t_i Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Hi guys + gals! Basically my sister had a 7 year relationship which went downhill. Shes now 24 and been single for about 6 months. She recovered very quickly even though her ex left her for his best friend who also has a baby, and is already moving in with her.... She started seeing this guy after healing for 4 months. I wouldnt say this was a rebound as her other relationship was over for years, and generally messed up with getting back together and break ups every year. A relationship based on habit alone. Anyway she started seeing the new guy. He was nice, got an amazing career as a teacher and bearing in mind her ex didnt get past GCSES, and basically worked in a shop, she felt this was a more level relationship. He has just come out of a 2 year relationship, and his ex hurt him alot but he isnt the type for 2nd chances. Anyway long story short shes been seeing him for a few months. They have both bought their own houses and saw eachother a few times a week. She liked him alot. Not to the love stage but almost. About 2 weeks ago he told her he wasnt sure what he wanted etc etc. She did well and told him to take a step back and see what he wants. Hes made no effort really, seen her once since but no cuddles, no kisses. Friend level. Everyone told her (including me) that he wasnt ready to settle, and shes entering the FZ. She was crying abit since but not texting him back much or being too avalible. Im proud of her She decided today she was going to ask for her stuff back and move on cause shes fed up.......... Untill this happened. He spoke to me on facebook chat and this is how the conversation went. "10:01pm Hey Tina, are you home atm? yeahhh why? Cool, how are long are you down for? I wanted your opinion on something i've seen in a shop! im down untill friday then mum and genna are going to drive me back and stay overnight and we're having a family picture done why what have you seen? It's a painting - that my friend has done and i can't work out if Gen would like it . . ooh whats it of? do you have a picture? and whats the occasion? Just a present. . . no need for a reason , i'll see if i can get her to let me have it and i can secretly bring it up to show you and muim (if it's not sold as someone else wants it but she is kind of holding it for me at the mo) It's a sea scape, like a sunset over a landspace thing but from a boat ohhh thats sounds lovely! well you can bring it over whenever or send a pic! It's at her place, i'll see what i can do - will get hold of her tomorrow, i've been trying to get Gen to come down for a few days without making it obvious why but she's been busy sorrrrry shes been busy with me No worries, it was just an impulse thing really, i saw it last week and though ooh that'd go nice at Gen's house but i havent seen her so, oh well, will if i can get it next couple of days to show you okay well let me know and I can try and get genna to piss off.... orrr you can come + just see her? its upto you but i don't want to bring it and her not like it as i'd rather wait and suprise her with something she will like I'll be in touch, thanks in advance! let me know! but gens verrry easy going she just is shocked at any thought. you could pick her a flower and shed be happy! lol, that would be far cheaper - i'll bear it in mind but im sure shed love the painting too !! I'll get hold of her tomorrow and see if she's still got it and if i can 'borrow it' Thank you, Right i need to go and do some school work okay! have fun!" Of course i wanted to quiz him but Its easier I stayed out of her business. Thoughts? He doesnt want a relationship but he'll buy her a present? Opinions? I told her but I dont want to give her false hope so i thought id ask for a variety of opinions first. At the moment they are very much not together....
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 With her taking everything so well I'd say he expected her to be wrapped around his finger (begging, pleading for him back). That's not happening so I assume he's just scared that she won't be there, which is why he's buying her the picture. The picture will gain her back in a way and feed his ego. I wouldn't think much of it unless he specifically says "I want to get back together with her."
Author t_i Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 What would you suggest she does next? Sees him? Accept the painting? He may just genuinely need time to figure out if he wants a relationship right now. I thought before that he was giving a lame excuse to try and dump her but didn't have the guts to actually say it properally... But now I'm not sure!
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 She can accept the painting if she likes/wants it, I would just take everything he says lightly unless he specifically says he wants to try again. typically (not all the time, but in most cases) when a dumper says "I don't want a relationship right now" it can mean one of two things... 1.) "I don't want a relationship with YOU, but also don't want to hurt your feelings." 2.) "I'm not sure what I want so I'm going to keep you as an option until I figure that out." She sounds like she is handling everything very nicely by being unavailable to him, just be prepared for him to act cold during future conversations with him. If he acts cold it's a good indication that he doesn't know what he wants (option 2 above) and he is frustrated with himself for not knowing. Just keep in mind that he's the one that wants to see your friend. Therefore, HE should be doing a majority of the talking and she should keep it light and friendly.
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