hearttopieces Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Okay, so I know a lot of people here are saying that if their exes wanted to get back with them, they would have to do this or that. E.g. He would have to come to me begging and pleading and crying and sincerely apologize for everything he had done and bring me the stars and the moon and promise to give me his entire life and everything and blah blah blah... And if he doesn't do at least all this, I won't even look at him! Obviously when we are hurt, out of a recent break-up and in the middle of NC carefully putting together the pieces of our broken hearts, we don't always see rationally and exaggerate when it comes to our future relationship with this person... We want them to pay the price, we want them to suffer, we want them to realize what they have lost. But let's say, after some time, you start to think. And you say, well, if I was that person (who really, genuinely wants to get back with an ex), would I act like this? Would I do this? Would I go to his door and tell him I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him? Would I do this after weeks or months of NC? Or, would I be slow and careful? Trying to communicate gently, not rushing everything? So, honestly, how many of you do really believe that if a person wants to get back with you (genuinely), they will suddenly come to you and apologize/confess/promise eternal love? And how many of you think they will do it slowly and carefully - like, sending a regular message to try to open the lines of communication again?
emby Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 This is a good question. I know that my ex is very stubborn, is trying to stick with his decision and is avoiding talking about his feeling. Putting up barriers so to speak, but still unwilling or unable to tell me to go away and to sever ties with me. Interesting. If he decides he wants me back (a psychic told me he'll even come 'crawling' back), I think he would open communication and try and figure out the situation. He might call and say he wanted to meet up, but he'd never come banging the door down, not with his pride! Especially since we're long distance anyway. I have an ex that still wants me back after a year and has wanted me back most every time we broke up (on and off relationship), yet he never did anything like that. Then again he didn't have to because I knew how he felt and always went back to him. Who knows... Having said that, I realised that I'm much happier when I've been doing NC for a few days and haven't had to face ever more rejection from my ex, so at the moment I'm steering clear of all breadcrumbs. It's not as though I'm going to 'miss my chance' to get back with him though because if he really wanted to make it happened he would. I hope I haven't contradicted myself too much...
wilsonx Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 So, honestly, how many of you do really believe that if a person wants to get back with you (genuinely), they will suddenly come to you and apologize/confess/promise eternal love? And how many of you think they will do it slowly and carefully - like, sending a regular message to try to open the lines of communication again? The first one is more then likely to happen as far as a full reconciliation offer. The second question is just a way to see if you are still on their string, if so they can proceed on to their life. Breadcrumbs soothe the dumpers ego and thats it. Means nothing else
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 So, honestly, how many of you do really believe that if a person wants to get back with you (genuinely), they will suddenly come to you and apologize/confess/promise eternal love? And how many of you think they will do it slowly and carefully - like, sending a regular message to try to open the lines of communication again? Every person is different... Some might come back and confess eternal love while most will not. I think if you still carry that hope of reconciliation you would settle with either (people just like to make themselves sound tough when they are down). The problem is that some ex's will come back and reopen the lines of communication but do not want to reconcile, obviously this is detrimental to the dumpee and this is why you need to take everything the dumper says as it means nothing. Unless they come back and say "I want to try again" don't get your hopes up. But yes you do have a valid point in that No most people won't go back and confess undying love for the dumpee. And casually reopening the lines of communication is more common but that is still not a good indication that they want to try again.
Timmy2 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 This is a brilliant question and would love more perspective myself. My ex who broke up with me seems like she wouldn't be the one to make the move completely. She throws breadcrumbs, I sometimes fall for it, but that's besides the point. She has told me if she yearns for me she would make the move so I have to take her on her word.
D-Lish Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 My ex wouldn't even send a "how are you text" even if he wanted to initiate anything. He'd be too scared to.
citrusdrop1688 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 That stance implies that your ex is the only one that made mistakes in the relationship, in which case yeah I could see you needing them to come back in a more direct way. However if they have been hurt and had a justifiable reason for leaving, they are probably going to take a much more subtle approach. I know that my ex would certainly take an approach like that, as I would do in return. No one wants to set themselves up to be hurt, especially if theyve already been hurt by you in the past. Most likely they would want to slowly make an approach and see if anything was different then it had been when they left, before they decided to jump back in with both feet.
Lorelai Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 The problem is that some ex's will come back and reopen the lines of communication but do not want to reconcile, obviously this is detrimental to the dumpee and this is why you need to take everything the dumper says as it means nothing. Unless they come back and say "I want to try again" don't get your hopes up. How very true. My ex and I had been friends for years before we tried to date, and he was the one who ended it. We spoke for the first time over the phone last week after over two months very low contact, and I was able to share some good news when we did that occupied my entire end of the conversation pretty much (I recently located my little brother and sister -- they were my dad's kids who had went into foster care when I was eight and living in another state). I've had a lot on my mind and have been busy making plans for a trip out to see them so haven't struggled with the desire to contact him. He apparently really, really wants his friend back -- said that he missed me several times. And after a week he sends me a message: "Smile, someone is thinking about you." Very sweet sentiment if things weren't still sorta fresh, but because they are it's the kind of thing that can mess with your head. I'm keeping it clear in my head that he has neither said nor done anything to indicate he wants more than the friendship we had before we dated. Unless he says differently, I know any "breadcrumb" like what he sent today is an indication of how much he misses my friendship, not the relationship. It's not easy. At all. But we'd been friends for over four years before we dated, and we agreed we'd do our best to maintain it no matter what when we started dating. I know that friendship will change, but I hope it's not completely destroyed either.
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