usabup Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 A lot of people say that a women dosnt completely let go of their feelings for their ex untill they find another man....any truth in this?
Audrina Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I can say for me, kind of, yes. My ex and I had longish relationship, two years, and even though I broke up with him, I did have a hard time completely letting go of that relationship until I found someone else I could give my heart to. Let me clarify. For me, I can move from one relationship to the next with more ease if being in love is not involved, but once I've been in love in a relationship, it's harder for met to let go. My ex and I broke up 4 years ago, and I had not been in a loving relationship since then, while I have been in relationships. I never thought, or even hoped that my ex and I would reconcile, I knew that I would never allow that to happen, but I did think about him frequently, wonder how he was, and wonder if he ever thought about me. In my relationship now, I am very much in love and I don't think about my ex - well ever. I guess a good way of putting it is that my ex was in my heart until my boyfriend ousted him. I don't know if this helps you at all, lol, just my thoughts on the subject.
radiodarcy Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 not for me really. i was the dumpee. i've been NC for four months. today is the ex's birthday. and i honestly have no desire to reach out and wish him so much as a "happy birthday". the urges to contact him out of that aching feeling to reach out because i love him just isn't there. i may not have completely let go. but i'm getting there. but no - - i don't think finding someone else is going to help me do that. and i'm not looking, either. i'm so happy to have my life back and enjoying all the me time that i have no interest in meeting someone else. what's funny is the ex was the one who was really pushing for me to find another guy to date ; he even checked back in during NC to make see if i did and was disappointed when i said i hadnt. this is my first break up but i'm glad i didn't rely on that method of not letting go until i found someone else. knowing me i would have ended up in a similar situation which wouldn't have been much of a solution in itself.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I can say for me, kind of, yes. My ex and I had longish relationship, two years, and even though I broke up with him, I did have a hard time completely letting go of that relationship until I found someone else I could give my heart to. Let me clarify. For me, I can move from one relationship to the next with more ease if being in love is not involved, but once I've been in love in a relationship, it's harder for met to let go. My ex and I broke up 4 years ago, and I had not been in a loving relationship since then, while I have been in relationships. I never thought, or even hoped that my ex and I would reconcile, I knew that I would never allow that to happen, but I did think about him frequently, wonder how he was, and wonder if he ever thought about me. In my relationship now, I am very much in love and I don't think about my ex - well ever. I guess a good way of putting it is that my ex was in my heart until my boyfriend ousted him. I don't know if this helps you at all, lol, just my thoughts on the subject. Interesting... I thought the dumper didn't feel for the dumpee when they started the breakup, at least not strong feeling anyway. Do you mind giving your reason for ending it with your ex? if not that's fine, you've struck curiosity in my mind.
ScienceGal Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 In my experience, I can fully let go before meeting someone new. BUT, that feeling of excitement and sheer happiness when you connect with someone new really seals the deal. There isn't anything on earth that feels as good as falling in love. And, it reinforces the notion that the ex was NOT the one for you! And no matter how "healed" you are, realizing that is always a relief
Audrina Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 In my experience, I can fully let go before meeting someone new. BUT, that feeling of excitement and sheer happiness when you connect with someone new really seals the deal. There isn't anything on earth that feels as good as falling in love. And, it reinforces the notion that the ex was NOT the one for you! And no matter how "healed" you are, realizing that is always a relief Exactly. I was very much over my ex, and have been for some time, but finding someone new who meant something to me really cemented that in place.
wilsonx Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 The title of this thread should be "Girls dont let go completely until they have another man" There's a huge difference. Women dont play these games.
stray Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I have to agree with Wilson. There have definitely been times when a new relationship distracted me from thinking about my ex, but ultimately no person besides yourself "gets you over your ex". I can honestly say there are several exs I still think about, and will always think about, and probably never completely "get over" no matter who I'm dating or am in love with. Then there are horrible men I've dated whom I'm completely over and getting over them took no male distractions whatsoever. A new relationship never "takes the place" of your old relationships. Especially when, as an adult, you know the beginning of a relationship, the passion and butterflies, etc., probably aren't forever. A mature person never compares their old REAL relationship to the honeymoon period of their new relationship. That's just stupid.
Audrina Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 The title of this thread should be "Girls dont let go completely until they have another man" There's a huge difference. Women dont play these games. For me it wasn't a game at all. Like I said, I had no affection towards my ex, had let completely go of the relationship, wasn't pining after him or any of that nonsense. It simply took someone else to completely erase the imprint he left on my heart. After that relationship, I decided to take a year, where I just focused on myself and didn't date at all. At the end of the year, I decided I needed 6 more months. I started dating after that, but had no serious relationships. It had nothing to do with my ex, just that I wasn't finding anyone I was really connecting with. Once I did it was all about him. When you've had a very strong connection with someone for a long time, I believe it's impossible to jump from that relationship to another and be fully invested, I think first you have to find your way back to you, which is why I took that time to myself. And you know, now that I think about it more, maybe it wasn't the imprint of my ex I had to erase, but the hole that I was aware of in my life (the lack of being in a committed loving relationship) that needed to be filled.
wilsonx Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) What you typed is you being a woman. You did the right thing. What he is talking about is "Girls" relationship jump from one person to another. Example... my ex left me for a 37 year old cook that she works with... shes 23... we have knnow each other for upwards of 4 years. Dating for a year and 8 months. For the last 2 1/2 months something wasnt right, she drunk texted this guy. That night I was going to end the relationship but she gaslit me saying she loved me.. for the next 2 1/2 months her behavior continued only hidden until I caught her at a bar with him... Like I said..."GIRL" My ex still RESENTS her ex from over 3 years ago because he dumped her and never came back... she has never not once taken time to herself to get over things, she usually finds someone to latch on to and rebounds and rebounds and rebounds Edited July 25, 2011 by wilsonx
ScienceGal Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 What you typed is you being a woman. You did the right thing. What he is talking about is "Girls" relationship jump from one person to another. Where does "gal" fit in to all of this? Maybe I need to change my name
Audrina Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Interesting... I thought the dumper didn't feel for the dumpee when they started the breakup, at least not strong feeling anyway. Do you mind giving your reason for ending it with your ex? if not that's fine, you've struck curiosity in my mind. Sorry I didn't see this before. I don't mind sharing at all. My ex grew very depressed and withdrawn. Any contact between us was initiated by me. I was literally the only driving force behind our relationship. He still said he loved me but I know he didn't care for me anymore. He always used to say, when he didn't care anymore, I'd know, and I knew. I put up with it for months, at least 4, doing everything that I could to make him happy, telling him how his actions were effecting me. Two weeks after our two year anniversary, which he didn't recognize, I broke up with him. The bad days outweighed the good days but too many and I couldn't be with him anymore. He cried and it was horrible, but I had to do it for me. I wish I could have helped him but I couldn't, and I had to take care of my own happiness. The breakup had nothing to do with love. I loved him, but I had to take care of me.
ScienceGal Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I give you major credit for being strong enough to walk away. That has never been one of my strong suits, but when enough is enough that is all you can do. I have only been strong enough to do that once in my life, and it took me 3 years to do it. Good for you!
bikinibeach Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 my ex left me for a 37 year old cook that she works with... you forgot to write that he is also bald and lives in a trailer park, remember??
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Sorry I didn't see this before. I don't mind sharing at all. My ex grew very depressed and withdrawn. Any contact between us was initiated by me. I was literally the only driving force behind our relationship. He still said he loved me but I know he didn't care for me anymore. He always used to say, when he didn't care anymore, I'd know, and I knew. I put up with it for months, at least 4, doing everything that I could to make him happy, telling him how his actions were effecting me. Two weeks after our two year anniversary, which he didn't recognize, I broke up with him. The bad days outweighed the good days but too many and I couldn't be with him anymore. He cried and it was horrible, but I had to do it for me. I wish I could have helped him but I couldn't, and I had to take care of my own happiness. The breakup had nothing to do with love. I loved him, but I had to take care of me. oh okay, that makes sense. Sounds like he was distancing himself from you and you beat him to the punch. But hearing about what happened has really shed some light on the subject, thank you for sharing and congratulations on doing what's right for you.
wilsonx Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 you forgot to write that he is also bald and lives in a trailer park, remember?? as you can see im working on my suffering. It's actually improving a lot. I was just using this an example that not all people do the courageous thing. Im definitely taking this time to fully get over her. I saw on the second chance forums the other day that this guy had this emotionally mature gf but his old emotionally retarded ex that hes still in love with from years ago just got a divorce and he wants to pursue her. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT GUY
bikinibeach Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 as you can see im working on my suffering. It's actually improving a lot. I was just using this an example that not all people do the courageous thing. Im definitely taking this time to fully get over her. I saw on the second chance forums the other day that this guy had this emotionally mature gf but his old emotionally retarded ex that hes still in love with from years ago just got a divorce and he wants to pursue her. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT GUY you won't! i don't want to be that guy either! after all of my reminiscing today, i realize that as long as i have a single, vapor thin shred of dignity, there is NO WAY IN HELL i can ever be friends with my ex or get back together with him. even with that heartfelt apology that i will never receive, he is still a lying scumbag with mommy issues and a lifetime of abuse and rejection to deal with. too bad for him that he is using his past as an excuse to abuse others and turn away the good things that come into his life (me). ok ...wilsonx. you and i are going to see who gets over their ex first. deal??? ps: i thought the comments you always made about him were hilarious..that's why i had to chime in. lord knows i can't reply to a thread about tupperware popular in 1990 without somehow finding a way to correlate it with my ex's douchebaggery. so i'm not really one to talk either. lol
wilsonx Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 you won't! i don't want to be that guy either! after all of my reminiscing today, i realize that as long as i have a single, vapor thin shred of dignity, there is NO WAY IN HELL i can ever be friends with my ex or get back together with him. even with that heartfelt apology that i will never receive, he is still a lying scumbag with mommy issues and a lifetime of abuse and rejection to deal with. too bad for him that he is using his past as an excuse to abuse others and turn away the good things that come into his life (me). ok ...wilsonx. you and i are going to see who gets over their ex first. deal??? ps: i thought the comments you always made about him were hilarious..that's why i had to chime in. lord knows i can't reply to a thread about tupperware popular in 1990 without somehow finding a way to correlate it with my ex's douchebaggery. so i'm not really one to talk either. lol the sad part is i have pictures now of them together, and while i backslid a couple days ago looking at them I laughed so hard. It looks like father daughter and boy did I dodge a bullet.
bikinibeach Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) ahahaha..... i lol'd just reading that. i hate to sound bitchy but my ex is NOT going to be getting better than me either. ...educated, former model, funny, loyal, talented, outdoorsy, outgoing nympho that can also charm the heck out of even the toughest parents. i am a humble person but i know for a fact that i am 'good on paper'. this is likely why my ex didn't 'click' with me....i wasn't some broken loser that would see a moron like him as a hero..lmao. i've seen some of the chicks he's dated in the past that he thought were "cute".....not trying to be mean here but one of them ACTUALLY looked like carrot top....!! http://www.google.ca/imgres?q=carrot+top&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1024&bih=485&tbm=isch&tbnid=huyAnuKgucRcFM:&imgrefurl=http://cityrag.com/2008/07/carrot-tops-pla/&docid=cxpC-34U96W5UM&w=410&h=256&ei=zCIuTqH2HovksQLu3rlw&zoom=1 water seeks it's own level, wils.... god all i do is come home from work and tool around online. i have no life. ugh Edited July 26, 2011 by bikinibeach
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