheating spouse asking if my two daughters were happy living in the family home? to which they replied Dad cares about us and you don't I think that says it all, There are good people in the world and there are some not so good Oceanblue
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 28, 2011 Author Posted July 28, 2011 Repairminded My two young daughters are unhappy with their mothers attitude towards me Added to that My 15 year old hit her mother with a combination of open and closed questions to a point where she had her cornered with contradictions My children know I love them deeply. In my mind they are my No 1 Priority. The effect this will have on my children is the understanding that Infidelity is not socially acceptable, and has far reaching consequences They will be fine, but I think to myself, what a dreadful thing to do to one's children, they will remember what their mother did. Such is Life
Memphis Raines Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 Further to my recent previous post, I seek answers from women who have cheated on their husband/partner when I confronted my wife about her affair, her attitude was she did not think she had done any wrong - why does she think this? either she is an idiot, or is blaming you somehow for her decision to cheat. Then she tells me there were two others when she told me this, it came across as almost a boast! like a badge of honor on her sleeve, an accomplishment ! - what is the motive of telling me about the other two Men ? and why the smugness? only a total beyotch would treat you like this. I hope you aren't thinking of staying with this wench??? seems like she is throwing this in your face an blaming you. and you are probably sitting there taking it and not telling her to get the F out. you need to have her served with papers.
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