Author aussie_bloke Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 hey aussie I spent my first few months stuck in a swimming pool and gym, i thought i was going to develop flippers and start singing at sailors on ships it does help with moods and things but unfortunately your mind will still wonder on to thoughts of your ex it's normal and you just have to go though it but we are all here to help process the thought with you stay strong bud and believe in a better tomorrow plus by the time your back to normal imagine how good a shape you'll be in, i've actually developed a bit of a 6 pack instead of the barrel of beer i was starting to get from being in a comfortable relationship lol good day to you sir !!!! Hey broken, thanks mate, I kinda wish I had got into the gym earlier. It's a great way to start the day and work off a bit of energy before work and noticing changes in a good confidence boost. Good on you for sticking with it, especially to loosing the beer keg belly, it's funny how we let ourselves go in a relationship. Hava good one mate!
Mack05 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Aussie Bloke, You seem like a really decent bloke. I know how hard it is to move on from a broken heart. I know what it's like to spend endless nights going through a myriad of thoughts and emotions. In March this year, I was in a truly horrible awful place. Every night for 6 weeks I couldn't sleep a wink. There was everythought going through my head. So many what if's and is there's. What if I treated her better, What if I didn't have low self esteem when we met, What if I confronted her about her issues while she still respected me. Is there anything I can do to get her back, is there anyway if she did take me back, that we could go back to the old days when things were good. Etc Etc Etc. I was consumed with guilt, hurt, sadness, lonelyness, anger, remorse. You name it mate..The grief was so strong there was one stage, I didn't think I could recover from it. The reason I wanted to post on your thread was to tell you, that it will get better. Keep doing what you are doing. Your gym work, focusing on your flaws and turning them into strengths. Focus on family and friends more. You can always make more of an effort with close inter personal relationships (we all can). If you can find time maybe volunteer. Maybe visit a hospice and visit people that get no visitors or maybe help sick kids out. I need to get off my lazy butt and volunteer too. It's 5 months on and my life has changed beyond recogition. I have just started a new relationship with an amazing girl. The most amazing girl, I have ever encountered in my life. Soon, I am going to be living my old life behind and moving countries to be with her. Reflecting back on my last relationship with 5 months of space, I realise now it could never have worked. I realise it wasn't even close to being a good relationship, even in the happy times. Aussie keep doing what you are doing mate. Write down short term goals and long term goals and tick each one off that you complete. You will find this really satisfying. Here are a couple of quotes I read every morning to help me stay motivated and focused on my goals...Hope they help you. It's time now to leave the past in the past and start building towards your bright future..One step at a time. Before you know it you have climbed out of your personal hell and you are a lot stronger and wiser person. Best of luck to you.. "We who are truly Brave will never live in fear" "You can't train that thing that beats in your chest, your either have it or you don't" "In order to succeed, your desire for success has to be greater than your fear of failure" "The Rationale behind hard training is to feed the belief and starve the doubt" "Fail to prepare, prepare to fail"
Author aussie_bloke Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Mack, cheers for the post mate. It does help to see people who have been through similar stuff and them coming out the other end. I completely understand where you were a few months back and I am definently there now. I hope I can get out of this place soon and move into better things. I am happy to hear you have a new girl, I bet you will make the most of it and I hope it works out for you. Thanks for the quotes too, they are a good way to look at things, Thanks again mate
Graceful Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Aussie, m'love I've never seen anyone who has handled a breakup the way you have, who has had any regrets; that is to say, someone who tried to make a course correction, tried to get his ex to give the relationship a second chance, but who knew when to put up a boundary, kept his self-respect and dignity, and knew his self-worth. You were able to see, no matter how difficult, that you can't turn back the clock, and you can't try to fix something alone. And despite all of this, wanting so much for a different outcome, but knowing when to call it a day. Your courage in all this was inspiring. The only relationship that ever caused me a horrible outcome was my last one, because I didn't let go right away. And that was the guy that cheated on me, no less. Ugh. I even loved someone else, the true love of my life, much, much more than the cheater, and was able to let him go and wish him well when he broke up with me. In every instance of my life, I have let go of an ex, even when I was suffering greatly. Never groveled, never asked for another chance. Why would I do that? I never did anything that was a deal breaker, that's why. That may sound high handed, but it's the truth. If an ex didn't love me for who I was and who I am, then what's left? Turn myself into something I am not? Of course not. And you can't, shouldn't, and didn't attempt to do that, either. You did nothing that was a real deal breaker, Aussie. But if your ex stacked 'em all up, and called them deal breakers, then you have to take it on the chin, and say, okay, this must mean I need to pay more attention next time, but it also means, maybe we just weren't destined to be in it for the long haul anyhow. Not as compatible as I thought we were. Or she has a different path in life she has to live. Best to find that out now. You've had some great years of a true love, it will take time to get past the pain of heart ache (it's a killer, no way around it ), but you know what? I have every faith in you. Not just saying that b/c we're friends. I mean it. It's okay to cry (in fact, I'd be very surprised if you didn't cry when you're alone anyhow) and feel like crap. Yeah, it's normal. You just had the rug pulled out from underneath you, you're sitting there on your a$$ man, why wouldn't it hurt? Yeah, I guess what I'm suggesting here is to laugh at yourself along the way, too. I can tell you from experience, it does help. Now go dry your eyes, or get your gym bag, or take out some kickass music, or see a friend ... and make every day a new day. You have a new chapter to write, even if you don't know what it's about just yet. In friendship, and sending love all the way to Oz. Graceful
Author aussie_bloke Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Hey Grace, That was exactly what I needed. No matter how much I try and tell myself things in my head, hearing them from someone else seems to validate them. I will write more of a reply later as I need to fly off to work, but hey its already day 2 Have a great day
Wesker Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 If I were not on this board seeing the stories that I (and everyone else) see here, the "out of the blue" breakups that seem to come out of nowhere, I would have a harder time believing your situation. Sadly, this does happen. Your ex let an entire year go by without every saying anything about her unhappy state of mind regarding your relationship, and now, is unleashing all of her wrath onto you. It's so much more than just YOU, and we all know that. Why does that situation seem so familiar? Oh wait, that was exactly me just 2 months ago. You're Ex, and my Ex aren't sisters by any chance Aussie? At least you don't have to see her at work. I unfortunately do, and to add a double kick to the nuts. Because of all the road work going on, I have to drive by her place twice a day:sick: Try to keep telling yourself that it's her loss, and that one day, whether it be months, or many years from now, this whole thing is going to hit her, and hit her hard. By then we'll be at a point where we're actually grateful she ended things because our lives are way better. At least that helps me a bit.
Author aussie_bloke Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 IWhy does that situation seem so familiar? Oh wait, that was exactly me just 2 months ago. You're Ex, and my Ex aren't sisters by any chance Aussie?. Geez don't tell me theres more than one chick out there like this . I know what you mean about one daying hoping its going to hit her, and bu then it will be too late. Why does it seem that nice guys really do always finish last haha. I just hate all the up and down emotions, im okay for a bit, then im worse than before, then I'm alright again... its screwed! It sucks that you have to see her at work, you're obviously doing really well to deal with that, think I would chuck my job in if I had to do that. Hope you keep getting better mate, sadly we don;t have any other choice! Cheers
BLuvv Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Geez don't tell me theres more than one chick out there like this . I know what you mean about one daying hoping its going to hit her, and bu then it will be too late. Why does it seem that nice guys really do always finish last haha. I just hate all the up and down emotions, im okay for a bit, then im worse than before, then I'm alright again... its screwed! It sucks that you have to see her at work, you're obviously doing really well to deal with that, think I would chuck my job in if I had to do that. Hope you keep getting better mate, sadly we don;t have any other choice! Cheers Don't let that get you down. For every girl who won't try there is one who would try with her whole heart to make you happy. For a while I thought every guy would be a jerk, and then I found my last ex. It's probably the reason I couldn't bring myself to open up to him because I assumed he'd just blow me off or get mad at me like every other guy in my life. Seeing guys like you on this board that try so hard gives me hope. I also feel like my ex was put in my life for a reason to show me not all guys are like that. Also issues know no gender, we all have them, they don't discriminate. Learning to empathize with others and see we all have our worries and dreams will only help future relationships. And bad experiences will teach us to avoid anyone who is not open in the future. Now it will be much easier to see what is happening and move on before it gets to that point. Also without the bad experiences we can never truly appreciate the good experiences! B
Author aussie_bloke Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 G'day guys, not much to update here at the moment as I am still in NC. Have to say it hasn't been too bad but today is definently one of those down/harder days. I just want to pick up the phone and contact her, but I know if I do it will just make things worse. I really find myself wondering how she is doing, I really miss her, after seeing her every day for the last 4-5 years and now having her gone completely has left a big hole. I'll keep up the NC, however as much as I understand how things are now and why they are that way, I still get these crazy feelings. If I could switch off the feeling and stay just with the thinking I would be set! Cheers, Aussie
BLuvv Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 G'day guys, not much to update here at the moment as I am still in NC. Have to say it hasn't been too bad but today is definently one of those down/harder days. I just want to pick up the phone and contact her, but I know if I do it will just make things worse. I really find myself wondering how she is doing, I really miss her, after seeing her every day for the last 4-5 years and now having her gone completely has left a big hole. I'll keep up the NC, however as much as I understand how things are now and why they are that way, I still get these crazy feelings. If I could switch off the feeling and stay just with the thinking I would be set! Cheers, Aussie The good news is that's normal, the bad news is that's normal. Lol But the best news is that if you continue moving forward this way, you will feel a lot better! I've been through the worst breakup of my life and moved on completely. I keep telling myself if I can do that, I can do it this time again. You find the greatest strength when you least expect it. Feel better! B
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