Rosie23 Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 Hey, Just a question... I recently broke up with my boyfriend of about 7 years (from about ages 15-23, on and off). I had never cheated on him (although he had cheated on me long ago-in high school type stuff) and had therefore never had any real experiences with other guys etc. About 4 months ago, I started feeling "antsy" and was worried that if I went ahead and married him (I knew he was saving for a ring) that I might regret not having the "fun" I should have had. So, I told him that I needed a break to figure things out. So, I went out with my friends, had the fun (all the while he was crying, said he would still be there...) but always had a feeling that, in the end, we would get back together. Well, I found out recently that he has been dating someone else and is planning on moving in with her-after only two and a half months! I was completely shocked. Only a week before finding this out, I went to his place to see him (because I hadn't in a while), and he cried, said things like, "I never wanted it to be this way-I never wanted to be without you," and didn't want me to leave and now...this. So, now my friends are saying that it is only a rebound and that he is saying these things just to make me jealous and want to beg him to come back. Any advice??? [font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color]
CrazyinMN Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 I have been in the same place as your ex. So I feel no pain for you!! This is what you wanted, you wanted to go out and have "fun" and you did but did you really think that he was going to wait for you? Hell no there is not one person in the world that is worth waiting for. So what i'm saying to you is, you caused him large amounts of pain now its your turn to feel the pain!!
reggio Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 I would have to agree with CrazyinMN, except for the pain for pain part. Maybe if you get a little taste of it, you might just learn not to play on people's feelings.
julieg Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 rosie, i was in your exact situation only it was a 5 yr relationship. my guy moved in with the very next girl and right away started talking weddings. he made sure that the info got back to me. it really hurt because it appeared that he wasnt missing me a bit. my advice to you - be careful with your feelings. you undoubedly have love and affection for your ex. with this goes dreams and hopes of the future that are now nixed. if you are totally sure that you NEVER want to get back together then move on and talk all this out with him. i didnt do this and years later when i least expected it everything came crashing down personally and professionally (in the form of depression etc.) you cant deny feelings and expect them to go away without a trace. the past may come back to haunt you years later as it did to me! julieg
bluechocolate Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 Sorry Rosie, but the cliche that first comes to mind is having your cake and eating it too. Seems to me like you two didn't fully discuss what it was that you really wanted. You say you "broke up", which to me is different from a "time-out". Of course usually a time-out means NOT seeing other people - which is what the two of you did. You had to know the risk you were taking when you decided to break up, even if he said that he would be there. Personally I would never "be there" for someone who wanted to have a break so that they could go out with other people. Now - having said all that I have to tell you that I think you did the right thing for your circumstance. That may sound a bit odd, but better you find out what your feelings are before getting married and then waking up one day to resent your husband for a life you never had. I say again though that you should have known the risks before starting. You don't have to BEG him to take you back but you can explain your feelings and ask him what his are. Tell him that you need to know because you both have to start getting on with your lives - together or seperate. If he tells you no - then say goodbye and leave it at that.
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