Casablanca Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Okay, my gf broke up with me because she was going to be moving to Georgia to help take care of her mom (either very soon or after the end of the fall semester since she is already enrolled) and there was no point in continuing despite her still liking me...and while I didnt like the situation...I agreed that it was the best situation After talking with a girl at a bar the other night for a few minutes, a guy walks in and up to her and she introduces him as her boyfriend...kind of irked me, so I just said, goodbye...she was pretty open to talking with me...surely she had to have known I wasnt just talking to her b/c I wanted someone to talk to... Anyway after that I decided I might explore all my avenues and maybe get back online to complement the offline search...well I was just searching to see if I thought there was anyone worth talking to if see if I should put my account back on...then I see my ex in the search as a recently logged in and in there still looking for a long term relationship... I am rather pissed off right now...and I want to know, if she told me the truth....not that it would change anything, but I like to know the truth and get really pissed when people lie to me...should I ask her about this or just say eff it and forget about it? The latter goes against my personality a lot...I like to know things, it is just how my brain works Suggestions?
wilsonx Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) I heard a funny quote yesterday from my neighbor and its pretty much true and it made me laugh and gave me a ah hah moment "Girls dont let go of one branch until they firmly have their hands on another" My ex lied to me even when I knew called her out on it for a week. Remember, I used a key word "GIRL" not woman. It seems we have yet to hear about a woman on these forums Edited July 25, 2011 by wilsonx
Philosoraptor Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 And if she did lie to you what does that change?
Author Casablanca Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 And if she did lie to you what does that change? It changes our breakup and our "relationship" afterwards...I planned to say friends with her and it changes my knowledge of what kind of person she is because that is a big lie..and I'm a math person, we like to know the reasoning....I know it wouldnt make anything happen...but right now I am so pissed, I HATE being lied to, it is insulting to be lied to
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 How do you know she set her status to that recently? she could have just relisted her account and not edited yet. At any rate, people lie. Sometimes it is so they can protect your feelings. Sure it sucks but it is part of life. You can dwell on it forever if you want to but it won't help your situation.
fiatflux Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Well, it was a pretty weak excuse to break up, if you think about it. Dating someone means you like to hang out with them and enjoy your time with them. There's no reason to break up in anticipation of leaving....especially when it sounds so iffy when she's actually leaving. Why not spend as much time together until the day comes that she has to leave? Breaking up hurts no matter when you do it - whether it's a month before she leaves, or the day she leaves.
Author Casablanca Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 How do you know she set her status to that recently? she could have just relisted her account and not edited yet. At any rate, people lie. Sometimes it is so they can protect your feelings. Sure it sucks but it is part of life. You can dwell on it forever if you want to but it won't help your situation. Shes uploaded a new pic, so she's had time to edit it some...they big a lie is pathetic and it would change the fact that if she did lie I wouldn't want any time of small friendship with her like originally planned
DazyDaisy Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Giving you the reason she gave you meant you were going to accept it because she was moving. Telling you anything else meant that you were probably going to try to fight to be with her, and that means you would string her along. She chose the coward way of doing it to protect her feelings and in her mind, to protect yours (it's not you, it's not me, it's the situation).
FinOuch Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) Shes uploaded a new pic, so she's had time to edit it some...they big a lie is pathetic and it would change the fact that if she did lie I wouldn't want any time of small friendship with her like originally planned The general trend I've read about and experienced does seem to indicate that when the dumper doesn't really have a good reason to break up or is doing so under scandalous conditions...they lie (or at least omit the truth) when taking that step. My ex lied to my face (twice) when I point blank asked him about the other girl. Found out otherwise two weeks later. My intuition told me he was lying as he was breaking up with me...and sure enough soon afterwards I got confirmation that my instincts were spot on. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is if your gut is saying that is the case, it probably is. She might have genuinely broken things off because of the move. She might not have. I think only you would be the best judge of it. And the worst part of it is that the doubt is there now, so even if you confront her about it and she denies it...you still won't believe her. I don't understand why dumpers lie. -To save face? ...Yeah, as if the truth isn't going to surface. -To make you feel better about it? ...Yeah. No, it just makes you feel like a complete idiot when the truth does come to light. -To leave the door open incase they want to come back? ...Yeah. Double Edited July 25, 2011 by FinOuch
Author Casablanca Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 Giving you the reason she gave you meant you were going to accept it because she was moving. Telling you anything else meant that you were probably going to try to fight to be with her, and that means you would string her along. She chose the coward way of doing it to protect her feelings and in her mind, to protect yours (it's not you, it's not me, it's the situation). Of course Id fight it a little, but after pleading my case, if the lady still says no then I accept that I dont mind a little sugar coating and all, we have all done it, but this was far from sugar coating; she had to have known that I could find out, especially with her getting back onto the site where we met; I have never been this mad legitimately in my life The general trend I've read about and experienced does seem to indicate that when the dumper doesn't really have a good reason to break up or is doing so under scandalous conditions...they lie (or at least omit the truth) when taking that step. My ex lied to my face (twice) when I point blank asked him about the other girl. Found out otherwise two weeks later. My intuition told me he was lying as he was breaking up with me...and sure enough soon afterwards I got confirmation that my instincts were spot on. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is if your gut is saying that is the case, it probably is. She might have genuinely broken things off because of the move. She might not have. I think only you would be the best judge of it. And the worst part of it is that the doubt is there now, so even if you confront her about it and she denies it...you still won't believe her. The reasons were believable, I knew her mom lived in Georgia and had had health problems all her life, but just tell me...I really dont know what she can say that would make me change my mind and believe her if she says she didnt lie to me, but as you said I have to be the judge of that... Dont know why dumpers cant be just up front and sugar coat it a little...no reason to lie about moving or there being another woman...heck I remember an ex of mine who I dumped asked me if there was someone else, and there wasnt, but a month later, someone I knew who had had a crush on me for years asked me out, and we kept it on the DL at first because I didnt what my ex to think I lied to her I think there is always a good reason (at least almost) for the dumper, but just saying, I dont like you anymore or dont love you anymore is not a very easy thing to say...well at least monday night is my wing and beer night with friends...got some venting to do tonight!
Ginger Beer Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I heard a funny quote yesterday from my neighbor and its pretty much true and it made me laugh and gave me a ah hah moment "Girls dont let go of one branch until they firmly have their hands on another" My ex lied to me even when I knew called her out on it for a week. Remember, I used a key word "GIRL" not woman. It seems we have yet to hear about a woman on these forums So if a girl dumps you it's because she's got her hands on another man?
skibum Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 First off, love the Doctor Who logo Casablanca!!! That is an amazing show and I spend way too much time watching it. As for the lying, I understand the feeling that you feel you want to know. I felt my ex lied to me when she broke up with me. I asked her to her face twice if it had to do with another guy she told me she liked. She said no, I told myself I believed her, but I never really did. Turns out in less than 2 months she was dating him, telling him the "i love you" crap and had been emotionally and maybe physically cheating on me with him for months. You would think that even after a 5.5 year relationship I would get some honesty. But thats what cowards do. I thought that if she was really having a hard time, couldnt do LDR anymore, etc that I would still be fine with her in my life once I got over her and I would be nice. Now that I know she lied, I want nothing to do with her. It was almost an overnight switch in me that made me get over her and now I am better than ever. The point is that the best thing for you is to believe she lied to you, because given the evidence, the chances are she did. My brother told nme that months before I found out and it makes getting over them that much easier. So for you to honestly believe she lied to you and to cut her out completely is the most healthy thing for you to do. Seriously, it is true. Believe it. She lied. She is not worth your time. She is not who you thought she was and that fact should make you happy to get someone who is and move on.
FinOuch Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Wow skibum, I feel for you. I really do. I was wrecked after my ex pulled that after a year and a few months. I can't IMAGINE how I would feel after 5+ years. You are soooo much better off without someone like that! Anyways... The point is that the best thing for you is to believe she lied to you, because given the evidence, the chances are she did. My brother told nme that months before I found out and it makes getting over them that much easier. So for you to honestly believe she lied to you and to cut her out completely is the most healthy thing for you to do. Seriously, it is true. Believe it. She lied. She is not worth your time. She is not who you thought she was and that fact should make you happy to get someone who is and move on. I agree completely with this. It makes it a lot easier to move forward and deal with a break up if you believe she lied. You move past the questions and clinging to false hope so much quicker when you perceive the dumper in a less-than-appealing light. So OP...in addition to what I said before about listening to your gut...you also have to ask yourself whether you WANT to believe her? IE, do you want to give her the benefit of the doubt to keep her in your life on a friendship only basis? Or would you rather she just go off the radar and NC (if she's not already) so you can have space to heal? If it's the latter - it'll be easier to just swallow the more bitter pill and feel better sooner.
Author Casablanca Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Well after cooling down from my initial heated pissed offness of levels I really have never reached before, I decided it wasnt worth it, and never asked her about it...just decided to delete her out of my phone book and off of facebook...there is really very little she could do to convince me she wasnt lying and I was prepared to rip into her, but it just isnt worth it...I'll take the high road...one thing that I am very proud of myself is I never (other than once) say or do anything in a moment of extreme emotion that I regret later...I am usually pretty self aware to allow myself a few hours to cool down before I talk about things if at all...which has also probably allowed me to dodge a number of fights in a relationship when I wait until I'm no longer upset to talk about things I am very proud of myself...I was very angry for a long time, went for a run and would hit the lamp posts as I ran earlier...and eventually cooled down and realized she just wasnt worth it...also a night of hanging out and drinking with my friends really took my mind off of it and made me relax and laugh and was just a nice reminder that I have known my friends for so much longer than any girl I'm going to date and that they will ALWAYS be there for me, and that's worth more than any woman, as these friendships wont end nor steer me wrong
Author Casablanca Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Boy you really jumped to conclusions here.. I'd say it is a pretty likely conclusion based off the information...she also mentioned the whole wouldnt have a lot of time for me with work and school and going to the gym, yadda yadda yadda...so that is two strikes...
bikinibeach Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I dont think she was fully honest with you or herself but who knows why she was online. Maybe checking to see if you were. Or just browsing. Or looking for someone where her mom lives. Who knows? Dont torture yourself
Recommended Posts