You're relationship is not any different than all the rest on these forums

[Southofthebay]

I had to learn it the hard way. I was with her for 4 1/2 years, lived together for 1 1/2, I was her first in anything sexual, she even has my name still tattooed on her body. After being dumped(I was an a-hole in the past and she never got over it, and she caught me texting an old friend, she thought there was something going on between her and I, but there really never was), I went NC for 10 days following procedure. It was over, if she really wanted me back(like she did during these 10 days according to her friend) then she would call me. Unfortunately, I got advice from a family member completely contradicting what all my friends and these forums said.

 

I went with the mutual friend route, her best friend is my brothers girlfriend and she spoke with my ex, she was supposedly happy to hear from me and she missed me. At first it sounded as if she was relieved I was talking to her again. We set up a date for the following weekend. The night before we are set to go out she says she doesn't want to go. That night I spoke to her and she said she really does want to get back with me and next friday would be best because it is still too soon. The next morning she called me and told me she is on the same page as me, we are giving each other time, and the final outcome of this break up is for us to get back together. Throughout the week we text back and forth, she seems really into it and seems real nice and comfortable with me. The night right before the "date" she text me by accident, but it was strange, she sounded upset with little words, completely different than earlier in the day when we spoke. Reflecting on this I was probably a little too comfortable with her too fast and showed too much interest. The day of the date comes and she doesn't hit me up all day until a couple hours before the date, she seemed kinda excited.

 

I leave to pick her, her friend, and my brother up. First thing she did was text me saying she doesn't want to go to the pier to this nice restaurant/bar like we had planned, she was too cold supposedly. Ok, that's fine. Next thing I see is the way she is dressed, she's dressed so laid back/casual as if we weren't going to a nice place to begin with, completely casual, she dresses nicer for work as a receptionist at a hotel. Next she gets in the car and says "hey well I got to be home early I work tomorrow" followed by " I'm not dressed to go to a bar, I don't even want to drink". I had no where to go! but my brother and her friend said lets go to a local bar. It was starting to go all wrong.

 

We get to the bar order drinks and eat some food. During this time I tried talking to her so much, she would give me vauge simple answers, complete one sided conversation(all while she scooted her chair farther and farther away from me). I would ask her a question and she would answer facing her friend. She seemed so uninterested it made me look pretty bad. I got to a point where I didn't even know what to talk about anymore.. it was just so awkward! then comes the heavy hitter, for some reason her friend(the same person that was supposedly trying to get us back together) pulls a ****ed up move. She starts talking about her sister getting cheated on, and how she found text messages of her husband talking to another girl! This blew me away because at this point me and my ex were actually starting to slightly conversate, and her friend breaks up our flow of convo just to say that. After her friend said that my ex just went off.. I mean off, she indirectly told me everything she wanted to say to me. I mean she said everything she thought about me with out even having to direct it at me, it was a complete fatality. I did not know how to come back from that. So I blow it off, keep trying to talk to her. eventually I get tired and ask to talk to her to the side, she says no, she says "tell me what you want to say right here". I tried but it was too hard to tell her what I felt with out having the whole bar listening, so eventually we stepped to the side. This is where I told her, hey I understand why you're acting like this with me, I understand that you might be a bit scared to open up to me, but that's okay. I asked her if she would like to go out sometime again but just us two, and she said "I don't know, maybe in the future". This is where I let go. I told her I no longer wanted to be with her, that it wasn't going to work out either way. I told her how much I love her and care for her but at the same time can't be played like a sucker anymore while she finds a new love. She cried, I felt bad but I needed to let it out, I needed to close this chapter. I was torturing myself everyday wondering if today would be the day she says she wants me back or says I found someone new. It was agreed not to talk about the past that night but honestly, I knew it was over. It hurts so bad because after 10 days of NC I was slowly starting to feel better. I even met a very nice, beautiful girl I went out with(as friends) during the NC days, but she wanted something more, but I wasn't ready to completely give up on my ex. I blew her off the next date she set up because I started talking to my ex again and now that same girl wants nothing to do with me. Now I'm all alone with no girlfriend, no girl that is interested in me at all, and it sucks ****ing bad because I lived with my ex and she left me all alone, I've never lived alone before this. So now I have to not only get used to being single, but living alone all by myself, which I've always had a problem with. I always have had people around me all my life and as a child I had anxiety problems when I was left alone. But I'm slowly starting to get used to my new life.

 

Basically the moral of my long post is that you should never think your relationship is different from the ones on these forums. DON'T! or you will make youself look like a fool just like I did. I could have just let it go and went on my way with a new girl and got over it quick, no mercy, don't look back, it's over, karma has nothing to do with what I do with other women now. I ****ing guarantee that if I would have never done what I did, by this time she would be calling me! I know it, but I showed desperation, I showed weakness of the though of not having her. I tortured myself for these past two weeks that we began talking again just to get completely shattered on our little reconciliation date. It felt as bad as the day she broke it off with me, and that was on my birthday.

 

Now that I look at it, she played me like a slot machine. She dumped me on my birthday of all days, I cried infront of her like a little kid. Told me she was on the same page numerous times, wanted to see me. She blew me off on the first date and I took it like a chump and let her reschedule. On the day of the date she completely takes the power of the date from me and shuts it down from a marvelous night at the pier, to a local sleezy bar. All while on facebook she was exploiting pictures of herself acting like a slut, letting some guy write on top of her breast because he worked for TMZ. I acted like a complete bitch. Who was this guy that was letting himself get mowed like this? it was me?? wtf? NO. I should have grabbed my nuts, said okay do what you got to do and that's that. Never looked back. Jump at the first chance with a new girl, no mercy. I had to look out for myself and my own feelings but while she was hammering me I was taking it and taking it until I realized she's just doing this to hurt me now.

 

Now my heart feels this: I'm very uneasy. I'm lonely and sad. I wake up to picturing her every morning having sex with another man. I'm failing my summer class because I was so preoccupied that I couldn't even concentrate on school. I feel ugly, I have low-self esteem. I haven't been on a real date with a girl for years. I don't really know how to approach women. I don't have any friends that are girls(my ex was super jealous). She still has me as a friend on facebook and seems completely happy, I stopped login in. I still have a box full of her belongings that I have no idea what to do with. I can't help but want to write a letter and give her all her things back. I feel like a complete chump.

 

But the reality is, I'm a good looking guy, I got her didn't I? and she was the most chased girl in my high school. I live alone, recently moved out to my own new place, free of her memories. I'm young, I'm 24. I have my own car, a good job, and one day will take over a very succesful business. I go to school, and plan to transfer to a CSU in a year or so. I'm losing weight, and looking much healthier(I accually weight less now than when I met her). People say I could have done better, that she was okay but not as pretty as I see her to be.

 

Her: She's 22, she has no license, no car, lives at home with her mom now. She didn't graduate high school. She confides in people giving her rides to work. She doesn't even think about going back to school. Sure she's pretty but everyone tells me that I could do better. She's obviously misguided, two weeks broken up and she's wildin out like a whore. She's real dumb, honestly, not going to school takes a toll. She doesn't do anything but smoke pot(kinda held me back in a way all these years just getting high with her). She has no type of credit, doesn't seem to understand the use of a bank or check card(this was an issue when we wanted to move to a better home). Cannot give me a solid answer to any question, she was more of a yes girl, complete airhead. And she talks like a idiot, she talks with this gangster accent, always saying fool. I've counted atleast 50 "Fools" being used in conversations between her and her sister. Oh and her ****ing family! ****!! her sister is the most annoying waste of life I've ever met!! I let her live in my home without having to pay anything, all she had to do was clean and wash clothes, I paid for everything in the home, while she still paid her mother rent for a room she slept in 4 days out of the month. I went out of my way to get an apartment that would fit her needs, a place I honestly couldn't afford. I took care of her, picked her up at midnight everyday from work right after I got out of school, never gave me a chance to study. I would also not go out on weekends because I would have to drop her off at 5 am at work in downtown 25 minutes away. I even offered to let her have my car as soon as she got her license but even that didn't get her to try! She always had guy friends trying to hit on her and she would refuse to stop talking to them and even fight me over them. Once I even told her if she didn't stop talking to those guys I would leave her, and she litterally fought me, swang at me.

 

I'm not even sure if anyone will read this, but if you do, I'm kinda just venting. But in the end..

 

What should I do about the rest of her things? should I write some sobby letter of our relationship and good memories?

[lovesickmonkey]

I enjoyed reading this story. It sounds as though you and this young lady would have parted ways eventually. And you do have a bright future ahead of you. Still, it's little consolation when you're brokenhearted. I wouldn't write to her about returning her things. Maybe just collect them all together and put them out of sight. If she ever calls asking for them, return them. Otherwise forget it. It's time to go NC. It hurts to decide not to contact her but usually contact hurts worse, as you found out. NC is for you. You sound like me when you say you're out of practice with dating and talking to women. I was dating a beautiful woman too and I can't stand going back out there. But you and I will do better. Hang in there.