GG3 Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I recently moved to a new area and started a new job a few months ago. I am still trying to meet people and make new friends. A guy transferred to my group at work. We seemed to get along and within a week, asked me out. I wasn't completely sure how he meant it, being that I had mentioned I don't have a lot of friends here and he had mentioned he had a lot of guy friends I should meet. Well, it became apparent that he hoped we would be more than friends and I told him that I just wanted to be friends. He said he was okay with that. He seems socially normal so I got the impression it's not a big deal. But now on a daily basis he makes a joke about how he was put in the friendzone. When he stopped by my desk this morning, he found a small way to touch my shoulder. On Friday he asked me if I wanted to do lunch, but tried to choose the restaurant which to me felt like a guy leading instead of just two coworker friends going to lunch. At lunch he started talking about the friendzone AGAIN, mentioned that my butt looks good in jeans and that he has a lot of fun when we hang out. He also mentioned we could go to a casino I want to go to some weekend...and share a room to save money. He said "We can sleep on opposite sides of the room." I didn't say anything because sometimes people are genuinely just trying to be friends and hang out and since we are both single, why not. But I can't tell if he is doing that or if he is hoping to get out of the friendzone. As I was leaving work, he asked me if I'd like to go salsa dancing tomorrow to which I replied "No thanks" because dancing isn't my thing. I don't like being mean to people so I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I also don't want this attention nor to lead him on. It is a little frustrating to go to work and I feel like he is doing these things instead of us just being two coworkers that are friends. I hate to screw this up since I don't have a lot of friends and he seems like someone I would like to hang out with if he isn't trying to get out of the friendzone. What does everyone else think? Is he pursuing or just being very friendly? What kind of signals can I give without being blunt or mean? I've already stated I'm not interested in more than friendship.
phineas Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 He wants in your pants. It doesn't sound like you led him on at all, he just can't handle the rejection. Because of the way he is acting I don't think you will ever be able to hang with him as just friends.
Author GG3 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 9:30 AM and already got a message from him that I seem distant. I think you might be right. I told him that I wanted some space.
superchiefs Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 9:30 AM and already got a message from him that I seem distant. I think you might be right. I told him that I wanted some space. You arent dating him, so why are you telling him you want some space? Next time you are chatting with him, just tell him you went on one of the greatest dates of your life last weekend. If he seems happy for you, then you know you can be friends. If he only wants to date you, more than likely he will get upset and not talk to you any more and in that case, you could not have been friends any way.
Author GG3 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 How about why Is he asking why I am distant when I am not dating him? I come to work to work.
superchiefs Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 How about why Is he asking why I am distant when I am not dating him? I come to work to work. I believe the answer to that question is that he is currently confused about the relationship he has with you. In his mind, he is dating you. That can be the only explanation for him asking you why you are distant. So you need to set him straight.
Author GG3 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 IIO already told him I just want to be friends. He claimed he is okay with that. I don't think that needs repeating everyday.
superchiefs Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 IIO already told him I just want to be friends. He claimed he is okay with that. I don't think that needs repeating everyday. Well, then I guess you should just ignore him from now on and not worry about being friends with him if you already told him you didnt want to date him, but he keeps treating you like you are dating by asking why you are so distant.
somedude81 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 If you have no interest in dating him at all, you shouldn't be friends. He obviously does not want to be just friends, and he's using "friendship" as a way to get closer to you. It's probably best for you to have no contact outside work. You need to keep the relationship strictly professional.
grkBoy Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 What does everyone else think? Is he pursuing or just being very friendly? What kind of signals can I give without being blunt or mean? I've already stated I'm not interested in more than friendship. He's pursuing. I've said it over and over that most guys don't go up to girls just to be friends. They want to date and/or sleep with her. Just wait until you do meet some guy you want to date. I'm sure this one will make drama. He should know better than to try for a woman he works with. I agree with putting some distance. You told him the truth and he knows where he stands, but he's trying to convince you to change. If anything, mention a guy you found cute in front of him. See how that sets him off.
Recommended Posts