Dazzel Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) I finally had to just finally break it off with my boyfriend today, officially. It would be three years we've been together this November. There were a lot of issue. I am not trying to martyr myself or proclaim to be a saint, but I worked very hard on this relationship. Much more than had did. He is 27 and cannot drive. I've kindly tried to convince him to get his license over the last three years. I never nagged. His excuse was he had no way to get it, his parents won't take him. He never would go when I offered to teach him or take him to driving school. He had horrible hygiene. Would go days without bathing, never cared about appearances. Also, he said he doesn't want sex until he is married and is still a virgin. He changed his mind around December when I told him I just cannot wait anymore and I think the relationship needs to go. He confessed today that was a lie just to keep me. He'll let me give him oral since that apparently doesn't count as sex to him, but he won't go all the way. He won't even look at my own female area. He also said he wouldn't ask me to marry him because he was afraid I'd say no. WTF? It's a no now, that's for sure. It would have been yes a year and a half ago. He also was against drinking and always wanted to stay at home to watch tv or play video games. I could hardly get him out of the house. It became a chore just to go sit at his house. I am 23 and I feel like I've wasted the last three years of my life with him. I have low self esteem, am bipolar, and have no friends of my own. The loneliness I will have to suffer is going to be suffocating. I also am forced to start working nights starting tonight, in an office in the basement of a hospital with only two other coworkers. I have no opportunities to meet friend or mate. I have low self esteem due to weight and other things. That combined with the fact my ex was never tempted to even have sex with me just makes me feel worthless. I worry I will be alone for life and he's my only hope at having someone if I hurry and take him back. I seriously just feel like disappearing for a while. Just wanted to rant. Anyone else know how to cope with extreme loneliness? Edited July 25, 2011 by Dazzel
Els Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I'm really sorry. But aren't you glad you DIDN'T marry him 1.5 years ago? Imagine if you were in this same situation but married and with kids... it'd be far more difficult to leave! Can you do ANYthing about your nights shift? Change with a coworker, talk to the HR? While breakups are a highly personal thing and theoretically should not affect work, the graveyard shift is called that for a reason. It's suffocatingly lonely even for people not dealing with a fresh breakup, it's depressing, it's mentally strenuous. I hear in some countries if the military hears of one of their own going through a time of emotional stress, they'll keep them off solitary night duty. You should consider asking for the same, at least til you get your feet back on the ground.
Author Dazzel Posted July 26, 2011 Author Posted July 26, 2011 Thanks for your response and concern. My boss pretty much begged and needs me on nights. There is not much that can be done unless someone quits on days. I'm low on the totem poll so there isn't much of a chance of anything going my way anytime soon. I'm afraid of talking with HR and getting my boss mad at me. He's very nice and easygoing and probably won't be angry, he said maybe sometime in the future he can try to get me on days again. But you never know. In this economy, it's very important to keep your job. But thanks for your suggestions and kind words.
shortee143 Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I am sorry for how you are feeling- but it took strength for you to leave this situation, despite that impending lonliness you knew would come. You surely dont want to stay in a relationship just for the companionship (but many people sadly do) You and him just seem like there are a lot of differences, that just dont sit well for you. Be proud of yourself for making the decision you needed to for YOU. You are still young, plenty of other people out there! As for the loneliness, well I think we all feel ya on that at times. My ex and I have have a ton of mutual friends, so now that I am choosing to not see him, it means I miss out on a lot of fun social things, so I feel very lonely too. Making new friends is not always easy as it seems, esp when you dont have the right circumstances to, esp in your case. You say you have low self esteem- so now is the time to change that Try and do some things for you, trust me, they will bring a smile to your face..even if it just for a moment it is worth it. I have been catching up on movies, looking into some good books to read, splurging a little on some new clothes.... Not to mention, anytime you feel lonely, that is what the internet can be great for- you can come here, and share your story, ask questions, etc.
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