Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Its been around 2 years since I lasted posted here, My wife of 28 years had an affair with an old school boyfriend, I found out by reading her journal one day. the reasons she gave were: lack of intimacy,communication,lack of affection from me, etc I wanted to save the relationship due to we have two school age daughters So I went to the Gym, lost some weight, got fitter, talked to her more, met for lunch, generally paid more attention to her needs, had more sex etc The (OM) other man had No contact since dday I thought things were looking up, and recently i was considering posting here how an affair does not always mean the end of a relationship However yesterday evening, when she was at yoga class, she left her expensive handbag ( i recently purchased for her birthday) on the bed, I do not know what prompted me to search inside, but I did what I found in a side pocket was the following, two condoms, g string, "smart safe" data storage account (for secure message photo data storage) a receipt for a private mail box, and a note from an associate say what wonderful sex they had together recently! I stayed calm, when she arrived home I calmly confronted her about the OM, she then told me that she did not love me, that we had nothing in common anymore except the children and that she had decided monogamy was not for her. And then the bombshell, she then told me she had two other flings also!!! here is an insight to her mind, (this is revealing) in her bag was some of her private thoughts jotted down these are her words "Why do I get so down and think i am so unhappy, I miss my lover still so much (refers to original OM) I am sometimes irrational during the sad times, I am trying to control my behavior, I am controlling it as to not reveal my secrets, I want to be separate, I am over parenting too, I want to be free to do as I please, how many years to wait 5, 10 God I will be to old then, maybe 5?, can i wait that long? I want to feel in love" I have not contacted the latest OM I see no point, I phoned my solicitor this morning to make an appointment see what my options are in regards to separation She sees nothing wrong with her behavior, she says why cant I have other friends, she has no guilt, no remorse I feel I have wasted 30 years of my life, I have had better days Sorry for the long post, it would appear to me, once a woman has 1 affair they become addicted to the lust by OM and excitement that an affair has Obviously this relationship is dead in the water Mark
Bryanp Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 This is what I wrote in your previous post: If the roles were reversed do you think your would be so accepting and begging you to recover the way you have? Apparently your wife had no problem putting your health at risk for STD's. You both need to be tested. Her actions clearly shows she has no respect for you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I just read this update. What a piece of work she is. You have wasted 30 years but there is no reason to waste any more of your life on such a selfish person. Why not just go for a divorce instead of a separation?
silktricks Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 it would appear to me, once a woman has 1 affair they become addicted to the lust by OM and excitement that an affair has All women are not like this, just as all men are not. However, that said, it does sound like your marriage is over. It seems that you should get a divorce post haste.
road Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 ocean After the first Dday how long did you monitor that there were no restart of the old affair or to see if there were any new affair's?
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Bryanp, Road Bryanp, I feel i have wasted 30 years, when i said separation, we have been together for 30 years, joint accounts, mortgage, all the usual stuff, I mean a complete parting, ended... Road, I monitored her emails, mobile phone, accounts for 3 or so months, "I know for a fact that the original OM has not made contact or responded" (she texted him two weeks after d day) he did not respond, he changed numbers etc However her telling me their was 2 others, I am not sure, I have no evidence of that, but I do in the most recent which was only 2 weeks ago I feel this is no 2, and she telling me she had two more is a fabrication, for reasons unknown to me other than to piss me off for ending her cosy new relationship, as I know all his details except residential address Thanks Ocean
GorillaTheater Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I've been married 28 years as well. Quite a knock on the ass to learn that your wife, the person you thought you knew better than anyone else on the planet, would be capable of such a double life, betrayal, and cold smugness when found out. You're in no condition to look at this objectively now. You're still reeling from the gut punch. But here's an objective view: she did you a favor. She's made it very clear what kind of person she is and what she thinks about you. Objectively, your course of action is just as clear: divorce her as quickly as Australian law allows. You don't wait to remove a malignant tumor from your body, and you don't wait to remove a malignant tumor like your wife from your life. I don't think you wasted 30 years of your life. Your marriage has produced your kids, and you'd probably happily take a bullet for them. But at this point, every moment spent staying in this marriage WOULD be wasted. How old are your kids? How are they doing?
Tech_E Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 First off I am sorry that you have to go through this. It's reading stories like this that scares the living ___ out of those of us that are trying to reconcile. You can walk away from this holding your head high, even though it does not feel like it right now. I normally NEVER advocate for the scortched earth approach to divorce, but I sure as hell do in this case. Tear this POS woman a new one and walk away from her and get on with your life.
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Hi Gorilla Theatre, Tech, I like the way you Texan's call a spade a spade, almost Australian. Thank you for your posting, I have not read your previous posts but sounds to me you have been through the wringer too. I agree with your summary entirely, this relationship is well and truly over I have two daughters 10 and 15, the 15 year old knows what is going on but I for the present have shielded my 10 year old from this My 15 year old thinks her mum "has wrecked everything" My primary concern right now is the welfare of my children. And yes as you say I would take a bullet for them. Tech, Thank you for your support, however "unfortunately on my behalf" i have first hand experience, cheating wives are like modern day terrorist's, they get caught out the first time, then they change tack, they do not use the previous texting, sms, etc, In my case the office laptop that I had no access to, not the home pc, a post office box etc, rudimentary but effective By The way what is a POS Its her lack of contrition that I find difficult to comprehend Thanks Ocean
donnamaybe Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Yes, obviously the R is over. One thing I can't help but focus on after that is the fact that she no longer wants to parent her children. Just... ICK! I hope you get a good lawyer and get custody of your girls. They certainly need someone who WANTS them.
Chi townD Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Sorry to hear that you're going through this. If I were you, I would hope that you kept the paper which stated that she's done with the parenting, that will only help you with custody. Besides, I think your kids are at the age where they can decide who they want to live with. It sounds like they're 100% on your side of things. Time to play hardball, dude. See a lawyer with all the evidence that you can find. See what your options are. I think your wife is in for a major wake up call. Her fantasy world is about to become her reality, except it's not gonna be the bed of roses she thought it was going to be.
GorillaTheater Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Hi Gorilla Theatre, Tech, I like the way you Texan's call a spade a spade, almost Australian. Thank you for your posting, I have not read your previous posts but sounds to me you have been through the wringer too. I agree with your summary entirely, this relationship is well and truly over I have two daughters 10 and 15, the 15 year old knows what is going on but I for the present have shielded my 10 year old from this My 15 year old thinks her mum "has wrecked everything" My primary concern right now is the welfare of my children. And yes as you say I would take a bullet for them. You have your emphasis right where it needs to be, on the kids. What's your plan at this point?
Author Oceanblue47 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Thank you Donna, I appreciate your support. Chi townd I photocopied the the paper note and intend to use this to gain custody, however, I will let this rest with the children, whoever they will be happy with, however it is their mother ? I also have a copy of the love note to my wife by the OM , confirming her infidelity, god that was hard to type Texas, My plan is I am seeing a solicitor/attorney tomorrow to ascertain what my options are, I will base my plans on what advice I am given One thing I know, this is not going to be fun Regards Ocean
Recommended Posts